Is being nervous around the opposite sex sign of AS?

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letsGoBlues
Deinonychus
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17 Oct 2004, 10:57 pm

I was wondering if anyone else nervous around girls, or boys in the females case. For me When Im around a attractive looking girl I tend to be nervous. For example when I was in HS I had this cute looking teacher I liked and I was always nervous when I talked to her. Same as at work the chick I posted about before Im a little nervous when I talk to her. Is that a sign of AS or is that just normal for guys? Another example when I was in HS I was sitting on a bench one day and this really cute chick pretty smile and all just came up to me and asked what my name was and started talkign to me. I was only 16 at the time and seemed to brush her off cause I was too nervous to talk to her. I have not had a gf yet and now I look back and think how stupid I was not to ask her out. :cry: :cry: Do AS people have this problem? Should I talk to my Phychatrist or Phychologist about it?


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animallover
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17 Oct 2004, 11:20 pm

How old are you now? 'Cause this sounds more like teenager stuff than it does AS - I mean if you are now 18 and you still feel this way I wouldn't write it off to AS . . . but if you are now 40 - then I would . . .

I am not nervous around people of the opposite sex - in fact, I vastly prefer men to women - but I am also not attracted to anyone in that special sort of way . . . so I don't think we are talking about the same thing . . .



letsGoBlues
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17 Oct 2004, 11:43 pm

animallover wrote:
How old are you now? 'Cause this sounds more like teenager stuff than it does AS - I mean if you are now 18 and you still feel this way I wouldn't write it off to AS . . . but if you are now 40 - then I would . . .

I am not nervous around people of the opposite sex - in fact, I vastly prefer men to women - but I am also not attracted to anyone in that special sort of way . . . so I don't think we are talking about the same thing . . .


21 two weeks. I was asking this cause while Im not affraid to talk to a pretty person, but I seem nervous and shy away. Should I tell myPhychologist or Phychatrist next time I go? My Phychatrist asked if I ever had a gf before or if I socialize alot and I said no. He said I hint signals of AS and told me to see a phychologist to help me work with talking to people.


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vetivert
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18 Oct 2004, 3:03 am

i do exactly the same thing, letsgoblues, and, like animallover, i prefer the company of men - i find them easier to relate to.

it is "teenage stuff" as animallover put it, but i still do it, so it's probably part of the whole relating/relationships thing. maybe we both need to learn "how to". i often put off men i really like, because i'm so nervous, even if they like me.


animallover wrote:
How old are you now? 'Cause this sounds more like teenager stuff than it does AS - I mean if you are now 18 and you still feel this way I wouldn't write it off to AS . . . but if you are now 40 - then I would . . .


i would... what, animallover? i am, ahem, 42..... 8O
(not offended, just curious).

V



CockneyRebel
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18 Oct 2004, 7:34 am

I'm 30 and I freeze up when I'm surrounded by members of the opposite sex if they picked on me in school or I don't know them very well. If I know a guy really well, than I'm not afraid of him and I can talk to him for hours. I think it depends on the people that I come into contact with.



letsGoBlues
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18 Oct 2004, 8:36 am

vetivert wrote:
i do exactly the same thing, letsgoblues, and, like animallover, i prefer the company of men - i find them easier to relate to.

it is "teenage stuff" as animallover put it, but i still do it, so it's probably part of the whole relating/relationships thing. maybe we both need to learn "how to". i often put off men i really like, because i'm so nervous, even if they like me.


animallover wrote:
How old are you now? 'Cause this sounds more like teenager stuff than it does AS - I mean if you are now 18 and you still feel this way I wouldn't write it off to AS . . . but if you are now 40 - then I would . . .


i would... what, animallover? i am, ahem, 42..... 8O
(not offended, just curious).

V


Luckly your a girl. So it's a little easier cause guys will come to you looking for a date.


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alfonzo
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18 Oct 2004, 9:30 am

I'm 28 and i'm also very nervous around women.



chamoisee
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18 Oct 2004, 10:37 am

Hmmm, well, I'm 32 and I'm this way also. I sometimes even start shaking or shivering (when my body is not cold) or my hands tremble. This was what I was talking about in the thread about love and terror. The more attracted I feel, the more nervous I tend to be, and the more likely I am to show my attraction in indirect ways, while seeming to ignore them. Direct interaction with someone like this is too painful.

Being female doesn't help at all. If a guy pursues me, I tend to withdraw or run or avoid them- I do _not_ like to be pursued. If he is too direct, I feel put on the spot and defensive.

I think the nervousness stems from a fear of intense feelings or a sense of impending loss of control.



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18 Oct 2004, 12:08 pm

chamoisee wrote:
Hmmm, well, I'm 32 and I'm this way also. I sometimes even start shaking or shivering (when my body is not cold) or my hands tremble. This was what I was talking about in the thread about love and terror. The more attracted I feel, the more nervous I tend to be, and the more likely I am to show my attraction in indirect ways, while seeming to ignore them. Direct interaction with someone like this is too painful.

Being female doesn't help at all. If a guy pursues me, I tend to withdraw or run or avoid them- I do _not_ like to be pursued. If he is too direct, I feel put on the spot and defensive.

I think the nervousness stems from a fear of intense feelings or a sense of impending loss of control.


I personally think it's a sense of loss of control. When i feel attracted to someone, i get overexcited and i have trouble managing these feelings. I can start shaking too, sometimes lose my voice.
I think i just don't know how to handle and show these feeling properly.



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18 Oct 2004, 12:23 pm

What I meant was that if you are 18 and nervous around the opposite sex that is just normal teenage stuff, but if it persists past that point then it gets into things that I would consider AS symptoms . . .

Trust me - I have no room to talk - I've never so much as kissed anyone of any gender - and I have no desire to . . . I'm 30 . . .



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18 Oct 2004, 4:12 pm

animallover wrote:
What I meant was that if you are 18 and nervous around the opposite sex that is just normal teenage stuff, but if it persists past that point then it gets into things that I would consider AS symptoms . . .

Trust me - I have no room to talk - I've never so much as kissed anyone of any gender - and I have no desire to . . . I'm 30 . . .


I turn 21 next week.


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midge
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18 Oct 2004, 8:43 pm

I am the same way as all of you, (I'm 20 by the way) although it depends on the person. If it's someone I'm interested in, I get so nervous I go on hyperdrive-I shake, drop things, and get completely jumpy (should make for a pretty interesting first date, huh?). Once, on the night before I was to see this guy I was interested in I slept for maybe 2 hours. When they try to approach me or I try to approach them I always duck out at the last minute. I think that the only way to get around this is to just do it and get it over with and focus all that energy on the person and once the intitial nervousness passes it will probably get much easier. Or the other way is to meet someone in a situation where we can both just start talking about something we're interested in and go from there-maybe we'll just bump into eachother at a bookstore or something :-)



gavrod
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19 Oct 2004, 2:26 am

I still have the same problem I have when I was a teenager. I've never had a girlfriend and I get extremely anxious and nervous around attractive women. And it only aggravates the problem even further when the girl or women doesn't like the look of me and they think they are too good for me. This has caused me severe problems with self-esteem and I hate myself most of the time because of it. :(



MishLuvsHer2Boys
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19 Oct 2004, 9:34 am

I have a cousin that is clearly NT (my mother's side of the family) and he is now about 26-27 and is still nervous around women. I don't think it's solely an 'AS trait', I think it's a 'human nature' thing. It's the unexpected and unpredictable. Just as most things social it seems. I get nervous around the opposite gender at times, but I was always a tomboy as they called me because of my interest in sports (not really just playing but watching and recalling stats) but my interest in boys' toys. I am more nervous around women. I always have been. Most of the people that made fun of me growing up were mainly female (majority of them).



KtMcS
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19 Oct 2004, 2:19 pm

I think it's part of being human

I find talking to boys difficult and uncomfortable, and talking to men or older boys even worse. I have to know a boy for a long time before I can start a conversation with him on my own or just have a conversation without a large group and not feel uncomfortable. Its probably why they all think Im not interested in them... :(


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WillyWebbs
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19 Oct 2004, 3:46 pm

I used to be nervous around the opposite sex until i had my first girlfriend during my freshman year. That was kind of a wake up call, even though the relationship didnt end well, but thats a whole nother story.