judging women on their looks.

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Do people really rely on a significant other to buoy their self-esteem vis-à-vis gender identity like this? Maybe I've had such a sparsity of social relationships throughout my life that I've never become emotionally dependent on others in this way or developed certain social motives. Such ideas as looking for a woman has "sincerity in her words and acts of endearment", I'm not even sure if I'd recognize or be moved one way or the other for want of perception. It sounds like people who've had romantic relationships develop fondnesses for physical affection.

This only serves to remind me just how stark my life experiences really are and have minimal experiences to go on when I attempt to relate with others and begin friendships or attempt romantic overtures.

You could say, in the absence of these things in my life, physical beauty becomes one of the primary things I do notice (since it's immediate, obvious, and instinctual).

You want someone that makes you feel good about yourself. Some who "completes" you. I think almost anyone is that way, unless you think you're already "complete."

I guess that's why a partner is called the other half.

I must be weird, some of the ugliest women I have ever met, were very attractive,
there is more to beauty then meets the eye, its what is on the inside that counts.

QFT.

The sexes judge each other according to different criteria, but we all haves eyes and not antennae. We're visual creatures. . Our genes make us this way, so horribly superficial. Biological programming. But man and woman are not slave to their genes, never were. We also have hearts and minds. Is it wrong for me to be attracted to beautiful blondes with big breasts? No, but attraction is skin-deep. If I were shallow and materialistic, these thoughts would never cross my mind.

I have someone whom I consider my partner. We've bonded very deeply, Tara and I. Physically, mentally, and spiritually, have we come together. But Tara is a few years my senior, recently divorced with one child. She is admittedly obese and her appearance is not the best, nor is her health. We talk on MSN almost every day. We came close to breaking up awhile ago.

I am so conflicted because I have reservations about "settling" with this person, ie. taking what I can get. But I doubt there;s anyone else who would appreciate & understand me like Tara does. Can I do better than her? Can I find someone younger, prettier, and in better health? I don't know. But I could spend the rest of my life looking and never find that girl.

Tara knows about this dilemma of mine, and wants me to be happy. I don't think I'm totally satisfied with her because other possibilities are always nagging. I still have a wandering eye.
If I told her I wanted to find someone else she would understand and that is so amazing. We've already gone through this once already, but it's far from resolved ...

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Advice?

F**k yeah! Is it so wrong for men to be men and women to be women? Once upon a time, it was all the rage ...

I don't think you should be with someone if you are not attracted to them, you are only lying to her and yourself. She sounds like a great friend though.

Thanks for the advice, Bogan.

Now now, you can't say that about all people.

So with the obsession of looks as the most important aspect are you super hot?

I also wonder what would happen if you were with a very pretty female for a while but then another even more attractive female started to hit on you even though you were already with a pretty female, what would you do?

Would you drop your current relationship with someone who is pretty for the prettier one?

I guess I'm kinda shocked because I've seen this attitude amongst NT men alot and didn't really expect to see it with aspie males but I guess maybe aspie males are a little more honest about it.

If that is the case, I'll get over being shocked because it's refreshing in one way but it also reminds me of how I dated this guy I wasn't all that attracted to physically and none of the other girls liked him until i started seeing him. Then what made me attracted to him which was his personality started to turn into an ugly one once other girls were flirting with him. He started to act like the other egotistical jerks I tried to avoid like the plague.

I don't get women like that and I also don't get it when I hear overweight males complaining about their overweight wife.

Makes no sense.

Then again maybe I'm just weird and don't always fall for the most glitzy of chicklet teeth

Tara and I are not married, and I am not obese.

That was not to you. It was Mr Bogan.

I've kind of just thrown up a discussion about attraction, I don't think I'm obsessed with looks, just really saying that physical attraction plays a part in a relationship. For everybody it does at some point. I'm not looking for the most attractive woman I can get, I just saying that I need to feel physical attraction.

I wouldn't have a clue if I'm super hot. I don't think so. But in general women are way more judgemental about men in dating anyway. They are picky about looks but I'm not sure as much, they are more picky in other areas. But yeah it depends on the person.



No I would stay with the orginal one. I'm not a low life.



I'm sorry that you are shocked but physical attraction plays a part in a relationship.

Yeah the other girls see him as more successful because he has a relationship, so that makes him more attractive.
Or the other girls maybe want to see if they can steal him off you, for a self-esteem thing... Because the guy now has girls flirting with him it boosts his ego. If you take a dim view about human nature then you understand it.




Yes if you want to complain about you partners physical appearence you sure as hell need to back it up yourself.

If I can find meaning from those things then they will be the real me.

What exactly am I anyway? I am the things I do and the choices I make.

I've always thought it was unhealthy to rely on someone to "complete" you...

I see romance as supplementary rather than complementary. How could someone not be "'complete'"? Does a romantic partner provide a prosthetic leg or something? I can see it getting old really fast being with someone who constantly needs reassurance that she's feminine, that she's not too fat, etc. I've never been in a relationship, but to me it seems it should be about mutual fun and happiness. That is, they should add to each other's lives; it shouldn't be about making up for a lack of self-esteem or some such variable of "'completion.'"