judging women on their looks.

Post Reply New Topic

This whole 'judging on looks is shallow' thing has always been a crock of s**t. Staying in or starting a relationship with someone hot, pretending that you like them, just for sex, that's f****d up, yeah. But what are supposed to do? Have mediocre sex with people we're not attracted to?

Do you see an ugly person in the street, go up and shake their hand, ask them about themselves and then think 'hey, you've got a great personality'?

Do you check out someone's political views when they walk past you on the bus?

No. You see someone hot, and so you talk to them, and then you find out about their personality and it develops.

We are human. If you can see totally past looks then that's fine. But we aren't all that great as people. I know looks matter to me. But you know what matters most as far as looks? How YOU feel about them. It doesn't matter how perceivedly ugly they are, if YOU find them attractive that is all that matters, whether they are a slammin' hotty or what everyone else considers a hideous mess.

I've been involved with six or seven girls in various ways, and some of them were stunners and some of them weren't. They were different people. And there is not a set system. We are human, and denying who you are isn't fair to you or whoever you end up dating, pretending you like them in spite of a lack of physical attraction or mental compatability.

While the "Hot" women are certainly attractive, there's a lot more to be said for women who, by their appearance, demonstrate that they are healthy, confident, and know how to run their lives.

In my experience, "Hot" women are all about themselves. If you can enhance and/or advance their situations, then they're alright with you. But if they can find someone better, they're gone.

Also in my experience, women who look unhealthy, act depressed, and who expect others to support them are a lot of trouble. They're either too sick, to upset, or too nit-picky to carry their side of a meaningful relationship.

Again, this is from my personal experiences. Your experiences may vary (and probably will).

Yeah, my experience does differ, because people are different. I've never found enough of a trend to cast a net over a subsect of women like that, aside from self-esteem issues.

I totally agree, John.

I can't say that all the men I've met do anything - they're all much too unique to say something like that. I've also dated and had sex with women, and I can't say they were all a certain way either. People are much too different to blanket-judge.

While I find personality to be the most important, looks are your first impression. This of course changes if you're chatting online, without the benefit of pictures. Either way, though, looks are important.

I would never be with someone just because they were attractive.. there has to be personality to back it up, so that if I am with them a long time, and that beauty does fade, I have that personality that I love so much. If it was just for looks, then I'd leave them if they ever changed, which is just silly. You get to know someone's personality and then you love every part of them.. from that mole you didn't like at first, to the dimple on their butt, to how they pick their nose at every opportunity.

And what I meant to say, I worded it wrong before, is that the idea behind sex in many cases is to have kids.. it's not always what happens, thankfully, but even if we're not thinking of it at the time, it's instinct to choose someone who would bear or give children that you want. Animals choose mates that will handle childbearing, or give sperm to make strong children. It's how things work. While we don't always listen to instinct, it's in the back of your head somewhere.

My experience and views are similar to Nekowafer's; we're even the same height.

But how does body as part of appearance for men differ from the same for women? Men generally find smaller women more feminine, right? How many 6' men would =really= choose Rebecca Lobo over an objectively less pretty woman significantly shorter than themselves?


If a guy can contribute to me feeling like =less= of a moose than I often do, it doesn't matter how he does that; I'll see him as more masculine and more attractive.

Purely physical example: My feet aren't flippers, but often I think they're anything but feminine. About ten years ago, I was visiting (and trying to keep up with) a friend's masters swimming session. While hanging out at the end of the pool between sets, I held on to the buoy line and put my right foot on the pool wall above water. Then I noticed a foot on the wall on the other side of the buoy line. It dwarfed mine. It was so rough and hairy, suddenly mine looked smooth and delicate. Didn't think to look at the guy, but his foot gave me a new perspective on my own.
(Note. To. Self: try to remember to look at people attached to feet I notice.)

Opposite example: this scrawny kid who's 5'5" or so gives the nicest compliments, mostly about my clothes or the way I move, but never in a sleazy way. He seems like a man to me.

The ex built up his physical strength significantly over the time I knew him; it was optically pleasing, but him treating me as eternal Mommy (despite me being younger) skewed my view of him to anything but Manly.

Maybe something similar is true for men's view of what makes a woman attractive. What in a woman makes you feel like more of a man?

You said it better than I could, NYGOI! I just want someone to make me feel feminine, however they do it. Thankfully my boyfriend has slightly bigger feet than me, if only a half size :/

And the "feeling like a moose" comment is exactly how it is.. I dated a boy in highschool who was 3 years younger than me and super short and skinny.. I really liked him, but he hadn't grown up yet, physically or mentally, and just made me feel huge and moose-ly. He would stand behind me and hug me and all you could see was his arms!

The interesting thing is that while I want a man more masculine than I am, I want a woman more feminine.. I want to feel like the 'man' of that relationship, though that's not really the idea? I like to treat her like a princess and do all the things I'd love a guy to do for me. I'm not sure if it would be the same if I was shorter and thinner.

Forgive me for jumping in, as it seems you may have meant this question for Mr. Bogan. However, in no particular order...

Her desire for me.
The delicacy she displays when she disagrees with me or has to tell me that I'm wrong.
Sincerity in her words and acts of endearment.
The way she puts her head on my shoulder, or her hand on my arm.
How she fits just perfectly under my chin when we hug.
The way she looks when she dresses up just for me.
Her consideration of my feelings and opinions.
And her honest enthusiasm when we are physically intimate.

Well said, Fnord. Don't forget our ability to write symphonies, build bridges and invent the Internet, either. All of which (and many more) done by men who did not 'look pretty'.

Na, Fnord, that Q was for everybody.

Guess I should have phrased it more PC so that all orientations could feel it was open to their answers.

Plenty of guys are judged on looks! It bothers me that so many people on this forum in particular say that "all women do this" and "all men are like this".. You can't use such blanket statements on anyone, everyone is completely different everywhere!

I used to hate that people were shallow, that they would only see my face, how I dressed, how I looked and decide they didn't want to deal with me. Now I figure that it's probably a good thing that I don't HAVE to waste time trying to impress them, because they wouldn't like me anyways, me being the person I am and having the concerns and lack thereof that I do, and now instead I have more time to find people who will appreciate me for who I am, the more important qualities I have. To each their own, I'll just be happier finding someone who appreciates my mental and creative capacity, and me theirs, rather than someone whose interest in me is merely physical.

It may be because my erotophobia somewhat makes it hard for me to approach a woman that arrouses me (the "hot" woman) but aren't we drawn to someone's charisma more than to basic looks? It's like some people feel drawn to a certain attitude or charisma while similarly looking people lacking that charisma may not attract them at all. It is a bit more complex than just setting some criteria based on appearance and body parts and then look for your ideal match.

I guess I am weird somewhat but I like women who are a bit shy and introvert. I am attracted to fragility while the "strong and tough" look sort of turns me down. I think this is also why I am wearing make-up so loyally, it sort of makes a man look more vulnerable and fragile, which I like as I find the macho-esque "tough guy" very much unpleasant. In girls I sort of look like a female reflection of myself, so I am more bound to feel attracted to the quiet shy girl than the very extrovert easy going girl. I always felt such things to stir my interest more than looks in itself.

I think judging someone on their looks depends on what kind of judgment you are refering to. I look at other people all the time, and make assumptions about them. Often one's that likely aren't true, and really arrogant, so I try to shove that at the bottum of my mind. Just judgeing someone is unavoidable. The kind I don't agree with, is the ignorant kind.

The kind where a person looks at another person, and imediatly makes up their mind about who they supposedly are, and doesn't allow any other info about them to enter their little mind. (and yes, some women to are horrible about it. Men to granted, but I seem to whitness more women than men doing it.) Their mind fills in the blanks (so to speack) about what they are 'supposed' to be. eg. A white guy, meats a black girl. If she's failry casual, who knows if his mind will ponder up negative sterio types. Well, how about when he listens first to the sterio types and assumptions in his head, then acts out on them inapropriatly. "Sorry, I don't want a Ghetto girl." (rudeness.)

Of course, she's going to be mad, and with reason! They only just met, and he based everything on the surface, plus his brain's version of "fill in the blanks" for her type. On the other hand, if she just turned him off, and he can't help the fact. Then he needs to keep looking. Couldn't be helped.

To me, there's nothing wrong with judging the looks. I don't really buy that "Judging people based on looks is shallow" crap or the "Looks fade when you age" type of s**t. Rationalize all you want, looks are skin deep, but attraction is hardwired in your brain.

It's human nature to be attracted to certain features.

Attraction is deep in your brain, all the social conditioning in the world isn't gonna change what you're basically attracted to. There might be subtle differences in what people find attractive or maybe people might have fetishes, but it's generally the same preferences.

I don't give a f**k how shallow it is, I don't overlook everything else in a person just cuz there's one thing deep about em. No way in hell am I gonna settle for a fat chick.

People probably read those last two sentences and think I'm the biggest as*hole in the world, but I know you all have higher standards. Let's say you're meeting a friend. They could be really compatible with you, but if they never brush their teeth or shower, it's disgusting and you don't wanna hang with them. Same thing if you're a guy, you expect a girl to at least look decent and smell nice, even though those things aren't considered deep.

Yep self-esteem always shows up. Interesting nekowafer and No_you_get_over_it you sound like you choose guys to make you feel better about yourself.

The opposite is true like you say smaller, shorter women are more attractive than bigger taller women, that's what I find. But I don't judge women on height and weight to a certain extent. I really like a pretty face and the body doesn't matter that much, another thing is that I don't like muscles on a woman.

Birth rates are below replacement, developed countries are "aging", those breeding are the least fit to do so. As the human race matures, it will extinguish itself.

Be careful what you wish for.