[25+ Age] L & D Forums for High-Functioning Adult AS?

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Thankyou very much for the offer, and everyone here has been fantastic and helpful. It's more that with some personal things happening to me, I prefer not to post up the details on a public forum (some things I've found I can, but this sort of stuff I feel a bit too vulnerable about to post details where anyone could read, and also because I haven't really seen any corresponding posts).
What I sort of meant in my post, was that there weren't any general (so general as opposed to really specific) discussion posts up here about the sorts of dating world problems I have that I could peruse/add comments.
Also, I am reluctant to do so because there are a lot of (very understandably) bitter people here who I would probably only upset by talking about "second stage" problems integrating myself into the dating world, while they haven't reached the first stage yet.

understandable I have used the love and dating forum some aspects of flirting and dating I still don't get yet. There are particular points in flirting when especially with a woman who is aggressive that I'm kinda dumbfounded like what do I say now. I also consulted love and dating when I was thinking bout dating a girl with spina bifida I guess I had a missinformed view on the defect.

I've seen the worst in people since I was a young teenager. I know people who have been raped even their accused rapists (I say accused in the sense of I most likely don't have all the facts and there are some women who falsely accuse men of raping them). I have a family full of drug addicts and friends who have been on the wrong side of morality. Now I helped alot of them and despite that I think there is hope for humanity as a whole I realize in that aspect that people make mistakes but generally are good people unless they decide otherwise.

BY not getting over your experiences as traumatic as they are your holding yourself back. This is causing you to blame people unrelated to your plight and look for sexism everywhere. When emphella came into this conversation she basically started calling people idiots and virgins if this was a real life meeting of sorts she put herself in real danger of rape or violence. She used the nature of a forum so that she could insult people.

As far as your personal situation you need to decide how to get over it in whatever form it takes since how you get over it is highly personal and different for everyone. If that takes therapy do it, if it takes numerous nights of being alone and crying, then do it but in the end you hold so much hate and anguish in yourself that it threatens to take over who you are and to consume your potential. As you see here alot of people have similar situations and those people might also help you to get over this event the difference is their life is not consumed with the aftermath.

If we want to talk about whats more likely in this situation. With how your holding on to the anguish and hate of these events makes you more likely to commit a deviant sexual act even to molest or rape someone else. In effect you would become the thing you hate and lose your purpose and quite frankly even though you hate me for what I say and what not I want you to suceed as a person. I want you to be a successful person whatever form that takes for you. In your current condition you won't be able to do that.

Additionally you might need to change acquaitances, places you go, or change your living situation to avoid these problems your having if they keep happening. There are numerous women's shelters , there are probably women support groups for people with these experiences. There are resources to get you out of this situation its time to look and take advantage of them. If this involves a member of your family you may need to find a new place to live and move out or take advantage of a temporary living situation.

Yes! I know what you mean. Flirting is quite difficult to get right because you've got to control the level at which it is on/control when you do it, and often I unintentionally flirt with someone I'm not actually attracted to, because I'm trying to be friendly and I guess I don't time my eye contact right, or smile too much, or something (all of which I try to calculate to get right), and they end up coming on to me, and I have to extricate myself from the situation.

yea I usually have the issue of it going to fast since women think I'm good looking theres a picture of me in the best looking male aspie thread (shameless self promotion) and when they go to far I try to backtrack it a little and get stuck trying to think of a way to backtrack it while keeping interest. Not to seem like I lead people on but I try to flirt with alot of people while not giving false signals. Its for the reason that I know I'm not good at it the doing it gives me a little social intuition and knowhow I do not possess naturally.

Be careful when you start to redefine how other people feel. Trauma for one person is not the same as trauma for another person. Someone could have the same level of trauma after a week that another person has held for years. The point remains the same that if you redefine yourself as a rape victim then you will walk around like a victim. You will allow a single event and the actions of another person to dictate and define your entire life... allowing that person continued control over your life. Rapists want control, dominance, they want you to be afraid. And by continually identifying yourself as a victim you extend their control over your life long past a point they ever could. That victim mentality then makes you a target for other people who are looking for victims. Or worse, you could belittle other people who are also victims to assert dominance, or become an abuser yourself. Both of which I have seen.

In fact, one of the people who sexually abused me, did so because she felt like I deserved a little of the pain she felt. She was abused and she held onto that victim mentality and she lashed out at everyone and then she fixated on me and felt like she should "even the score" and make someone else feel her pain. She knew how it had felt and how she hated it when it was done to her, but she marginalized any abuse anyone else had felt as not being traumatic enough.

I am not saying that you are going to be an abuser. I am saying that to turn to another person and say "your pain is less than mine" or "you have not felt pain like I have" is the desire to dominate that other person through your experiences. It is not healthy. And it is part of the issue with continually identifying yourself as a "victim". You were a victim during a the time that the event happened. Once it is over you are no longer a "victim" unless you want to be.


strangers are not bound by sexual harrassment laws in the same way bosses and coworkers are. If they were everyone would be charging each other for "dick" and "b***h".

Lol, yeah I can often be found guilty of shameless self promotion. It's quite sad really *theatrical sigh*. Impulsively I posted a link to a picture of myself in a bikini up here (in my defense, it was a good picture), but in retrospect it probably wasn't a good idea.

My biggest problem tends to be trying to find kind ways to discourage guys I'm not interested in romantically from flirting with me, without being hurtful or mean (as I hate to be nasty after copping a lifetime of that growing up).

yea its understandable. The girl with Spina Bifida I found out she smoked and drank and as my grandfather died from emphsema from smoking and my family having alcoholism problems I just don't want to deal with that in my relationship. So now we're in an odd state kinda friends with benefits (not sexual but we kiss like a couple) kinda not.

EDIT: replaced drugs with drinking since she drinks and not does drugs. Man I must be tired ...

Friends with benefits is a weird sort of thing, I'm just beginning to delve into all that now.

My curiosity got the better of me (like you knew it would damn you ) and I looked. I like the expression on your face. I'm hotter though. (bring it on, fellow self promoter! And the fun begins...)

more importantly ...so you were interested in friends with benefits. (Snickers jk) Besides I can't do the whole photo propganda when I moved I didn't take my digital camera :: pout pout::

Real men want two things; danger and play. Thats why they want women as the most dangerous plaything. - Friederich Nietzsche

more importantly... a guy usually speaks the first thing on his mind, which is rarely the first thing on the mind of the girl. my digital camera is broken anyway. Which is probably good for me.

You remind me of a few friends of mine. Why I tend to attract guy friends like you (not intended negatively), I do not know. If you knew me personally you'd understand...

Nice quote.

I'm intelligent but I still have hormones so pictures of a beautiful woman is something that is never too far off from my mind. Well the whole thing of getting this ontopic brought it off again.

God, you remind me of a friend of mine who would sulk because I "never let my breasts out of their cage" or something along those lines. Like they were poor trapped doves or something.

A never ending source of amusement, that one.

Anyway, as amusing as this conversation could become, we're clogging up the forum.

not really worried about it due to the fact that its either us shamelessly flirt, compare stories, and talk about b... birdies or we end up going on its current couse and well flirting just seems the better option. Yes shame on you free the bo.... I mean birdies.

It is also an entertaining diversion while doing the character design thing for my final project in school.

Like I say to him, ain't going to happen, and keep your shirt on in public!

Yeah, an amusing diversion for me while I procrastinate and do nothing for the first time in weeks. (I'm on uni holidays, but working a few jobs to save up)

Character design? That sounds fun.

Anyway, I was just about to sign off and get myself some lunch, thus feeding myself up to do something more practical with my free hours like tidying my room and properly graphing my work hours, or FINALLY starting on my self devised art project or working on my music compositions.

I'll be on and off, probably.

where do you live?