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NihilKri
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05 Oct 2008, 5:24 pm

My girlfriend of five months and I were talking, and I said something and made her upset. She started crying and yelling and I didn't know what to do. Before I could think of anything I lied to make her feel better. I know it was wrong to lie to her, but I panicked at her reaction. After a while I admitted my lie, but that only made her even more upset. She doesn't trust me anymore and when I apologized she said I was giving her a guilt trip and she's afraid I'll keep hurting her. I learned from my mistake and I won't make it again. Please give me advice, I love her and don't want to lose her. Two extra questions, what did she mean by guilt trip, and she said "I need time to think." Is that bad?



JohnHopkins
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05 Oct 2008, 5:38 pm

Yes, generally, 'I need time to think' is bad.

First, tell us what this argument was about, becuase that's more important than the aftermath at this point really.



Paula
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05 Oct 2008, 6:05 pm

Ok what in the world did you say???? I'm a woman and I'm guessing she's over reacting and putting the guilt trip on you...which means...making you feel so guilty that you'll do what you can to appease her. But then again, I don't know what you said....it would have to be a doosey in order to justify her behavior. But you know what???? We won't hold it against you here.



AussieMatt
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05 Oct 2008, 6:11 pm

She is screwing you stupid. Guilt trip means goodbye, sorry i cheated on you because i wasn't even trying to be picky on you at time we met. So long sucker.


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NihilKri
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05 Oct 2008, 8:25 pm

What happened was I looked on google for her, just to see what I could find. After about 3000 pages, I found her picture on an old social site she hasn't been to in over two years. When I showed her the picture, that's when she got upset. After the initial reaction, she apologized and said it was from when she was with an old boyfriend, and she didn't want to be reminded of him. The problem isn't what she did, it's forgiven and forgotten, but how I panicked and lied.

To specify, it wasn't she that gave me the guilt trip, I apologized and she said I was giving her the guilt trip. I thought that was how I apologized, my mom says it when I apologize to her, but I didn't understand exactly what it meant I was doing. Was I overapologetic maybe?



pakled
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05 Oct 2008, 8:36 pm

it's only fatal if someone dies.

But looking through 3000 pages? That's going to be seen as 'creepy' at the least. What were you looking for? Most women want to share things; all you have to do is ask. If they don't want you to know, they'll tell you.



NihilKri
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05 Oct 2008, 9:22 pm

I realized that now, far too late. I wasn't looking for anything in particular, just anything. I just lost track of time, and I didn't notice the count until I looked up and it was 3000 something. And it was 3000 entries, not pages. 30 pages of 100 each. I have a habit of overresearching, I guess. That was the only one I found that had anything to do with her, everything else was just people of the same name, so I didn't even look at them.



Paula
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05 Oct 2008, 10:48 pm

Oh for peet sake when you realised you upset her you did the right thing and apologized. She needs to build a bridge and get over it. She's being rediculous.



sinsboldly
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06 Oct 2008, 8:13 pm

Paula wrote:
Oh for peet sake when you realised you upset her you did the right thing and apologized. She needs to build a bridge and get over it. She's being rediculous.


and anyone can be as rediculous as they care to be. I have often been thought "rediculous" when I was using the moment to break up with them as I wanted to do anyway.
someone doesn't have to forgive anyone that lies to them. . lies to them while they are crying, for pete's sake.

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07 Oct 2008, 1:20 am

If you value the relationship.. stick to the truth ( I guess that lesson is learned )
Also I understand why she was upset.. she felt like you were checking up on her.. or prying .. neither of which are nice feelings. Respect her privacy. No doubt she has had some kinf of life before you.. and not all of those things she may want to share with you, you need to respect that.



ShadesOfMe
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07 Oct 2008, 5:25 am

JohnHopkins wrote:
Yes, generally, 'I need time to think' is bad.

First, tell us what this argument was about, becuase that's more important than the aftermath at this point really.
It is??? She must be NT then, because when aspies say that it is not bad.



lotusblossom
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07 Oct 2008, 4:27 pm

Did you say "Im giving you the guilt trip" back to her, if so, that means you were doing it (showing her the picture) to make her feel guilty. Giving someone a guilt trip means doing something purposely to make them feel guilty (manipulating them).

hope that makes things clearer



ToadOfSteel
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07 Oct 2008, 5:15 pm

NihilKri wrote:
I realized that now, far too late. I wasn't looking for anything in particular, just anything. I just lost track of time, and I didn't notice the count until I looked up and it was 3000 something. And it was 3000 entries, not pages. 30 pages of 100 each. I have a habit of overresearching, I guess. That was the only one I found that had anything to do with her, everything else was just people of the same name, so I didn't even look at them.


If you were spending time looking her up on the internet instead of talking to her, she probably thinks that you don't trust her or something...