We as Aspies should stop trying to make friends/relationship

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I have work with several people(None of them are on the AS/ASD spectrum).I isolate myself from them and not talk to them unless I absolutely have to for job purposes, becasue I have absolutely nothing in common with any of my co workers.I overall I somewhat like my job,but i feel it be better if I don't have to talk to anyone at all, or if most or all of my co workers were on the AS/ASD spectrum.

Personally I've never tried to make friends or girlfriends, beyond a token amount, nor have I ever particularly wanted them. I suppose one's better off that way, but most people seem to struggle living alone.

Last edited by Prometheus18 on 28 Sep 2018, 5:31 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I guess every Aspie is different. Some don't like human companionship and some do. I'm the second one.

I have poor social skills and get just as awkward around people as any other Aspie does but I know that if I didn't have people in my life to share things with it would destroy me.

I think the exact opposite of you because I was shy until people started wanting to be my friend

I read many posts like this but then i post a request for friends or pen pals and no one ever responds.

Just read the first post, I'm starting to feel that way for myself as I'm getting older.
It's a bad feeling to realize but I'm coming to terms with it. Starting noticing it over the past year after dealing with a few deaths.

Even though I honestly only have about 4 friends, 1 I know from facebook through a ace group I've known for almost 8 years, the other 3 I've met in person but live in different states.

Relationships / close friendships aren't for me at all, and it's really not anything I'm doing "wrong" or the "people" I connect with. It's just that certain things aren't meant for people in my case. It sucks, but I'm trying to get "numb" towards it.

Yea, it's best to come to terms that friendships/close relationships/romantic relationships are simply impossible for some.I say you're relatively lucky that you have a few friends,even if they live in a different state than you.I can't even get to the point of a friendship with anyone despite of my efforts over the years(until a few months ago when I sopped trying)and accept the fact that no one in real life actually likes me, and realized that friendships or relationships of any kind are simply not for all people.

My problem with NTs is that their attention to me is unpredictable and I take loads of time to express myself (so it takes a while to talk and especially write). Sometimes I'm too tired to hang out, sometimes I miss them, but they're not there/don't write.
I think for us to actually like relationships, it would be best to have it all scheduled...

I don't try for boyfriends anymore because I find it hard to root out red flags with the opposite sex. I think because I had a bad relationship with my dad.

If the right woman came along (I'm bi) I would date her. But she'd have to be so much like me and a friend first that it was worth me investing my time.

I have a very few friends how I'd consider friends but to me, a 'friend' is like a partner you wouldn't go to bed with or kiss. I do have one - I met her in person and now she's my pen pal and we write letters to each other which are deep.

I have quite a few friendly acquaintances who like me and online friends the same. They don't really know me deep down but I'm not sure I need them to. As long as they're nice.

What I hate is that some of those people patronise me, especially offline because I look young.

I'm not really sure that adults have best friends. Mum does but she is very much into all that. And she puts up with a lot. Being aspie - I wouldn't put up with being ill-treated (except by my dad, it took 30 years to get rid of him but that's family).

(In case people are wondering, I'm butch so I don't think my different reactions to boyfriends versus girlfriends has to do with finding females easier to relate to. If anything, I find guys easier to get on with which is why most of my platonic friends are blokes)

And a lot of my friends are artistic types anyway, not saying they're aspie because that's couch diagnosis but they're not 'normal' conventional types.

Ohhh yes! Lately, I've felt the same way esp. with the world at large becoming increasingly crazier. I'm quick to reclaim my rational-side; that is there are many thoughtful, quality people (NTs and HFAs) who feel the same, and yearn to step out of their comfort zones to meet like-minded people!

Anyways, a novel exercise is in order. It's been found that creative-writing can yield beneficial results e.g., to "break the ice so to speak."

Enclosed is a LINK with further details; that is creative-writing exercises in describing sleep-dreams involving active social interaction.

Please use this discussion thread in describing sleep dreams LINK: 'Sleep Dreams W/ Social Interaction & Breaking The Ice?' viewtopic.php?t=375933

Wow! This thread brings back memories...

With this I totally agree.

We should seriously brainstorm what kinds of social realms we can create that will work for us, and how we can create them.

Yes! That sounds like a good kind of setting in which autistic and autistic-like people could make friends with each other.

Have you ever tried looking for people who share your niche interests and who deeply enjoy talking about those interests and/or participating in whatever activities those interests entail?

My friends have ALWAYS been people who shared one or more niche interests of mine. Having a shared niche interest is not, in and of itself, a sufficient basis for a friendship, but, for me, it's an essential starting point.

I have almost never attempted to make friends by pretending to be someone else. My strategy, instead, has always been to seek out fellow oddballs, the more similar to me, the better.


I too tend to be intensely private, and I too tend not to talk about myself very much during the initial stages of a potentially budding friendship.

As for how to avoid feeling that one is "boring": In my experience, one way to be seen as "interesting" by another person is to be perceived as an expert on a topic of deep mutual interest. This can be accomplished by researching a special interest in depth and then creating a helpful relevant public resource such as (in today's world) a blog or website. (Back in my younger days, before the Internet became popular, I created, for example, a newsletter and pen pal network for people with an interest in vampire lore, which was one of my main hobbies when I was in my teens.) If both I and another person are highly knowledgeable about different aspects of the same topic and we both enjoy talking about it, then it's easy to have lots of very interesting, mutually informative and enjoyable conversations.


I think that, instead of EITHER trying to "fit in with society" or giving up on friendship altogether, it might be better for autistic (and autistic-like) people to figure out how to fit in with EACH OTHER, so we can create a more genuinely supportive and mutually helpful subculture. I think it's much easier for us to learn to understand each other than to learn to understand NT's. Of course, autistic (and autistic-like) people are so varied that we aren't necessarily compatible as friends with other autistic (and autistic-like) people either, but, here in forums such as Wrong Planet, we can at least brainstorm about things like what we want in a friendship and how we can make friendships work.

Hmmm. That article is aimed at a particular category of people who are likely mistaken about their condition: so-called "Targeted Individuals." See Mind Games: The Tortured Lives of ‘Targeted Individuals’ (Laura Yan, Wired, March 4, 2018) and So you think you’ve been implanted against your will? (Amal Graafstra, July 2016).

Yes, Yes, I understand the discouragement regarding friendships!

I must say, I'm beginning to empathize with the thoughtful people who felt they were "spinning their wheels" to personally encourage friendships. Presently, I, and quite a few of us on this forum have that tiring feeling of........."spinning our wheels!"

I've gradually become better at reclaiming my rational-side; that is there are many thoughtful, quality people (NTs and HFAs) who feel the same, and yearn to step out of their comfort zones to meet like-minded people!

Developing, and maintaining friendships with NT people who have some understanding/experiences with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) is doable! Yet, ironically, we might naturally shy away from people (NTs and HFA alike) who have too much experience with the Autism Spectrum.

Please, please refrain from the notions of giving-up on the notions of friendships.

It is naturally asked, "how can NTs and HFAs develop friendships....despite such friendships seeming to happen only by "chance and accident?" Let's not be discouraged by the notions that quality people are hard to come by (and keep)!

I've found "novel exercises" necessary to "break the ice" so to speak. Even humor can be quite liberating!

For example, reconsidering sleep-dreams involving social interaction may yield astounding perspectives. One example I once dreamed is both indicative, and somewhat comical regarding potential real-life situations: I had mocked a silly joke that the joker in our group had preformed. I quickly received friendly sarcasm that asked, "do your jokes hurt your social life?" I sensed the joker in the group added to the friendly sarcasm!

The moral of this dream is that relating too much to one member of your group might also be a faux pas; even as bad as being too passive in a group setting!

See the insights that "novel ice breaking" exercises might yield??