judging women on their looks.

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SIXLUCY
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26 Jul 2008, 11:38 am

Compatability: is most important regardless of the others strengths 'n weakness
Before you can have that you need: b healthy Communication
Which is mutally : understanding 'n respecting the other peron n where they comin from.
Takn z Dance: Helps to know the other person..
As well as: Physical attraction goes along way gettn z party started but is not the determining factor at all.
It is mutal respect 'n understanding + * :P * = Compatability
If by nature 'n enviromental circumstances 'n personality (n all z above) you click you got= Compatability 'n in that respect a complete relationship.
No one wants a cry baby..
'not for ever' anyway Lack of 'n unhealthy communications burns the bridge down completely
Not just long term sexual relationships but..
"Lonliness is the Leprosy of the Western World"
See know what Im talkin 'bout
What people know 'n how they feel can be two completely different
UNAWARES unless healthy communication is involved.



Fnord
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26 Jul 2008, 11:44 am

NeantHumain wrote:
Do people really rely on a significant other to buoy their self-esteem vis-à-vis gender identity like this? Maybe I've had such a sparsity of social relationships throughout my life that I've never become emotionally dependent on others in this way or developed certain social motives. Such ideas as looking for a woman has "sincerity in her words and acts of endearment", I'm not even sure if I'd recognize or be moved one way or the other for want of perception. It sounds like people who've had romantic relationships develop fondnesses for physical affection.

So if I say, "Physical affection and emotional affirmation are important," I get dissed for being emotionally dependent.

And if I say, "Looks are important," I get dissed for being superficial.

What else is left, breeding capacity? :P


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SIXLUCY
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26 Jul 2008, 11:52 am

Ultimately thats what sexual :P relationships made for: Breeding
Thank goodness for 'Safe Sex' practices otherwise there'd be lil bunnies hopping everywhere 8O

:wink: Shy boys *j sparks..* :wink:



Fnord
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26 Jul 2008, 12:21 pm

SIXLUCY wrote:
Ultimately thats what sexual relationships made for: Breeding

Right.

Got it.

Men and women should get together only for sex, and have sex only to produce children.

Let's take it one step further. Since women's physiology is oriented towards conception, pregnancy, childbirth, and nursing, then women should make such things the sole purpose of their existences.

Right?

Got it?


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SIXLUCY
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26 Jul 2008, 12:32 pm

I got it :P
Not stupid
Maybe only a one time
It was amazing.. :P
I was waiting 2b sik
but for some reason it really turned me on.. :twisted:
Is that what its called??
'n for the record I was 19 'n in Love with MY BOYFRIEND
n (Just BF)
He was Beautiful
if it was only for that one time

Now What 'bout you??



Fnord
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26 Jul 2008, 12:44 pm

Me? Married to a beautiful Asian woman. We have three sons. All exceptionally smart and good-looking. She and I waited through a two-year engagement to get married. She's working on her Master's degree.

And the sex is W O N D E R F U L !


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nekowafer
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26 Jul 2008, 3:20 pm

Some of us just don't have healthy self-esteem. It's just how things work. If you're honestly looking for someone that doesn't have any emotional problems, you're in for a long search. I don't depend on my boyfriend to make me feel good about myself. But he does. And that is wonderful.

And everyone relies on someone. Few people can honestly be completely happy, completely alone. Certainly there are those out there that can, and I envy you.

Maybe it's not "perfect" of me to want my boyfriend to "complete" me but it makes us happy. I complete him as well. We've both changed because of the other, and in good ways. Without friends, and neither of us had many, how else were we supposed to grow up emotionally? Our parents were useless at teaching us anything.

I think a healthy relationship is being happy with that person, whichever way you do it. And no, don't start on all the unhealthy things that make people happy(beating, raping, whatever) because that's not at all what I mean.



MR_BOGAN
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26 Jul 2008, 6:03 pm

Low self-esteem comes from feeling you are not phyiscally attractive enough, smart enough your weaknesses etc... Maybe it is a motivational factor for you to improve yourself. My self-esteem takes a knock if I fail at something, so it could be a cruel way to force myself to improve myself.

Women are terrible with there physical appearence with buying fashion and beauty products etc, old women trying to look younger...
On physical apperance, you can only improve yourself so much due to your genetics, I think it is healthy to except any flaws you have and move on with life. Being attractive gives you power, so it is understandable why they do that.

I might have a go at trying to look the best I can with clothes etc, it will just be a hobby though because it is all pretty meaningless to me. Hopefully I might get some pleasure from it in looking more attractive. Friends and family always hassle me about the scruffy clothes I wear.



SIXLUCY
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26 Jul 2008, 6:39 pm

Unattached it still feels just as good
:P many many times
Hell yeah :twisted:

Make Love to me not just a body
So gentle touch
n I been there Body Mind n Soul..
In Heaven..
Ive been there once

Me 'n Fnord opened up
How 'bout any one else..

Dont really care for Hell yeah :twisted: no more
cause I dont have anyone special
So who cares
Guess I shouldnt

I agree nekowafe.. Your Beautiful :wink:



nekowafer
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26 Jul 2008, 7:13 pm

Low self-esteem can also come from being told you're not good enough, whether you think you are or not. I can say that after years of being told by my siblings(understandable if cruel, it's a sibling rivalry thing) and parents(not understandable at all, just plain cruel), that I am ugly and fat, I can't even see myself being happy with my looks, no matter how thin I get or how good I look. So while sometimes it's just not being happy with yourself, other times it's deeper than that.

And as for you dressing better, I personally don't see any reason for a man to really dress up.. but nice jeans or slacks, clean shoes(and not running shoes!! !), and a nice t-shirt or button-down is good enough. The basic idea is to make it obvious that you care about yourself. While AS people may care about themselves plenty and just not care about clothing, NT people in general connect dressing well to caring about yourself.

You can get a whole wardrobe of nice clothing, clean, with no holes, and look so much better. Obviously I have no idea what you look like or what you wear, but if other people call you scruffy, it's easy for you to look better.

I'm weird because I have an interest in fashion but don't find myself good looking enough to participate. I do think my boyfriend is good looking enough, though, and he agrees, and he lets me help him find clothing.

Don't put too much effort into it, though, if you don't care there's no reason! But it's easy to get a bunch of button-down shirts and nice tees and they'll be just as easy to wear as what you have now. You can get super-soft and super comfortable stuff, too. Wal Mart! :D

Thank you sixlucy :D



greenblue
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26 Jul 2008, 7:25 pm

I don't have any experience about this, but based on observation I come to think that a relationship based solely on physical attraction is very likely to fail at a later time, if not quickly, because of not seeing other stuff like their personality and other virtues, which are very important. So I could say that people who are shallow they probably will go through failed relationships.

MR_BOGAN wrote:
As a male I'm attracted to beautiful women rather than ugly women.

Who is ugly and who is not?
Does the term "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" makes sense? I think so.
Physical attraction is subjective, and I believe it is influenced by some circumstances.

Quote:
Should we as males totally judge women on there looks and see nothing wrong with it? Because you do need physical attraction in a relationship. Superficial I know, but that seems to be the way we are programmed, we will be happier with an attractive partner.

Physical attraction is natural, and it is necessary for sexual activity and reproduction, although I don't think it is imperative. It is a natural process but we are are intelligent beings, at least I hope so :P that we can use our capability of reason to be able to choose wisely who we mate with, based on other characterstics besides physical attraction, if you really want to live a happy relationship.

Quote:
I used to believe you should look for inner beauty, but lately I'm changing my thinking. :chin: Well I do look for inner beauty, no matter how physically attractive a woman is I can't love her if she isn't a nice person.

Well, that's the thing, if I would be with a woman who I am very attracted physically to her, but she isn't nice at all and treats me bad, then I don't see the point of mantaining the relationship, or beginning that relationship for that matter, it would be foolish to just keep with it and go through bad times just because she is very attractive. And I believe the inner beauty is very important.

Quote:
I'm also trying to accept that if I wear nice clothes, earn heaps of money, become more social, be more successful, look the best I can become the most attractive I can be that it is fair enough a woman will love me for those reasons. :scratch:

Well, we always judge people based on their appereance, how they wear clothes, how they walk, how they talk, etc. that plays a role on accepting or rejecting someone based on this, even to form friendships I believe, but, it may be related to security in part.

Well, that is my opinion, as I don't have any experience on this, and I doubt I will for some time.


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MR_BOGAN
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27 Jul 2008, 3:42 am

nekowafer I hope someday you will figure out how to get over your low self-esteem. I know how women are really sensistive about their bodies, maybe if you could put less emphasis on it some how.

:? The weird thing about me is I don't really value my looks at all, to me they are about attracting females and people treat you better if you look better that is really all I'm mindfull of. I think I might have a slight emotional connection with how I look but that is about it.

Thanks for your tips BTW, I just feel a bit fake wearing nice clothes. :? I do it for a social thing, I just think of it as a bit of a game. :shrug:

I remember you saying in another post you didn't like crocs, which I didn't really understand why, maybe if you could judge other people less( I don't know if you do), you may judge yourself less, that could help you.

I'm judgemental on how someone looks for physical attraction. But other than that I don't really care what people look like how they dress, how they act, as long as somebody means well I have time for them.



nekowafer
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27 Jul 2008, 4:41 am

I don't like crocs, no, but my mom wears them, and my boyfriend has some for work, and I know other people that wear them. I don't judge people because of what they wear, not in a serious sense anyway.. like I might make a snap judgement in my head but it never gets beyond that, I never say anything or act any different towards them because of it.

As for dressing nice, everyone has the right to look nice. And the idea of the stuff I mentioned before is to be casual, still yourself, but just put-together. Like if you have an old t-shirt you really love, but it's beaten up, just get a new one with the same design that fits well.. it's still completely you, but it's clean and neat. Add a plain black button-down(unbuttoned), nice jeans, and nice leather shoes, and you look great, but not too fancy! So many people could look so good if they just had clothing that was well taken care of and fit well.

As for my self esteem, believe me, I've worked on it for 20 years. It's not so simple. I can't just start thinking a little differently and magically fix myself.



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27 Jul 2008, 12:08 pm

Fnord wrote:
We have three sons. All exceptionally smart and good-looking.


Not that you're biased, or anything... :)

seriously, I'm glad that you're happy with your family. It's nice to see happy families.



Fnord
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28 Jul 2008, 11:00 am

LKL wrote:
Fnord wrote:
We have three sons. All exceptionally smart and good-looking.


Not that you're biased, or anything... :)

seriously, I'm glad that you're happy with your family. It's nice to see happy families.

Well, I do come from that part of America where all the women are strong, all the men are good looking, and all the children are above average...

:wink:


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slowmutant
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28 Jul 2008, 11:51 am

What part is that? The Mid West?