How to find a boyfriend if you are a female with Asperger's?

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gsilver
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07 May 2009, 7:45 pm

Many, many guys fall into the "I'm in love with my best friend" mindset.

It's entirely possible that just trying to find friends may naturally bring about someone who's interested in you.


At any rate, having a lot of friends also means having a lot of people who could introduce you to someone as a potential dating partner.



Now, personally (I'm a guy, BTW), I have trouble meeting people, period, so even though I know that these things are good to do to find someone, I'm not very good at it.



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07 May 2009, 8:00 pm

ikorack wrote:
sunshower wrote:
em_06 wrote:
Hey! I am wondering, how do you find a boyfriend ( AS or NT) when you are a female with Asperger's Syndrome? Somebody please give me some advice!


You have two options.

1. Turn yourself NT. Pretty yourself up (that includes tons of makeup), try to become a mirror image of every other girl as much as possible, copy everything they do, smile prettily at every guy you see while using eye contact. Observe how other girls flirt with guys, and try to imitate. Effectively, you will gain yourself a bf eventually who is into the construct you have created.

2. Be yourself, find someone you like, and go after them relentlessly. Do everything in your power to win them over. NEVER GIVE UP. If you can't do all the invisible cues and whatnot, just try plain speak instead and make up for it in determination. Hopefully, you will eventually win someone who likes you for you.

(It's pretty obvious that I recommend option number 2 ;))

As for ways to win someone over being yourself, try befriending them, stun them with your knowledge, try to show off all your good characteristics around them. Pretty much, you need to sell yourself to them. It's sort of like marketing, in a way...




I don't recommend 2 i know if a woman was doing that to me she would probably get tazed


What's tazed? Anyway, number 2 is the only real option. Number 1 is pretty much the same as turning yourself into a commodity then prostituting yourself out for the title of "being in a relationship" in return. What's the point? Anyone who goes for you after number 1 will never like "you"; what they really wanted was your run of the mill made up NT girl, so you're not only selling yourself short - but also selling them short too.


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lotusblossom
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08 May 2009, 3:25 am

sunshower wrote:
ikorack wrote:
sunshower wrote:
em_06 wrote:
Hey! I am wondering, how do you find a boyfriend ( AS or NT) when you are a female with Asperger's Syndrome? Somebody please give me some advice!


You have two options.

1. Turn yourself NT. Pretty yourself up (that includes tons of makeup), try to become a mirror image of every other girl as much as possible, copy everything they do, smile prettily at every guy you see while using eye contact. Observe how other girls flirt with guys, and try to imitate. Effectively, you will gain yourself a bf eventually who is into the construct you have created.

2. Be yourself, find someone you like, and go after them relentlessly. Do everything in your power to win them over. NEVER GIVE UP. If you can't do all the invisible cues and whatnot, just try plain speak instead and make up for it in determination. Hopefully, you will eventually win someone who likes you for you.

(It's pretty obvious that I recommend option number 2 ;))

As for ways to win someone over being yourself, try befriending them, stun them with your knowledge, try to show off all your good characteristics around them. Pretty much, you need to sell yourself to them. It's sort of like marketing, in a way...




I don't recommend 2 i know if a woman was doing that to me she would probably get tazed


What's tazed? Anyway, number 2 is the only real option. Number 1 is pretty much the same as turning yourself into a commodity then prostituting yourself out for the title of "being in a relationship" in return. What's the point? Anyone who goes for you after number 1 will never like "you"; what they really wanted was your run of the mill made up NT girl, so you're not only selling yourself short - but also selling them short too.


I think his problem is with the phraze
Quote:
NEVER GIVE UP


its very important to know when to cut your loses as thats the difference between being forward and being a stalker :D

know when to quit, very important :D

I think you ment never give up on yourself or never give up on love though :D



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12 May 2009, 7:40 pm

This video may help:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lAZWM7lKEOY[/youtube]


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sunshower
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13 May 2009, 3:48 am

lotusblossom wrote:
sunshower wrote:
ikorack wrote:
sunshower wrote:
em_06 wrote:
Hey! I am wondering, how do you find a boyfriend ( AS or NT) when you are a female with Asperger's Syndrome? Somebody please give me some advice!


You have two options.

1. Turn yourself NT. Pretty yourself up (that includes tons of makeup), try to become a mirror image of every other girl as much as possible, copy everything they do, smile prettily at every guy you see while using eye contact. Observe how other girls flirt with guys, and try to imitate. Effectively, you will gain yourself a bf eventually who is into the construct you have created.

2. Be yourself, find someone you like, and go after them relentlessly. Do everything in your power to win them over. NEVER GIVE UP. If you can't do all the invisible cues and whatnot, just try plain speak instead and make up for it in determination. Hopefully, you will eventually win someone who likes you for you.

(It's pretty obvious that I recommend option number 2 ;))

As for ways to win someone over being yourself, try befriending them, stun them with your knowledge, try to show off all your good characteristics around them. Pretty much, you need to sell yourself to them. It's sort of like marketing, in a way...




I don't recommend 2 i know if a woman was doing that to me she would probably get tazed


What's tazed? Anyway, number 2 is the only real option. Number 1 is pretty much the same as turning yourself into a commodity then prostituting yourself out for the title of "being in a relationship" in return. What's the point? Anyone who goes for you after number 1 will never like "you"; what they really wanted was your run of the mill made up NT girl, so you're not only selling yourself short - but also selling them short too.


I think his problem is with the phraze
Quote:
NEVER GIVE UP


its very important to know when to cut your loses as thats the difference between being forward and being a stalker :D

know when to quit, very important :D

I think you ment never give up on yourself or never give up on love though :D


Yeah, I see how it could come across that way... I more meant never give up on attempting to cross the social barrier when you know there's something there, but your social ineptitude is getting in the way.


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hale_bopp
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14 May 2009, 5:37 am

I wouldn't know, I have this problem myself. Couldn't get a man I'm interested in to save my life.



alex
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14 May 2009, 5:45 am

sunshower wrote:
em_06 wrote:
Hey! I am wondering, how do you find a boyfriend ( AS or NT) when you are a female with Asperger's Syndrome? Somebody please give me some advice!


You have two options.

1. Turn yourself NT. Pretty yourself up (that includes tons of makeup), try to become a mirror image of every other girl as much as possible, copy everything they do, smile prettily at every guy you see while using eye contact. Observe how other girls flirt with guys, and try to imitate. Effectively, you will gain yourself a bf eventually who is into the construct you have created.

2. Be yourself, find someone you like, and go after them relentlessly. Do everything in your power to win them over. NEVER GIVE UP. If you can't do all the invisible cues and whatnot, just try plain speak instead and make up for it in determination. Hopefully, you will eventually win someone who likes you for you.

(It's pretty obvious that I recommend option number 2 ;))

As for ways to win someone over being yourself, try befriending them, stun them with your knowledge, try to show off all your good characteristics around them. Pretty much, you need to sell yourself to them. It's sort of like marketing, in a way...


being pretty with makeup doesn't necessarily conflict with "being yourself"



lotusblossom
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14 May 2009, 6:01 am

hale_bopp wrote:
I wouldn't know, I have this problem myself. Couldn't get a man I'm interested in to save my life.


dont give up Hale :D Ive just met an amazing man who makes me very happy, so you never know whats round the corner :D



sunshower
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14 May 2009, 6:04 am

alex wrote:
sunshower wrote:
em_06 wrote:
Hey! I am wondering, how do you find a boyfriend ( AS or NT) when you are a female with Asperger's Syndrome? Somebody please give me some advice!


You have two options.

1. Turn yourself NT. Pretty yourself up (that includes tons of makeup), try to become a mirror image of every other girl as much as possible, copy everything they do, smile prettily at every guy you see while using eye contact. Observe how other girls flirt with guys, and try to imitate. Effectively, you will gain yourself a bf eventually who is into the construct you have created.

2. Be yourself, find someone you like, and go after them relentlessly. Do everything in your power to win them over. NEVER GIVE UP. If you can't do all the invisible cues and whatnot, just try plain speak instead and make up for it in determination. Hopefully, you will eventually win someone who likes you for you.

(It's pretty obvious that I recommend option number 2 ;))

As for ways to win someone over being yourself, try befriending them, stun them with your knowledge, try to show off all your good characteristics around them. Pretty much, you need to sell yourself to them. It's sort of like marketing, in a way...


being pretty with makeup doesn't necessarily conflict with "being yourself"


True, that was stereotyping of me. Pretty much - don't pretend to be someone else in order to win yourself a boyfriend, be yourself and try to find someone who likes you for you.


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LePetitPrince
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14 May 2009, 11:57 am

There's a difference between wanting to get the bf you wish for or just getting a bf, because the latter would be a piece of cake for most females.

There's a girl I know who's the most socially inept/awkward girl I ever met, she NEVER hang out after 10:00 pm , she never went to night clubs or such stuff, very religious (and that's why I ran away from her haha) yet (if I recall well) she is with her 4th or 5th bf now. And she isn't that gorgeous either , she's financially poor and very poorly educated in foreign languages. Any guy in her same condition wouldn't even have the chance to get a date.


The moral is , girls can get a bf if they wish for unless if they are being so choosy or voluntary not seeking.

As for getting a very specific type of guy you want, that's a different story.



Northeastern292
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15 May 2009, 4:12 pm

We're not really (us guys) that hard to figure out. It does help to be close by a major city though. I know that there are autism conventions, and those are places where you could meet someone with AS or even NT.

Sometimes you find love without even looking...take me for instance!



techstepgenr8tion
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15 May 2009, 8:27 pm

Do what you do best - be cerebral, have your own identity, let it be seen that you march to the beat of your own drum; guys like independent women a lot (or at least most guys who are worth all that much) and with AS it should come even more natural. Looking good is the other part of the battle but, that's mostly a matter of taking care of yourself, hygiene, and building a clothing style, expressive style, etc. that fits and accentuates the best of who you are (this part though is advice I'd give to guys just as quickly).



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21 Jul 2014, 3:51 pm

Finding a boyfriend as an aspie girl is almost impossible for an aspie women that doesn't have any hobbies.



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21 Jul 2014, 3:55 pm

LePetitPrince wrote:
There's a difference between wanting to get the bf you wish for or just getting a bf, because the latter would be a piece of cake for most females.

There's a girl I know who's the most socially inept/awkward girl I ever met, she NEVER hang out after 10:00 pm , she never went to night clubs or such stuff, very religious (and that's why I ran away from her haha) yet (if I recall well) she is with her 4th or 5th bf now. And she isn't that gorgeous either , she's financially poor and very poorly educated in foreign languages. Any guy in her same condition wouldn't even have the chance to get a date.


The moral is , girls can get a bf if they wish for unless if they are being so choosy or voluntary not seeking.

As for getting a very specific type of guy you want, that's a different story.


How the hell does that girl do that? like wtf



The_Face_of_Boo
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21 Jul 2014, 4:09 pm

Who was that LePetitPrince?