Do women really understand guys as much as they think?

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I've just gotta ask this because I've been asking more and more if nice guys aren't being canned less for evolutionary reasons and more because women have a narrow interpretation of a guys psyche and that anything outside that interpretation sends up red flags - we at least admit that we can't understand women and try to work at it, why doesn't it work like that the other way arround? Not trying to start a debate here, I'm just curious to see what will turn up.

I don't think I understand guys at all alot of the time.. but sometimes it turns out that I am understand and not realising it so.. No I don't think I understand guys as much as I think I do Actually I'll admit I don't understand them just as easily as men would admit they don't understand women.

My view on men is not that theyre hard to understand...theyre just awfully indecisive.

Mine understands me so well, it's really quite amazing when you think about it.

Good points. A useful-sounding book on the issue I have not read entitled What Men Know That Women Don't: How to Love Women Without Losing Your Soul adresses the issue. It is by Rick Zubaty. If you look it up at amazon, there are a whole slew of other related books. I'm not sure if they (including this one) are insightful or hideously biased, but they seem to engender extreme reviews on either side of the fence.

That said I generally don't believe that there is an enormous chasm between the sexes and mostly tendencies and individual variation. There is, however, a quality of character that "nice guys" have that most women can instinctively see through, and are inexorably repelled by. However, guys have this too. Haven't you ever felt compassion for a lonely and miserable friend, but felt no desire to make his problems your own? Well, now imagine that you're a woman and a guy like this is trying to hit on you!

To change requires internal effort, valuing the self and knowing the self. And it requires that you lose your fear of women. Flirting and generating attraction in them is built around a series of contradictory rules that don't make logical sense. You should also give yourself standards and come to realize that most (not all) women aren't going to be worth your time and attention.

What is the secret to understanding women? I say there is none.

I've never had any problem understanding guys. Most of my friends since toddlerhood have been male. I have always had a score of guys to date and always had someone if I wanted to be in a relationship. My guy friends joke and say I am the prettiest "guy" they know because I have very tomboyish tendencies myself.
Women on the other hand make no sense to me. I'm bisexual and I have had relationships with both, but I can't deal with how hot and cold women run, how much they read into things and how jealous and inseucre they seem to be about EVERY thing. (these were NT women, I've never dated an aspie)

I think another problem is that even if theres more than enough nice guys out there who aren't morbid like that but are more on that edge of intelligent where sex is kinda on the back burner compared to other things, maybe they really wanna personality shop rather than do the Beavis & Butthead "Uhhhhuhuhuhuhh...she's hot....I wanna do her...", it almost seems like any interpretation of personality outside of the norm gets chopped off to fit that mold and then whats left is way out sync with reality. Mind you, I know plenty of dudes who'll flip out and call women all kinds of nasty things when they think they got rejected and when she really just wanted to be analytical - that can happen to more often enough than I suppose. Who knows, I guess maybe this thread could be served better by changing the title to "relationship-world myopia".

Your right though in that it really varies from person to person but to be honest, just because a guy's being nice and playing layed back doesn't mean he's chomping at the bit to get in her pants and just doesn't have the guts or self-assurance that the next guys does. To be honest there are more than enough guys who aren't, only trouble is you won't know your seeing em too often because.....well....culturally it's not really a cool thing to admit about yourself.

Yeah, I know just what you mean by this. Our culture and mass media do a disservice to men and women alike by distorting our views on gender relations and sort of defining people by their gender in a one-dimensional way (men as hungry for sex, football and food, and women as either nurturer's/supporters of the heroic male or, well, sexbots). I've found that when you get to know people on a personal level, the reality is so much different than this and I see people more as individuals than as representatives of a particular gender, race, etc. My fiance and I understand each other very well because we're so much alike as individuals, and misunderstandings are almost always the result of miscommunication

The only trouble is, the way our culture is built, its really a matter of luck in terms of wether you can meet someone who wants to just take things as they are (who knows how to for that matter) just because being straightforeward in that sense seems to be seen as reproachable enough to where it really has to happen on its own without a person trying. Definitely nice to hear that you have that going for yourselves though - mad props and good luck

no, no they don't. Nobody understands each other. The way our society is setup, it seems as if we are put into specific gender roles that may not completley fit the personality of a person, but we have to try and fit these molds anyway it seems to get a date. Women are socialized to lay back and be submissive and get hit on. Men are socialized to be the aggressor and hit on the women. IT dosn't always work that way for everybody, especially for aspie guys. And when your a "nice guy" who dosn't display any of these traits of being a sex hungry aggressor, that sets off alot of red flags. Either your not respected or they look at your behaviour as if you have alterior motives in mind. Oh well. It is purely by luck that you do find the right person.

Okay, I'm gonna be blunt. I think it's passing the buck to take the relationship problems of nice guys such as yourself and decide they must be caused by some inherent flaw in women's understanding of the world. It's one of those feel good answers that doesn't have a lot of substance behind it. I suppose if there's any reason women don't seem to work at understanding men, it's because so many men have been taught to be desperate for sex that women can afford to pick and choose. Maybe if guys didn't let their insecurity make themselves so vulnerable, they wouldn't have such a problem. Obsessing creates as much trouble as it solves, sometimes.

Of course, maybe if women didn't let their insecurity over their appearance make them so vulnerable, just as many problems would be solved. Insecurity just manifests in slightly different ways.

Sadly Amazon.com doesn't have enough of Thagomizer's book posted to get to any of the really controversial bits. But I've got to say, if the author thinks men ought to take back the world, fine, I'll fight him for it. See if that satisfies his male ego without parcelling me into one of his boxes.

I don't know if I understand women or men better. I have more male friends and co-workers than female, but not by much. At least at work, there's a noticeable difference between men's attitude and women's, but I just adapt myself to either one without a particular preference. So yeah, I work at it. I thought most people on the spectrum had to, regardless of the gender they were dealing with.

To answer your question: No.

(Slightly Longer Answer): I believe it is impossible to truly understand another person's soul. Period. No matter what gender or neurological state they have.

Actually, I believe that men are very decisive, and that women are very indecisive. They never know what they want. Men do know what they want though.

First: WOMEN CAN FEEL JUST AS CONFUSED AND UTTERLY ALIENTATED AND GENERALLY REJECTED AND COMPLETEY UNDESIRABLE AS MEN.

(as there seems to be some lack of understanding on this)

And I don't understand men OR women. I understand myself somewhat and know that I am completely abnormal. I just don't understand people, period. although i understand men a bit more than women, I think, in all honesty- BECAUSE MEN WILL COME AND AND SAY WHAT IS ON THEIR FREAKING MINDS!! ! I'm not calling guys "simple" but it is DEFINITELY easier to understand what someone is feeling when they say "I feel great!" "Man, am I pissed," or "I'm kind of depressed" then when they say "I'm fine" while smiling, neutral, frowning, and crying like a faucet.

who says nice guys are starved for sex? Some guys really are nice and in this society, that kindness is usually taken for weakness.

Yeah, I definitely have to agree that guys like that are kinda what cause the problem and the inequity to begin with - hadn't really thought about it that way in a while but that's probably the biggest component of it. Problem is it's not even being a 'nice guy' as much as a self-respecting guy who wants to talk to a woman on a non-sexual level first before even thinking about that, wanting to be eye to eye and on level, and then who just about wants to gag when he goes to work and sees 10 college backstreet boys crowded arround and drooling all over a new waitress because she's halfway attractive - some people have no problem walking all over themselves and by numbers they really set the precident. Sad but all too true. The thing that sucks is a person can only control their own behavior, that is unless they wanna go chin-checking everyone who's style doesn't agree with theirs - not a particularely viable solution .