Random tips for Guys and Girls thread in getting a GF/BF

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Thought I would make a thread for general tips.

Of course these don't apply to everyone, but there may be someone here who finds it useful. If not, well it doesn't matter.

A good way for a girl to tell if a guy is desperate is whether he makes a fuss over girls in the workplace. I used to work at a place with 5 girls and 100 guys. There was this one guy who some of the girls said can act creepy. Here is why:

Talks to them on MSN instead of real life
Makes a huge effort to hone in and get to know girls by adding every female to msn and doesn't bother getting to know the other guys as fast
Similar to above - has only or mostly female friends.
Acts like a lapdog to girls, like nilescrane said in another topic - some guy randomly made a girl cookies. We all know what a lap dog is so just use the analogy.

Girls also need to be aware that not every guy is trying to have sex with you, he may just being friendly.

These are my opinion and based on obervations I've made by talking to people and watching them. Would be cool if other people added more to this thread too. Perhaps I will learn something.

You know why playboys get so many women? Because they aren't lapdogs, but they don't give orders either. One extreme is as bad as another, and playboys are neither. If you don't let her get to know you on her terms, then it won't work. Let her call the shots, and by that I mean if she wants you to decide, then do it. Surely most of us here don't force our friends to do things they don't want to do.

Last edited by Mindslave on 29 Nov 2010, 11:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yes I must admit women and girls love attention when a guy comes along and pays her some, but if you go into lapdog boundary it can be seen as week.

I guess its hard to tell though how not to be creepy for some guys. Not staring is a good way to start.

The best way to not be creepy is to not decide you like her before you even know her. Unfortunately, you have 5 minutes for a first impression, and thats usually all she wrote if a guy bombs it. If you don't like that, imagine meeting a date's mom or dad for 5 minutes and being freaked out, then going back a second time.

Thats the problem here. A lot of guys on here (I won't name names) expect to become close friends with a girl first.

Yeah you might go on a bunch of dates with 50 people you've got nothing in common with. But there might be one which you do have stuff in common with.

Thats how playboys do it. They ask a huge quantity of women until they find one they like.

This might give a wakeup call to the guys who want to become close friends with someone before they date them.

How many friends do aspies usually have throughout their life? Not many (unless you're some kind of super aspie)
How many Close friends? A hell of a lot less
How many are girls in a dateable range? Varies
How many of these girls will likely date you? Very few.

That leaves you how many options? And we all know some playboys get rejected 20 times before someone shows interest. You don't just get rejected once and rainbows and daisies for the second person (Unless you're lucky) its unrealistic to expect it.

What if you find someone you're attracted to, and all you can do is be the best person you can be (which I always do), and a relationship doesn't materialize? Should we necessarily assume it's our fault?

maybe, but mostly you should just move on and stop thinking about it

That's one thing I've never mentioned on here...that Aspie men tend to obsess over one particular girl, usually one that they aren't dating, may not even know at all, and get hung up on the idea of her as opposed to who she really is. I've noticed it a lot on this board...and I myself used to do this all the time up until a couple years ago.

I'd see a woman at a restaurant, be too afraid to talk to her, then go home for weeks on end and think about going in there and talking to her. Or I would talk to a woman, get rejected, then dwell on it for weeks. Or I'd find some woman on myspace or something, likely a girl I knew in the past, and build her up in my head to be some fantasy girl when I didn't even know her or liked what I knew of her.

I'm not much for the dating-guru, PUA stuff, but they call it "one-it-is" or being obsessed with one particular woman that doesn't feel the same way.

Not only is it not healthy, it's counter-productive because instead of obsessing over one woman that doesn't like you and you may or may not like if you knew the real her, you should be talking to many women.

Well, my own tips here...


1)Don't be a crybaby. It turns people off even more and If I saw you, I would most definitely either throw a huge chunk of cheese at ya or spray you down with cheese-whiz (and I have done both, so don't you go thinking that I wouldn't do it.

2)Treat them like ordinary people, don't put them on a pedestal and make them out to be god. Everyone has their good and bad points, everyone is human, so treat them as such.

3)Nothing wrong being a guy with many female friends (In Real Life), They can actually prove to be a valuable source of information. Women with guy friends have the same advantage.

4)Toughen the hell up, ties in with number 1. If you get rejected, move the f*** on. If you end up in jail for stalking and rape because you just cannot? Well you absolutely f****** deserve the horrors that prison will put you through.

Thanks for this. I might elaborate by saying that "would you like to have coffee sometime?" or "I'd like to get to know you better" does NOT mean "I want to f*ck you and discard you like a used condom" and should not be treated as such.

I'm not kidding, more than once I've approached women in the most sincere, respectful way and been completely blindsided by the viciousness of the response...

It's a numbers game. The more women you know as friends the more likely you will find one who wants more or your female friends may know someone that is right for you.

You will never learn to be good at basketball unless you go out and play with other people. Practice, practice. Women are no different. People can tell you how to drive a car all day, but until you do, you will never learn, and the first time around you will be pretty bad.

But then people have a problem when I don't even look at them, ever... I go to great lengths to avoid such staring (as I had a problem with it in the past), and now people think i'm even more creepy because I avoid all eye contact. Seriously, why is eye contact considered so important while staring is to be avoided? The eyes are the most overwhelming part of another person to look at, and I don't understand how NT's value it so much...

How am I supposed to get to know a woman then? If i'm meeting a woman under the pretext of dating, I end up having to construct an image of her fairly quickly in my mind (which, as others on this thread have said, is often inaccurate). I shouldn't have to apologize for being a lot slower at getting to know people, and more importantly, getting to love and trust them. And yet, the way you word it, NT society expects one to be completely in love with another person in the first 5 minutes or it's not happening.


Having many female friends is fine, but I for one cannot split my devotions in such a manner. Also, talking to many women that I don't know well, I eventually lose track of who is who...

I can't move the f**k on though... Sure, I can move on from the particular person in question (avoiding the stalking issues you bring up), so if that's what you were talking about I can understand where you're coming from, but I can't move on from the fact that I failed. Every time, something happens and I just screw it up. How is the world's biggest screwup (at least in the world of dating) supposed to succeed?

And then there's people that just can't do it no matter how hard they try or how long they keep on attempting. I don't think Verne Troyer could successfully play basketball, no matter how hard he practices, nor could a paraplegic drive.

actually... i agree (except for the part about prison ).

i also think that rejection is something every human being needs to get used to. rejection for love, rejection for jobs, etc. i had to apply for hundreds of teaching jobs before i got my first one. i also had to get rejected by a lot of guys before i found even one that would give me a chance. if you are not strong enough to handle rejection, then fix that problem with therapy, meds, a support system, whatever works. but don't expect the rejection to stop - even marriages are not necessarily forever. you need to make yourself tough enough to handle rejection.

you need to increase your odds by getting to know lots of women. that often means going outside of your comfort zone and possibly doing more activities in real life. but this can also help a person to build confidence and social skills, so the advantages can potentially outweigh the discomfort. it's possible to meet someone online, but eventually the rubber hits the road and in-person activities are required.

one of my sisters met her boyfriend online, but they didn't hook up until after they had socialized with a big offline group of singles for several months. online dating was just a springboard for meeting up (and yes, my sister and her boyfriend were friends first).

I wish i could be able to do this... but I see a rejection at love or a job or anything like that as a rejection of my very character. If someone says "I can't do this today, maybe some other time?" (and isn't just saying that as some kind of white lie), that's understandable. People have their own lives, I understand that. And in most cases, if it's important enough, I'm willing to see what I can do to come to some compromise about the situation. But when someone says "I don't want to be with you" or "We can't use you in this position", they're effectively saying I'm not good enough.

And you people wonder why I'm so down on myself all the time...