Rant about loneliness

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Where do I begin?

In my desperation and loneliness, I joined a dating site online and paid for 3 months on the site. I've been very active on it and I've sent out informal emails to girls on the site I find attractive, basically saying "Hey, you seem like a pretty interesting gal, would you like to chat?". Friendly and informal, I didn't try to be a romantic or anything. And you know what? 0 responses, and it has been 2 months now or so. 0 responses, not even the slightest indication of interest.

I have joined other dating sites, like Plenty of Fish and others to name a few, that were completely free and sent messages out on there as well. Once again I was polite and kind, and was just looking for friendship. By the way, I joined these online matchmaking services because I am well articulated and mannerly online, and I am very interesting when I talk about things on here.

I digress. So what happened? Well none of the girls I sent emails to EVER sent me an email back. Not a polite "no thank you, I'm interested", just completely ignored me. Others ignored me and deleted my messages.

That wasn't the biggest insult. The biggest insult came when extremely unattractive girls started sending me messages, wanting to possibly start something romantic with me. I'm talking about morbidly obese girls, often with more than one chin. Do you know how insulting that is? To try and be friendly with girls online and for them to ignore you, but for the most unattractive girls you have ever seen to come after you.

Isn't it bad enough that I've been single 22 years now (all my life), that I have to be mocked even more with this? Isn't bad enough that I burn with desire and passion because no f*****g girl ever cared for me romantically? I swear to God, I think ALL women are superficial hypocrites, a lot of you say you're looking for Mr. Right or a nice guy, and when one tries to be friendly with you, you just push him away and ignore him. No, Mr. Right has to be perfect, Mr. Right has to be MORE than average looking, Mr. Right has to be an extravert, Mr Right has to be this, that, and the other. Well do you want to know something, sweethearts? THERE IS NO f*****g MR. RIGHT, and the sooner you realize that, the better! And look at what I did, I didn't even try to be romantic on these sites, I just was trying to be friendly and kind. But no, rudeness seems to be a courtesy, even for a guy interested in friendship and who was well mannered about it. How ironic and hypocritical for girls to complain about guys who end up acting totally different once they start dating them, when it was THEY THEMSELVES (girls) who decided to accept the offer of dating from the guys. Buyers beware!

I'm not some whiny 16 year old who is lonely because he's been single a year or less. I'm not being a big baby about this. But I swear, it pisses me so f*****g much to be rejected, even for the simple request of friendship. I am not a bad looking guy, I'm actually quite average looking, but since I'm not the CREME DE LE CREME of males, it doesn't matter. Yes, a lot of guys are superficial, I won't lie, but women are AS superficial as guys are, perhaps even more. It's pathetic, I RESENT my female peers so very much, but I need them as much as I resent them, a cruel irony.

There, I released some of my poison, I just had to let it out of my system.

I know you're not asking for tips here, but I'll give you my take anyway:

I would probably not respond to this either. It's friendly, yes, but vague. Perhaps you could mention why they seem interesting, give them something to respond to.
Completely making this up now, but if they're into (for example) Stephen King books, and you've read some of them, then you could add something like "I see you like SK, have you read ____, it's my favorite. Especially the part where____".
Then they think you cared enough to actually read their profile, and aren't just sending random messages to everyone who has a cute pic hoping to get lucky.
So that's the best I can give you, comment on something in the profile. Asking a question in addition is good too, then they're just being rude if they ignore you.

Good luck.

You are bitching that no one is contacting you back, but when you get contacted, you base everything on looks and don't give them a chance. Sounds to me like you are the hypocrite.

I have joined dating sites, I have always talked to and goine out with women that I thought were unattrative. But you get to know them, see if there is a spark. maybe become friends. My point is, keep an open mind and don't blow people off based on looks.

Last edited by KenM on 13 Dec 2008, 9:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Hey AutisticMalcontent,

I'm with you there. To hell with the lot of 'em. It's all about power. At this point in our lives, they've got it, but few have any real ambition, or mind for anything beyond shopping, and spending money and hanging out with girlfriends to talk about pointless, banal trivialities. Just wait. We're smarter, more driven, better than them. Our time will come when WE have the power, and they can finally get a taste of their own medicine when we pick and choose and THEY're the ones getting rejected. They can only skate by so long on their looks, and once those go, they've got nothing.

So take pride in yourself. Work hard, find a passion, and make them come after you.

Stay Strong.

AutisticMalcontent: I do know...sigh. I am female, but humans are just peculiar. WHY they don't have the courtesy to even respond back to you is plain inconsiderate. I am sorry. This happens to not just males but females too, I know.

Unknown...maybe you could find one that likes the same activites as you since the contact part just doesn't work. I think many NTs (yes, I'm likely generalizing here, but by justifiable pattern) JUST rely upon their superficial charm, but it's a facade. They can be shallow and vacant too. And harsh. I think their not responding is the worst - a polite rejection is at least better!


No idea....you'll find one who's better. And pretty too. But I know your frustration.

Or, I know! To the next one who's ignorant.....rick roll her! (Refer to the Wrong Planet fun rick rolling thread) Innocent fun - Aspie style. Check out rick roll on YouTube - too funny!

KenM, I agree with you totally.

In fact I would say he is even worse than the girls who ignore him. He is actually *indignant* and *angry* that girls who he doesn't find attractive even *dare* to contact him. OMFG how dare these girls contact the wonderful and great me. Kill them, they don't deserve to live! I mean you don't have to go so far as to date them - if you don't find them attractive you don't find them attractive - but treat them with a little dignity as human beings with desires, wants and feelings. In fact the exact same way you want the girls you actually find attractive to treat you, even if they don't want to date you.

Add being an egotistical maniac to being a superficial hypocrite. It's actually somewhat pathetic in a way. Someone who is so incompetent at dating and yet so completely full of themselves at the same time.

Last edited by AnnieK on 13 Dec 2008, 6:35 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Egotistical maniac? Hypocrite? I will accept the latter claim to some degree, but an egotistical maniac? I wonder what is worse being a presumptuous ass or a hypocrite? In fact, MOST of us are hypocrites romantically, and although I don't know your romantic circumstances, I can bet that you have your standards, that you aren't entirely without superficiality, like all of us are.

I have no doubt you would be dissulisioned if you were in my circumstance. Would you nearly be so optimistic and happy if the most unattractive men you've ever met were the ONLY ones interested in you. Deny it all you want, but you know its true, you would be upset, angry, or annoyed. Hypocrisy, ha!

This is not about how successfully romantic you are, this is about your ability to act as a decent human being. And you fail that. You are soooo NOT a "nice guy". Anyone who mocks and makes fun of an entire group for their physical characteristics and treats them with disdain and disrespect for simply being lonely and wanting human contact (note you don't have to actually date them, but just treat them with respect) is a class A jerk, and moreover one is completely full of themselves. In fact I would say that you are one of these guys who are genuinely jerks but pretend to be nice to try to pick up girls. It is this sort of thing which makes girls suspicious of "nice guys" sometimes. You ruin it for true nice guys out there.

So for all of the *true* nice guys here who have trouble getting dates, part of the reason (I won't say all of it, because let's face, lots of girls are superficial and there is some truth in the whole girls being attracted to jerks thing) why girls may be suspicious of you is because of "nice guys" who are actually class A jerks and only pretending to be nice to pick them up, like the OP.

No, you *think* you are humble, but your OMFG, how dare these girls even attempt to contact me, show your true self, who you really are. Which is an egotistical class A jerk. Your actions show you really are.



Your entire rant about them in your OP show what you really think. You are capable of being superficially nice but let's put it this way. If someone started a thread about how they overheard some girls who just rejected them mocking all asperger's guys and how insulting it is that they would even dare think of contacting them for romantic reasons they would still say they are class A jerks even if they rejected them nicely to their face.

In fact you're a two-faced. You are nice to their faces. But then you turn around and ridicule them to others behind their back. That makes you even more of a class A jerk.

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I agree that everyone has standards. I use the term superficial hypocrite because you use the exact same term to describe girls who also have standards.

Also you are hypocrite for ranting on about how *they* want the creme de la creme but then turning around and dumping on girls who may not be the creme de la creme. You have the same attitude they do and yet they spend the post ranting about it. That is way more hypocrisy than the cute girls are showing. Actually the attitude the cute girls are showing is not hypocrisy so much as it is being picky. *You're* the only hypocrite here.

As for the egotistical maniac part, your actions here show the truth of it. It's like, uh, how dare these girls even bother to contact me. It's not the fact that you find them unattractive that shows your egotistical maniac part. It's the how *dare* they bit.

Actually what's even pathetic is you are a class A jerk, hypocrite and egotistical maniac but you don't even *realize* it. You actually *think* you are a nice guy and even *humble*. I mean, that lack of self-awareness is amazing.

Last edited by AnnieK on 13 Dec 2008, 6:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

so you're saying all women are shallow when you only rely on looks yourself.

*cough*hypocrite*cough*

I'm trying to figure something out, so, fat girls are insulting you by saying "hello, I think you're cute." how does that insult you in ANY way? I'm a big girl and I'm dating an aspie, I found him online and we're happy. Boo hoo for him, he gets fat ol' me, I shouldn't even talk to him because he's f***ing gorgeous (I mean that, he is gorgeous).

Dating sites are the realm of the desperate. I've been single for almost as long as you (and like you, life long), and even I'm not desperate enough to use a dating site. The only women that are truly desperate enough to use a dating site are women that are on the extreme of not-good-looking, since even average-looking women can get dates with any man so long as they have something resembling a personality...

I must have zero personality then since my being average-looking doesn't ever get me any dates

I wouldn't ever join a dating site though, pretty much because I generally don't care that much.

Yeah.

Anyway, if some girl was ranting on about "socially awkward weirdos" and OMFG how insulting it is they even dare to contact her well, I'm sure everyone here would give the advice that the girl is a complete b***h who is completely up herself and it is probably better for the guy that she rejected him.

I think we should apply the same advice here. Those fat girls probably had a lucky escape.

BTW the OP's rant about fat girls is *exactly* the sort of thing that makes asking people out, whether you are male or female hard. It is everyone's worse nightmare that they are not only rejected, but they are mocked and ridiculed. OMFG how dare you even ask me out you poor excuse for a male/female. Even if it is behind their back. In fact it might be kinder and less dishonest and two-faced to mock them to their face...Anyone who does that sort of mocking is a complete jerk, whether male or female.

Note, I'm not saying that anyone *has* to find fat girls attractive, just like it's not as if the hypothetical girl has to find shy geeks attractive. However, to think it is insulting that that *gasp, shock, horror* even dare contact the OP, and then mock and ridicule them for getting up the courage to make contact is the issue here.

Last edited by AnnieK on 13 Dec 2008, 7:39 pm, edited 2 times in total.

^^good points. I'd love to see the picture of the OP, I bet he's no George Clooney himself

The average-looking was a generalization, the point was about desperation. To be honest I've never heard of an attractive-to-average woman using a dating site. Ever. Many will be single, possibly by choice since they want to focus on other areas of life, possibly because it's just something they don't want. Some will be single, but only know the realm of pricks and therefore not know any men worth going out with. But only the most un-attractive women are the ones that I've seen use dating sites before, mostly out of desperation. The desperation applies to men as well, although average-looking men are also desperate since most women only want some guy who looks like brad pitt (assuming brad pitt is still what women go for these days... to be honest I can't keep track of this **** anymore...)