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Sgnat
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07 Oct 2018, 6:47 am

so essentially I started hanging out with this girl my bf is friends with from uni. He knows I have no friends, so introduced me to her because we share an interest in reptiles and weird pets. She has no idea I'm on the spectrum. I don't remember the context (and wasn't really listening) but she said something about how she asked her brother "I wonder what it's like to be on the spectrum" and he was joking like "idk you tell me" essentially using autism as an insult. I was deeply offended and shocked but didn't say anything. I kind of brushed it off and forgot about it. Recently we hung out again and we were joking about how dopey my salamander is. She proceeds to say how they are "autistic" and the "down syndromes of amphibians" or something. Again I felt shocked and disgusted but said nothing. I understand these comments come from a place of extreme ignorance and immaturity, but do you think it's dramatic to just... Never speak to her again? It is dissapointing because like I said I have no friends besides my bf and besides her dumbassness she seems like a decent friend. On the other hand I think making fun of any disability is absolutely sickening. Sorry this is super long and probably dumb but I hope atleast someone takes the time to read and offer their opinion



serpentari
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07 Oct 2018, 9:17 am

making jokes of it is really not worst thing to be done. especially that she didnt know ur identity, and didnt think u could be insulted (though i really dont see an insult in first case. second one is crapmpled, cant gauge much). are u sure u are not overeacting? seriously, i make a lot of autistic jokes myself. about myself. and i encourage it in my friends. makes it somewhat easier to deal with, that way.
why dont u tell her that such jokes do rub u wrong? how would she know that, if u never say it? we au's are hard to read for NTs. and then, are u sure she is not one herself? (thus, first dialogue being her joke from the start)? might she be trying to gauge ur standing on this in such a way?


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Summer_Twilight
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07 Oct 2018, 1:52 pm

serpentari wrote:
making jokes of it is really not worst thing to be done. especially that she didnt know ur identity, and didnt think u could be insulted (though i really dont see an insult in first case. second one is crapmpled, cant gauge much). are u sure u are not overeacting? seriously, i make a lot of autistic jokes myself. about myself. and i encourage it in my friends. makes it somewhat easier to deal with, that way.
why dont u tell her that such jokes do rub u wrong? how would she know that, if u never say it? we au's are hard to read for NTs. and then, are u sure she is not one herself? (thus, first dialogue being her joke from the start)? might she be trying to gauge ur standing on this in such a way?


Years ago, I made a joke on youtube based on Jeff Foxx Worthy based on his "You might be a redneck if" which was "You might be an aspie." People online got so mad at me for that because they didn't know me or the fact that I am indeed an "Aspie."



superaliengirl
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07 Oct 2018, 3:47 pm

That's rude. I once met someone who called a person he knew "autistic" clearly as an insult but what I did then was I told him "i'm on the spectrum actually" and that certainly shut him up lol! I just wouldn't bother staying friends with someone who use autism as an insult and I also wouldn't hide the fact that I have it because I know some people have prejudices and the risk is smaller I have to deal with those people if they know i'm on the spectrum because then they'll hopefully stay away from me. It would be different if a friend knew I was on the spectrum or both of us were and we would joke about autism together.



Sgnat
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07 Oct 2018, 10:41 pm

serpentari wrote:
making jokes of it is really not worst thing to be done. especially that she didnt know ur identity, and didnt think u could be insulted (though i really dont see an insult in first case. second one is crapmpled, cant gauge much). are u sure u are not overeacting? seriously, i make a lot of autistic jokes myself. about myself. and i encourage it in my friends. makes it somewhat easier to deal with, that way.
why dont u tell her that such jokes do rub u wrong? how would she know that, if u never say it? we au's are hard to read for NTs. and then, are u sure she is not one herself? (thus, first dialogue being her joke from the start)? might she be trying to gauge ur standing on this in such a way?
she's definitely not on the spectrum herself and she was clearly using it in a way that insults autistic people, implying that they are incredibly dumb and useless. It was different to how someone on the spectrum may make a light-hearted, self-deprecating joke.



Sgnat
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07 Oct 2018, 10:47 pm

superaliengirl wrote:
That's rude. I once met someone who called a person he knew "autistic" clearly as an insult but what I did then was I told him "i'm on the spectrum actually" and that certainly shut him up lol! I just wouldn't bother staying friends with someone who use autism as an insult and I also wouldn't hide the fact that I have it because I know some people have prejudices and the risk is smaller I have to deal with those people if they know i'm on the spectrum because then they'll hopefully stay away from me. It would be different if a friend knew I was on the spectrum or both of us were and we would joke about autism together.

Yeah I don't care to be friends with someone who doesn't respect those with disability. I'm tempted to message her about it but I don't want to make things awkward (I seriously hate confrontation) and especially don't want to make things awkward for my bf who is her friend.



serpentari
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08 Oct 2018, 12:32 am

many people do those jokes))) and not just us. i know somebody, who would call himself (every derogatory word referring to his state). because its not an insult when u say it urself. the same way all people with non-"white" skin would call themselves or their same-color peers (okay i wont type it just in case, but its a derogatory word referring to their skin color). when somebody calls me "socially unacceptable jerk", i take it. i use it. i make it a motto, one of many. so next time somebody wants to say something like that, they dont get a space to pipe in)
PLUS, using that in a joke-thats-not-really-a-joke (aka every joke has a small portion of joke in it), is just another protective shell. make it funny. stupid people will laugh. smart people will think. its easier to project, in a form of joke. sometimes, very rude joke. queen of cant-explain-herself-in-less-than-20000words? still me.because taking it serious is just a literal killer.
-u are walking like 90-yearrs-old parkinson
rude, yes? only, that its a form of congratulating me with walking at all. after not being able to. background changing the whole sense. so do try and not presume that the person u mentioned is allistic. presuming is a bad idea, generally)


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superaliengirl
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08 Oct 2018, 9:05 am

Quote:
Yeah I don't care to be friends with someone who doesn't respect those with disability. I'm tempted to message her about it but I don't want to make things awkward (I seriously hate confrontation) and especially don't want to make things awkward for my bf who is her friend.


That's understandable, I also hate confrontation. But I wonder why your boyfriend accepts it? Why he's friends with someone who uses the disability his girlfriend has as an insult without confronting this friend of his about that?

Anyway if you tell her i'd recommend doing it in person and in a lighthearted way, especially if she already has prejudices about it being worse than what it is. If that changes how she sees you and she gets rude or anything your boyfriend should take your side and it should be her it gets awkward for.

Wish you luck, no one should have to be insulted like this. I hate when people have these prejudices.



Prometheus18
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09 Oct 2018, 2:49 pm

A friend of mine, who is himself diagnosed with Asperger's (though he denies he has it) does the same thing. He thinks Asperger's is a mild form of Down's Syndrome. Never bothered me; I actually find it quite amusing.



sly279
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09 Oct 2018, 6:13 pm

I had a friend who would use autistic as insult for being stupid, they were basically told saying ret*d is wrong so now they use autistic
It’s not funny
Point it out this way would it be ok to say man you’re so Hispanic or wo that’s totally African American, no that’s racist. I don’t think using autistic as an insult is ok either. Autistics are stupid they aren’t morons etc. people shouldn’t mock disabilities anymore then they’d mock races or cultures.



RetroGamer87
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09 Oct 2018, 8:03 pm

Cue the euphemism treadmill. If the use of autistic becomes too commonplace, doctors will invent a new term to replace autistic and then that term will be used as an insult, then doctors will invent a new term which will be turned into an insult. The cycle never ends.


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Miyuna
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09 Oct 2018, 9:23 pm

I have a friend that I like, but she uses "autistic" as an insult a lot as well. At these times, I'm not sure to respond. She has no idea I'm on the spectrum and she wouldn't suspect it. I can't really say anything about it because we joke about some pretty morbid stuff. I kinda know she's joking and I just try not to take it too seriously.



naturalplastic
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13 Oct 2018, 6:01 am

I would probably buttonhole her, and then calmly explain to her to "either be an as*hole, OR be an idiot. But don't be both at the same time. Pick one crime, or pick the other. Don't do both at the same time".

Then calmly ride roughshod over her while you explain to her the differences between ret*ds and autistics.

Explain to her that "if you're gonna be politically incorrect and use diagnostic labels as epithets, then at least get your insults right. Then explain to her that "ret*ds have intellectual deficits, while autistics have social deficits". So if you're talking about a dumb person and you call them a "ret*d" folks will think that you're an as*hole, but if you call the person an "autistic" then folks will think that you are not only as*hole, but the will ALSO think that you are...well...a "ret*d" yourself (on top of being an as*hole), because being autistic has nothing to do with intelligence.

And explain all of this calmly, and with a straight face, like you're an adult explaining something to a dim child.

And then you can go on to explain "if you HAVE to use the word 'autistic' in common banter like that then let me explain how to use in a way that doesn't make you look...ret*d."

Like if you're gonna talk about animals -and if you think that salamanders are more intellectually impaired than other amphibians then - then go ahead and call them "the ret*ds of the amphibian world", but not the "autistics".

But if the topic were bees: there are the better known social bees that live in hives, and then there are the lesser known species of bees that are solitary. So you could describe the solitary bees as being "the autistics of the bee world" and not look like an idiot.



Runo Misaki
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16 Oct 2018, 5:06 pm

I personally believe that using autistic as in insult is stupid, childish and rude because you're making fun of people with special needs just to sound cool and also because you're unable to come up another word to describe something that you don't like. That's stupidity right there. Calling something autistic is what edgy 12 year olds on the internet do for fun. It's really immature and simple-minded.



sorrowfairiewhisper
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16 Oct 2018, 5:10 pm

If she uses the term, as a derogatory jibe, then it's an "insult" to even consider her a "friend" and an "insult" to your supposed friendship.Friends don't do that and no one should really either.



rick42
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16 Oct 2018, 8:31 pm

People don't degrade their friends like that.Your"friend" is clearly a NT that doesn't like Aspies. This is what we see time and time again from NT's.They mock and bully people simply becasue they're different. Personally you shouldn't friends with her anymore and you honestly find other Aspies to be friends becasue a vast majority of NT's strongly dislike Aspies/Autistics and we have absolutely nothing in common with them whatsoever.