how to get her number??? i need your help

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Toucan
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01 Apr 2009, 3:15 am

you must wait till she gets to know you better, if you ask too soon it will seem awkward and just go downhill from there.



Bataar
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01 Apr 2009, 3:47 am

BPalmer wrote:
Bataar wrote:
... Ask if she has email. Don't ask for her address, but just ask if she has it. After all, who doesn't have email

I thought the younger generation were using MyFace and Spacebook, rather than actual email these days? :?
I'm pretty sure you'd still need an email address to create one of those accounts.



Tom
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01 Apr 2009, 12:50 pm

Let me give you a trick I came up with -

Don't say "Can I Have your number" or "Will you give your your number"

That makes her feel like your "taking" something from her, begging for something.

Say "can we swap numbers".."could we swap details and stay in touch"

That makes her feel like you are both equals - not like you are trying to "get something from her", or that she is doing you a favour.



TheMaverick
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22 Apr 2009, 7:03 am

status update:
well, i got her number. we were out with mutual friends at a club and after consuming a state altering quantuty of liquid courage, i handed my phone to her and said"what's your number". I must say, that while this got me what i wanted, it may not have been the best way. She promptly entered her number into my phone but did not look too happy aboutit. Im afraid i may have been placed in the aqaintance catergory, which i guess is better than the friends only catergory. A text msg i sent her was ignored the following day when i asked her if she would be joining the group on another outing.
Any suggestions, guys? What are the magic words that will win me a date from here? I like her and I dont want to stuff this up.



b9
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22 Apr 2009, 7:59 am

Quote:
how to get her number??? i need your help


i do not know why you need her number, but if you are doing detective work, then a way to get it is this:
pretend you lost your phone and hide it somewhere nearby. ask if you can use the suspects phone to call your phone so you can locate it.
their phone number will be stored in your "incoming calls" register.

but if you want their number for a "romantic" reason, then it is better to let them give it to you rather than to trick it out of them.
if a girl likes someone, she will not lose track of that person, and if she likes you, you do not need her number, because she will always know where you are when she is ready.
that is my way of thinking anyway.



ZEGH8578
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22 Apr 2009, 9:28 am

JohnHopkins wrote:
Maverick, let me ask you a question: WHY does rejection scare you? What actually happens? Nothing. You get turned down, that's it. You move on. That's the way I looked at it. Once you stop fearing rejection your dating game will improve immediately.


^^^

true.
rejection is scary, and it freaks me out as well, but when oportunity lands, you are simply left with only one choise:
act.
not act.

acting yields a 50/50 positive result.
not acting a 100& negative result.

and the best way to ask for a phone number, is to just ask. people NEED to stop believing movies. a girl wont slap you, kick you in the balls, pepper-spray you, or call the police, for asking her about her phone number.
in fact, if your nervous while asking, you may even get some shyness charm-points in "the book".


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22 Apr 2009, 2:56 pm

TheMaverick wrote:
Ok guys, i need some advice. there is this girl that i really like. i want to get to know her, take her out etc.
i know her through a mate. i see her everycouple of weeks or so at the club.

so, what would be the best way to get her number? ive added her on facebook. would it be appropriate to pm her and ask?



First, remember that rejection should not bother you, thre is actually good in it, if you're willing to see the bigger picture and not beat yourself over the head over it... the sooner it happens, the less time you will of invested in cultivating a relationship that will not get where you want to brign it... If she rejects you right from the beginning, you know right away where you're at in this situation and can take this experience and use it in your next attempt with he next woman you approach in this manner.

It will not matter what you think about your self, if you're not good enough or whatever.... we are our own worse critic.... You project confidence, taht is what will be seen...

I percieve that you want to engage a romantic relationship with this gal, right? Then getting her phone number is just a means in reaching this goal...

Do not talk to her all the time, do not reply to her if she is talking to you throught facebook right away also.... this sends signs that you are clingy and/or needy.... From experience, this sort of thing is a big turnoff... you want her to see you as boyfriend material, not like a friend... You have to catch her interest in this and maintain this interest....

I did not have much problems getting girls phone numbers and stuff liek that, what I had difficulties was maintaining these relationships because being an Autie, it complicated things, mostly with communications and to a lesser extent, some eccentric behaviors....

Anyways, next time you see her in the club.... something I find that works at a good rate of success... take note of three things, comment about one of them.... if youy and her have a dialog going on, mention someting, also something you like about her (smells nice, pretty eyes, hair is different..) especially if it is a little thing that usually will not be noticed....

Talk to her for a few minutes, not that long though.... you want to let her know you are interested but do not come off clingy.... talk for ~ 3 to 5 minutes, then let her know you need to get going, or go back to waht you're doing ( say; "nice talkingto you, well, i am going back to my friends over there or ").... This would get her interested in you a bit more... if she is interested enough she may approach you within ~30 minutes if you're somewhere else in the club, let her know you're leaving soon but would like to meet up somewhere next week or so but would like to get her phone number to set a time / place...

If not, next time you see her in a few weeks, you then can approach her again, and have some sort of communication between both of you sert up from your previous encounter, and possible message exchanges through facebook... just get chatting and stuff.... let her know you find her to be interesting, you would like to get to know her a bit better but you feel like this (in the club) is not a good place to talk...



Raikai
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22 Apr 2009, 3:11 pm

Tom wrote:
Let me give you a trick I came up with -

Don't say "Can I Have your number" or "Will you give your your number"

That makes her feel like your "taking" something from her, begging for something.

Say "can we swap numbers".."could we swap details and stay in touch"

That makes her feel like you are both equals - not like you are trying to "get something from her", or that she is doing you a favour.


Damn. I hate being psychoanalysed! ;) But that is a very good point.



billsmithglendale
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22 Apr 2009, 3:52 pm

The whole "I need to get her number" thing sounds like you are trying to convince her to like you. The occasions where I got a chick's number, it was usually volunteered by her or the conversation was steered by her in such a way that it was very easy to ask for, because it was desired by her that I did. The chemistry was there -- me asking for it was a formality, if I even had to ask. Half the time, she was giving it to me.

Basically, when numbers are exchanged in a way that is going to end up successful, usually it is the result of both people wanting that to happen. If a girl seems reticent or ambivalent about giving you her number (worse yet, reluctant), move on -- she's not interested. It's hard when you really find someone attractive to face the fact that she might not feel the same way, but that's life, and if you meet enough people, you'll meet someone you really like who will give you the number because she wants to.



TheMaverick
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22 Apr 2009, 4:37 pm

billsmithglendale wrote:
The whole "I need to get her number" thing sounds like you are trying to convince her to like you. The occasions where I got a chick's number, it was usually volunteered by her or the conversation was steered by her in such a way that it was very easy to ask for, because it was desired by her that I did. The chemistry was there -- me asking for it was a formality, if I even had to ask. Half the time, she was giving it to me.

Basically, when numbers are exchanged in a way that is going to end up successful, usually it is the result of both people wanting that to happen. If a girl seems reticent or ambivalent about giving you her number (worse yet, reluctant), move on -- she's not interested. It's hard when you really find someone attractive to face the fact that she might not feel the same way, but that's life, and if you meet enough people, you'll meet someone you really like who will give you the number because she wants to.


that situation simply doesnt present itself. i meet few women and even less who want to talk to me for 5 minutes. and of those none want to give me their number. either that, or i just cannot tell if they like me



billsmithglendale
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22 Apr 2009, 4:54 pm

TheMaverick wrote:
billsmithglendale wrote:
The whole "I need to get her number" thing sounds like you are trying to convince her to like you. The occasions where I got a chick's number, it was usually volunteered by her or the conversation was steered by her in such a way that it was very easy to ask for, because it was desired by her that I did. The chemistry was there -- me asking for it was a formality, if I even had to ask. Half the time, she was giving it to me.

Basically, when numbers are exchanged in a way that is going to end up successful, usually it is the result of both people wanting that to happen. If a girl seems reticent or ambivalent about giving you her number (worse yet, reluctant), move on -- she's not interested. It's hard when you really find someone attractive to face the fact that she might not feel the same way, but that's life, and if you meet enough people, you'll meet someone you really like who will give you the number because she wants to.


that situation simply doesnt present itself. i meet few women and even less who want to talk to me for 5 minutes. and of those none want to give me their number. either that, or i just cannot tell if they like me


Then that's the real issue, not getting her number.

I've gone the other way and forced the number issue, or even had the number voluntarily from someone who just wanted me as a friend or associate, and you can't push their interest your way. At the younger ages, women have a lot of choice, and it's they who will choose whether a relationship happens.

Work more on figuring out why women don't want to talk for more than 5 minutes with you. And maybe you're being too hard on yourself, it could be you had some opportunities and didn't realize it. How Aspie are you? I'm only slightly Aspie (or so I think), so I am able to pick up on some nuances.