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redvelvet
Deinonychus
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03 Jan 2006, 10:00 am

What are the differences between an Aspergic courtship and Two Nts.
I am an NT mother who has an Aspergic daughter just getting her feet wet with courting an Aspergic young man. So what are the differences between two NTs and two people with Aspergers courting? :oops:



danlo
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03 Jan 2006, 11:42 am

Good question. I don't think anyone really knows an answer to that question. Serissa and Thagomizer might be able to give you some ideas or insights, since they're both Aspies and they're dating each other.



chamoisee
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03 Jan 2006, 3:35 pm

I don't know, because being aspie, I've only been able to observe NT+NT courtships. I have no idea what they're like from the inside.

My mate and I are both aspie, and I have noticed a lot of differences between him and NT men.

*He was much more honest and straightforward than an NT would be (in my experience). He told me beforehand of everypossible reason why getting together with him miight not be a good idea. Interestingly enough, the fact that he did this rather than just letting me "find out later" meant that I compromised on things that I might not have otherwise, because I had time to think and consider it all before we got in too deep. (Our courtship was largely over the net and phone for the first few months).

*He was more obsessive than any NT I've ever run across. If an NT guy had acted the way that he did, I would have been creeped out and would have fled. As it was, I had to face the fact that I'm just as obsessive, and now I knew how all the poor NT guys I had been obsessive over must have felt... :lol:

*He was a lot more sensitive to any signs of rejection. Again, now I had an idea of how I must've looked to NT's.... I guess when you go your whole life feeling like a reject, you do become very fragile and hyper-sensitive....

*At first, we stimmed a lot more than usual- with both vocal stims as well as the rocking, hand flapping, etc. It was such a delight to be able to be oneself for a change that we might have overdone it from an onlooker's point of view.

*A lot of times, it isn't necessary to say anything. Silence is just as pleasant as yakking. Or, we might both talk at length of some subject that others woudl find boring.

*He's also been a lot more romantic and sweeter than any NT I've yet encountered.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Were there specifics that you were wondering or concerned about?



redvelvet
Deinonychus
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03 Jan 2006, 4:28 pm

I noticed the honesty, that really threw me, I have also been told to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, as anything else just confuses them. Daughter did a bit more stimming(plucks eyebrows.) while they were together in the house. They miss eachother terribly. :cry:
he lives just over a hundred miles away. Yet he got on four trains to see her, he hates public transport.

They spend everyevening talking on MSN.

Anymore info would be great. thanks.



Mockingbird
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03 Jan 2006, 5:00 pm

a question-when you speak of courtship do you mean the "I kissed dating goodbye" christian courtship or do you just use it as another word for dating?



redvelvet
Deinonychus
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03 Jan 2006, 5:57 pm

Claire has been brought up with christian standards, so I am talking about talking, hugging, holding hands, I don't think they got to the kissing part yet. But I don't mean one night stands.
There both quite serious about eachother.



danlo
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04 Jan 2006, 8:40 pm

chamoisee wrote:
*He was much more honest and straightforward than an NT would be (in my experience). He told me beforehand of everypossible reason why getting together with him miight not be a good idea. Interestingly enough, the fact that he did this rather than just letting me "find out later" meant that I compromised on things that I might not have otherwise, because I had time to think and consider it all before we got in too deep. (Our courtship was largely over the net and phone for the first few months).

You know, I tried that once, letting them know that meeting them would cause problems for me and that causes me to have no interest in talking to them. I didn't go deep into detail, but we met, and I stopped talking to them, and they got upset about it. I'm just dumbfounded because I don't know why they're angry. As far as I'm concerned, I did everything right, and nothing more I could've done.