How exactly do you tell that a girl is interested in you?

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Monsoon77
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09 May 2009, 4:36 am

2nd question: What do you do after you know she likes you?

I have never had a relationship but i have been very close many times. I always talk to a girl i like and hang out with them in groups with other people but i cant ever tell if they "like me". Later her friends/my friends tell me that so and so likes me but i do now know what to do or i dont know if they are telling me the truth. Once i know they do like me i get stuck in this weird limbo where i dont know what to do and the girl eventually loses interest or i guess they think i dont like them.

What are some tell tale signs that the girl i have a crush on likes me? What do you do once you know they like you back?

I would appreciate some help because im ready to take the next step and have a real relationship with someone. I cant stand always being one step away from possible love (the one feeling/emotion that i have never experienced).



alex
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11 May 2009, 5:21 am

I assume every girl I talk to is interested in me.



CrinklyCrustacean
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11 May 2009, 6:49 am

It depends on the girl. There are certain things (playing with their hair, exposing their wrists) which girls can do to show they like you but I've never seen anyone do either of those. However, one girl constantly invaded my personal space, to the point where I kept walking into her, plus she had an unnaturally enthusiastic desire to chat to me from the moment we met (she asked for my contact details, and all I'd done was ask where somebody was). It wasn't even subtle clues, but blatant forwardness, and sure enough I was asked out a few weeks later. Sadly I had to turn her down but we are friends now. The interesting thing is this girl is almost certainly an aspie.



Learning2Survive
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11 May 2009, 7:20 am

signs she likes you:

puts her hands on your shoulder, or arm, give you a nudge
invites you to lunch or to a movie
leans in closer to you when you sit nearby and talk
sits close to you when it is normal for people to sit farther


honestly though, I doubt many girls like me and I don't think I can sustain a girl's interest. again, as aspies we can't read the girl's mind, which creates a lot of unnecessary stress - does she like me? am I fooling myself? is she getting bored? the performance anxiety makes us more introverted and less laid back - a major turn off.


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Cyberman
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11 May 2009, 9:47 am

alex wrote:
I assume every girl I talk to is interested in me.

I assume the opposite. It's the most accurate estimate, and leaves minimal disappointment.



alex
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11 May 2009, 10:09 am

Cyberman wrote:
alex wrote:
I assume every girl I talk to is interested in me.

I assume the opposite. It's the most accurate estimate, and leaves minimal disappointment.


ah an example of expectation dictating outcome. Seriously dude, girls are highly socially aware. She will unconsciously pick up on the fact that you assume she doesn't like you and conclude that it must be true. In contrast, I assume all girls love me so a girl will unconsciously be aware of my belief and consequently like me. This may sound counter intuitive to you but girls rely heavily on what others are feeling in order to determine what they are feeling. This all occurs subconsciously.



ToadOfSteel
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11 May 2009, 10:34 am

alex wrote:
Cyberman wrote:
alex wrote:
I assume every girl I talk to is interested in me.

I assume the opposite. It's the most accurate estimate, and leaves minimal disappointment.


ah an example of expectation dictating outcome. Seriously dude, girls are highly socially aware. She will unconsciously pick up on the fact that you assume she doesn't like you and conclude that it must be true. In contrast, I assume all girls love me so a girl will unconsciously be aware of my belief and consequently like me. This may sound counter intuitive to you but girls rely heavily on what others are feeling in order to determine what they are feeling. This all occurs subconsciously.


I'm with cyberman on this... Almost every time a girl has displayed "interest" in me, it was with some self-serving purpose in mind and not genuine interest... not to mention that to assume everyone likes you is akin to narcissism...



EnigmaticPhilosophy
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11 May 2009, 10:40 am

alex wrote:
girls are highly socially aware

...But they aren't psychic.


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alex
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11 May 2009, 10:41 am

Oh my bad. I totally thought Monsoon77 wanted advice on how to succeed with girls, not the other way around.



MDD123
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11 May 2009, 1:42 pm

There are little things you can pick up on, if her friends bring her up in conversation more, it could be an indication, or not. One way I've used to find out for myself is by insinuating interest. I'll ask if she wants to hang out with me and some friends (or do someting that doesn't imply romantic interest). Sooner or later you'll know whether or not she likes you, but I can promise you that the less hasty you are to find out, the more likely it'll work.

Whatever you do, don't get negative or start feeling like a failure or hating women, this is supposed to be a positive expereince.



Cyberman
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11 May 2009, 1:55 pm

MDD123 wrote:
this is supposed to be a positive expereince.
Yeah, "supposed" to be... :roll:



Fudo
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11 May 2009, 2:06 pm

i had a lady show interest in me today.. she was a nurse &was strictly professional but i sensed a level of interest.. unfortunately most likely she wasn't romantically interested at all but that's more of an educated guess than something i "felt" or intuitively picked up on..
anyways, apparently she said of me after about 30mins, has "Fudo" got Aspergers? i've never seen her before & she suspected very quickly, whereas my psychiatrist is as oblivious as me engaged in small-talk.. wth? :(
rant over.. i'm not sure how exactly you can tell if a girl is interested, i have heard ladies have a tendency to "touch" themselves when aroused.. Erm like on their neck or arms etc, not in the rude way.. ;) lol but this is probably a generalisation & i know nothing.



ducasse
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11 May 2009, 2:08 pm

alex wrote:
I assume every girl I talk to is interested in me.


I always start from this assumption & become rapidly confused.

Also,
CrinklyCrustacean wrote:
exposing their wrists

is a sign of interest?

What does that even mean?



MDD123
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11 May 2009, 2:12 pm

Nurses are trained to be more personable than the general population, trust me, I'm in school for nursing myself. I have this social worker who's the same way, I do whatever I can get away with (not much) and just enjoy the time I get to spend with her.



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11 May 2009, 2:19 pm

interestingly i assumed with certainty she was interested.. & although mine was not a dating situation, i'm inclined to agree with alex that expectation can have a strong effect.. also why not assume everyone is interested in you? it's a bit ignorant perhaps but a positive way to look at things, after all, i think we all think that we are interesting and worth speaking to etc.. so why not "go with it" ?
but who knows..