pseudo rejected

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There's this girl that works at the library that I've been bumping into a lot recently and have had a few good conversations with, etc. So, after talking with her for like a half hour today, I tell her that I'm kind of hungry and am going to the U to get something to eat and ask her if she wants to come along. The expression on her face kind of changes from all smilely/goofy to deer in the headlights as I ask her, and she says she can't come b/c she's got karate (which she actually does, 'cause my brother goes to the same karate place at her and they're training right now). I don't really know if I've been rejected or not, as I rarely ever ask girls out since it's almost always been the other way around. I just know that you can totally skip those sorts of things (karate practices, that is), and I figure that she would've if she were attracted to me. A lot of the signs of attraction were there (she almost always initiated the conversations, always smilely and crap for no reason around me, finding excuses to talk to me, etc). Perhaps I'm mistaking friendliness for attraction. Whatever, I'll probably never bump into her again since I'm graduating this weekend.

It's a good thing I didn't really know this girl or have a real crush \on her, because this would've destroyed my weekend. I figure I need to build up a strong tolerance to rejection if I'm going to find some chick, so this was a good learning experience on what not to do (I'm trying to figuring exactly what exactly this was in my situation, but I'm certain it's there).

How do you know if you CAN ask them to go out?

no idea. i thought everything was there this time, but i guess i was wrong.

ah f**k, i guess i know what i should've done to test the waters. i didn't actually hit on her, I just had a bunch of friendly kind of goofy conversations with her. so the deer in the headlights look was due to me sort of randomly turning the table on our entire social dynamic up to that point.

f**k, i need to go to bars and parties way more so I can work on this. i really wish she didn't actually have karate this evening, so i could know for sure that this was a rejection.

yeah, seems to me like you skipped some chapters of "the game" :/

"normals" are very picky about the game being played by the rules :/

haha, you are totally right. i read part of that over the winter break, and figured the general message was just to carry yourself in a non-asperger's fashion, be spontaneous, fun, and don't be a p****. it's more subtle than that, unfortunately.

I don't drink, but I guess I should go to bars. But you know, on NPR an aspie said that aspies should NOT go to bars or dances because they will just flop on their ass. Go figure.

I don't really know how it would go for me, as I've never really gone to a bar with the intention of meeting girls (I usually just go to hang out with friend and get drunk). I'm not that bad with complete strangers, and my small talking has improved tremendously in the last 6 months. I just wish I had more opportunities to learn to tread water with girls. I'm almost positive it's due to my living situation. My family is pretty poor and never had the money for me to live on campus without getting a full time job (which I can't get because I have to spend most of my day studying to do well in my major) to pay for it, so I've lived at home for the past four years. It's kind of a miracle I'm graduating from college next week given how poor my family is, but it's also extremely depressing how I missed the biggest opportunity to meet like minded girls in my life.

I missed the opportunity in college too. But I only became more or less acceptable in the company of people in the past year or so. I doubt all those super cool NT girls who are good "people people" would give me the time of day.

So she apparently took the time to search for me and add me on facebook. If you were to really reject a dude, would you do that? Given that her excuse regarding the first thing was genuine, should I ask her to go get some coffee or something? I mean, most of the signals were there yesterday. Time is ticking and I probably won't run into her again after this week since I'm graduating. I feel like I've gotta either decide to do something or not do something.

Perhaps she seemed distressed because she actually wanted to go to lunch with you but didn't want to blow off her prior engangment at the same time. It sounds like it's certainly worth another shot. You've got far more to gain by giving it another go than you could possibly have to lose by trying.

[b]

how are you supposed to know how to play the game if you dont know what the rules are?
they seem to defy logic.

I pretty much agree with you. So, how should I go about doing this? I think the safe/smart thing to do would be to ask her if she wants to get some coffee sometime this week. Should I do this via facebook or just run into her again by chance (not very likely) at the library. My intuition is that these sorts of things should be done in person, but if the odds of running into her again at the library are kind of low, should I just do it via facebook?

I feel so weird doing this with a person I've only had a few conversations with, but what the hell, they were fun and good conversations. From my past behavior, I don't think I made my intentions totally ambiguous.

alright, just asked her to go out for some coffee via facebook. f*****g lol, this is not my style to do things via internets, but whatever. i literally have nothing to lose when the school is so huge. wish me luck, lol.

Good luck.

No response yet. Big f*****g surprise. I shouldn't be upset, but I am, because this means I literally have no idea what I'm doing and I'm nearly 23 god damn years old.