Did we ever really even have a chance?

Page 1 of 1 [ 14 posts ] 

HAL_9000
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 16 Nov 2008
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 250

29 Jan 2009, 3:13 pm

Serious question here. Why would any woman be interested in a man on the Autistic spectrum. if there's like plenty of 'average' people around that don't have half the baggage as said Autistic person? Let say I trained myself as best I could in social skills, ditched trying to be nice to everyone and tried to be more assertive.

There's still sensory issues, people issues and all the other stuff that goes with it. It's still not exactly an attractive proposition for a woman. It's as though you get hit with the 'excluded from society' stick at a young age and then you're stuck with it for good. I think you can definitely learn some social skills, but you can't make Autism\AS disappear by magic.

Being on my own because I've chose that option myself is okay. But it's quite another when it feels like everyone has one up on you. I try to be a hermit these days, because I'm too bitter and twisted to even want to fit in with other people now.

I see things saying that people with AS can have proper relationships\friendships. They've either come to that conclusion by question females only, or they're full of s**t. Women don't have to do anything for relationships. Maybe that's why I start to hate them more each day.

This turned into more of a bitter rant than I had intended, but yeah. At the moment I can at least kid myself into thinking that I don't have interaction with people 'cause I choose not to, instead of it being down to the fact that I'm just not able to do it.



mitharatowen
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Oct 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,675
Location: Arizona

29 Jan 2009, 3:16 pm

I would want a guy on the autistic spectrum because he might have a better chance of understanding me and why I do certain things/can't do certain things and how I communicate. I would also aprecieate the level of directness and honestness that is common to those on the spectrum.

Granted, not all men on the spectrum will communicate like I do and not all of them are honest like I am.

But I might have a better chance with one of them...



bonez
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 13 Dec 2008
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 250
Location: Maryland

29 Jan 2009, 3:20 pm

mitharatowen wrote:
I would want a guy on the autistic spectrum because he might have a better chance of understanding me and why I do certain things/can't do certain things and how I communicate. I would also aprecieate the level of directness and honestness that is common to those on the spectrum.

Granted, not all men on the spectrum will communicate like I do and not all of them are honest like I am.

But I might have a better chance with one of them...
yeah but theres so many more male aspies than females ones....



deadeyexx
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Sep 2007
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 758

29 Jan 2009, 3:26 pm

Dude, there's no such thing as a proper or improper relationship. As long as it's legal & all parties involved benefit from it. People band together for a large variety of reasons. So what if aspies can't recipriocate the emotional need for companionship to the level NTs can. Doesn't mean we're no good. We still have plenty to offer.



JohnHopkins
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Nov 2007
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,463

29 Jan 2009, 4:17 pm

Everyone has baggage. Ours is just more obvious.



t0
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Mar 2008
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 726
Location: The 4 Corners of the 4th Dimension

29 Jan 2009, 4:17 pm

HAL_9000 wrote:
Serious question here. Why would any woman be interested in a man on the Autistic spectrum. if there's like plenty of 'average' people around that don't have half the baggage as said Autistic person?


Lots of NTs have baggage. Part of the relationship hunting is finding someone with baggage that you can handle.

Quote:
Women don't have to do anything for relationships.


Go post that on the Women's Forum. [sarcasm] I'm sure they'll agree with you. [/sarcasm]



Cyberman
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Apr 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,736
Location: hibernating

29 Jan 2009, 4:24 pm

Relationships are not for everyone. I have a feeling that a lot of us are simply not equipped for relationships, but that doesn't mean we're "inferior," just different. We have our own strengths, so don't think that just because "normal" people are in relationships and you aren't means that they have a "one-up" on you. They may laugh at us because we're "losers" in their social-brainwashed minds, but the truth is that most of them are insecure or unhappy in their own relationships, which is why 99.9999% of them end in break-up or divorce. When I think of all the "drama" that they unwittingly put themselves through, I find it hard to envy them. So enjoy the freedom you have to be yourself and the fact you're not in some stupid soap opera. :wink:



billsmithglendale
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Dec 2008
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,223

29 Jan 2009, 7:12 pm

Cyberman wrote:
Relationships are not for everyone. I have a feeling that a lot of us are simply not equipped for relationships, but that doesn't mean we're "inferior," just different. We have our own strengths, so don't think that just because "normal" people are in relationships and you aren't means that they have a "one-up" on you. They may laugh at us because we're "losers" in their social-brainwashed minds, but the truth is that most of them are insecure or unhappy in their own relationships, which is why 99.9999% of them end in break-up or divorce. When I think of all the "drama" that they unwittingly put themselves through, I find it hard to envy them. So enjoy the freedom you have to be yourself and the fact you're not in some stupid soap opera. :wink:


I love your avatar. Where is that from? It's John Lithgow, right?



j5689
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 22 Dec 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 304
Location: Riva, MD

29 Jan 2009, 8:31 pm

Cyberman wrote:
Relationships are not for everyone. I have a feeling that a lot of us are simply not equipped for relationships, but that doesn't mean we're "inferior," just different. We have our own strengths, so don't think that just because "normal" people are in relationships and you aren't means that they have a "one-up" on you. They may laugh at us because we're "losers" in their social-brainwashed minds, but the truth is that most of them are insecure or unhappy in their own relationships, which is why 99.9999% of them end in break-up or divorce. When I think of all the "drama" that they unwittingly put themselves through, I find it hard to envy them. So enjoy the freedom you have to be yourself and the fact you're not in some stupid soap opera. :wink:
Although a lot of us may not be equipped for it, most of us still want one. It just doesn't seem fair to us when we can't have a relationship, since it appears as a given to everyone and we feel deprived of it. It's probably a little bit of standard-issue instinct too that makes us want it.



Cyberman
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Apr 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,736
Location: hibernating

29 Jan 2009, 9:22 pm

j5689 wrote:
Although a lot of us may not be equipped for it, most of us still want one. It just doesn't seem fair to us when we can't have a relationship, since it appears as a given to everyone and we feel deprived of it.

That's not a good attitude to have, though I understand because I have felt that way too. Don't think of it as "deprivation," because it isn't. No one needs a mate to be happy. You can be happy with yourself. You would have to do that anyway, because in order for someone else to love you, you must first love yourself.

billsmithglendale wrote:
I love your avatar. Where is that from? It's John Lithgow, right?

Actually, it's Michael Attwell in the British TV show Doctor Who.



sands
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 2 Dec 2007
Age: 57
Gender: Female
Posts: 275

30 Jan 2009, 3:07 am

I think when it comes to feeling love for another person our hearts overrule our minds. And when we get our hearts involved then there's the incentive to work things out. I've always been completely honest about my feelings for someone that is on the spectrum. I care a great deal about him and I'm NT (if there is such a person.) He has every symptom associated with aspergers that I know of except sensitivity to noise, but I still think he's the most awesome person I have ever met. I'd rather spend a few hours with him than any other person and yes, this includes all the NT males I know!!


_________________
Cassandra Lou

What's normal anyway?


TheMaverick
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 30 Oct 2008
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 163

30 Jan 2009, 4:19 am

mitharatowen wrote:
I would want a guy on the autistic spectrum because he might have a better chance of understanding me and why I do certain things/can't do certain things and how I communicate. I would also aprecieate the level of directness and honestness that is common to those on the spectrum.

Granted, not all men on the spectrum will communicate like I do and not all of them are honest like I am.

But I might have a better chance with one of them...


so the question that now begs to be asked: Are we all doomed to be with other aspies? Do we have a chance of success with NT women?



Heartcooksbrain
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 22 Jan 2009
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 344

30 Jan 2009, 4:23 am

To my knowledge every woman I've been with is "NT", except one who I have recently been thinking about, she could possibly be AS or something not so "normal". Realize not every woman is going to be understanding as another, simply put they may not be right for you. But I assure you there are women out there that are understanding and tolerable.. The trick here is finding them and getting to know eachother.



matrixluver
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 19 Oct 2008
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 163

30 Jan 2009, 8:35 pm

that we're the only ones with baggage. Our baggage is just different baggage. Of course it would be hard for a hardcore NT with no social problems to find anything in common with an Aspie. But not everyone is hardcore NT. there are NT's who are considered introverted and weird, and there are lots of aspies who do want and need relationships. It's always better to find people who are more like you.
FYI my husband has strong traits of AS just like I do. In fact his empathy can be a bit lacking at times. But having AS myself, I realize that there's a difference between being deliberately hateful and missing cues or lacking the appropriate skill. I tend to use social stories with him and whether he's full blown AS or just has some symptoms, they do work. For example, if you complain about the way I cook and I know you can cook, then I guess you'll be cooking because it hurts my feelings and I feel like you are a grown man. So at least now when he comments on my cooking he prefaces it with something like, "I know you worked really hard on this and I'm sure you like it, but it's not to my taste. Do you mind if I skip it? "