pseudo rejected

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No response yet. Big f*****g surprise. I shouldn't be upset, but I am, because this means I literally have no idea what I'm doing and I'm nearly 23 god damn years old.

you can't know if she dislikes you unless you try. and it is UP TO HER to like you or not. don't fall into the trap of thinking that if you just had the right moves or knew what you were doing, that you could get her to like you. nopedy-nope. IT IS UP TO HER.

OK, then the amount of girls that have actually been attracted to me, I can count on a few fingers. From the way I see things, I agree with you to some extent, but so much of this crap is based on social prowess, which I like to think is something that can be learned like anything else in life.

Basically, I'm not going to just let my genetics walk all over me like this. It is definitely up to the girl, but at the same time, I have a ton of social skills that I can work on to tilt the scale in my favor. If I just let my "real self" shine through, they'd get sick of me fast as hell, because all I like to think about are serious things related to cognitive science and politics. Nobody wants to hear about that s**t when they're trying to have fun. Within this context, I think I just took things too fast and didn't even make it look like I was interested in her romantically, so when I asked her out out of the blue, it made her feel uncomfortable and set off some alarms. Whatever, I screwed up this time, and I'm ready to fail another 50 times with different girls. By the 10th rejection, I won't care, and I'll have a wealth of knowledge relative to what I have now.

ahhh f**k, she's implying that her friend is going to be coming along. this is worse than her actually not replying. i really am in the zone when interacting with people, especially girls, one on one. when things move towards a group setting, i completely blow it and turn into an awkward turtle.

Consider it a learning experience and don't worry too much. Excess anxiety will probably mess you up more than anything.

I'm inclined to think that her decision to bring a friend indicates that she wants to send the message that this is not a date and she only wants to be friends with you. In any case, it would probably be ill-advised to try to send any signals of your romantic aspirations in this scenario, what with the third wheel involved and all. Try to have a good time, keep an upbeat attitude. By all means, be nice to her friend. Who knows, she may just be bringing her along to get a second opinion on whether she should give dating you a shot.

Edit: Come to think of it, if you have a male friend that could tag along it would sort of balance out the situation for you. It may make conversation easier for you as well.

Edit 2: On the other hand, she may be trying to set you up with her friend. She may have understood your romantic intent, thought you were a nice guy, but wasn't interested herself. So she decided to try to set you up with her friend instead.

Last edited by Jay-Say on 03 May 2009, 9:36 am, edited 1 time in total.

aspies tend to rush things which scares women off.

Calm down. She said yes, she's bringing someone to make it less awkward for her. Maybe she's nervous about going with someone new and just wants support. Just say hello to the friend but focus on the girl. Don't read too much into anything, just have the coffee, be nice to both of them and try your best. Be honest about yourself and if you feel nervous, just tell her.

Man, I would definitely bring my one single friend, but he is in a completely different socioeconomic class (e.g. he never went to college, is obviously not pursuing a career in research like this girl and I are, and the way he makes a living is foolishly frowned upon by a lot of people) than this girl and her friend, and they might experience culture shock being the entitled white college girls that they are. On top of that, he's admittedly a way more attractive dude than I am, and I've seen him bag girls way out of my league like nothing at college parties. He might actually be just the person to bring along. You seem quite a bit more insightful regarding these matters than I am, so any input would be appreciated.

Here's the transcript:

May 2 at 12:17pm
me: hey wanna get some coffee at z sometime during the afternoon or evening this week? let me know...


Today at 12:10am
her: hmmmm will you be around on friday night? my friend x and i were gonna hang out then cause i'll be done with finals
ps you need some facebook pics lol



...
What's the point of even responding with that, lol. It would've been way easier and nicer to just not reply at all if she doesn't want to go on a date with me. I thought ignoring messages was the polite NT thing to do. I mean, what the hell, why would a somewhat random dude ask you this sort of question if they didn't intend for it to be a date.

I think what might be a good idea to say to her is that I have a final on Saturday morning (which I do) that I really need to study for (which I don't), and that Friday night is a bad time because I'll be cramming like hell. If she's actually interested, she'll find another time (with or without her friend).

I could always do the polite NT thing and not respond to her at all.

The point to responding is that she IS interested in having coffee with you. That is a good response you got. Don't blow her off with silence. It sounds like she already planned to hang out with her friend on Friday and that's her first free night and she wants to include you. If she was not interested, she would have said she was busy.

That is a GOOD sign. She also add a little flirt with you about the facebook photos. Probably means she wants to see more pics of you.

Just respond and set up a time.

I think you've got a chance with her. She's probably interested but is a bit anxious about you moving a bit to fast. So, she'll bring her friend to slow you down a bit and get a change to decide if she wants to go out with you or not in the future. If your friend is very social and relaxed it's a good idea to take him with you. He can pick up the conversation and get the focus off you if you get stressed. Remember to be nice to her friend .

If you think that your buddy might be off putting in some way then it's probably best to go it solo.

I'd hate to lead you astray, I'm certainly not a dating expert. Butterflair may be calling this one correctly.

However, the mention of the friend coming along, followed by the comment about you not having any pictures posted, to me, says that she would have liked to have had a photo of you to show her friend when she told her about you. I'm just getting the "set you up with my friend" vibe from this.

Either way, I don't think you should call it off. The only way to find out is to show up and see how it goes. I just think you should be aware of the possibility that she is bringing her friend for that reason.

Just try to relax and don't think about it too much. The more thinking you do, the more nervous you will get and you will end up not going through with it. Like you said before, if it doesn't work out it will at least be a learning experience. You can't get better at it if you don't try. Be positive.

I agree with you on some points.

If she brings a friend along, it could mean:

*She's is shy and/or nervous about going somewhere alone with you.
*She's not a big talker, and wants somebody to come along to help keep conversation going.
*She has some sort of intimacy or other issues.
*She wants to hang out with you, but isn't interested in being more than friends with you.
*She is unsure about you right now, and wants her friend to come along just in case.
*She's trying to set you up with her friend, although this is very unlikely.
*She's trying to fit you in after she already made plans with her friend (this would be good). This one seems like a good possibility in your situation.

There is nothing wrong with bringing her friend/s along every once in awhile, but if she has her friend/s come along everywhere you go, then I wouldn't waste my time on her, because it will always be like this. I know from this experience.

I ended up shooting her a private message via fbook telling her to call my cell (obviously included my number in the message) sometime to setup a time to meet. She hasn't called yet, but calling a few hours after receiving the message would seem kinda desperate and she seems to be aware of these things. Thanks, guys. I'll keep y'all posted.

i think if you continue trying to contact her you might scare her off. try waiting 1-3 days for her to reply.

Yeah, don't go out of your zone; trust me...you will regret it.

I went, at the urging of my co-worker, to a Christmas party one year, at a local bowling alley. Hung around for about 30 minutes.

My perception before going was "it's just gonna be a bunch of people getting drunk and acting stupid".

My perception was right; I won a poker set, though....however I don't play poker. So I sent it to my friend as a Christmas present. And btw, he and I aren't friends anymore; god what a waste that was...