Unwritten rules about getting drunk certain situations

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Summer_Twilight
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11 Sep 2019, 1:00 pm

Hi:
When I was 21, I lived with two roommates who were six and eight years older than I was and they both happened to be heavy drinkers. While the two were friends, they just took me for extra help in paying rent, bills and other chores and I never grew close to either.

The one time, the older of the two invited me to a dinner party that was Mardi Gras themed and there was alcohol flowing and I got drunk which my roommate and her several other did not approve of. Yet, they got drunk all the time and it was okay.
Nonetheless, here are the dynamics
1. My roommate, her friends and colleagues were older than them
2. I didn't know and of them and vice versa
3. I was invited but it was out of obligation

What were the unwritten rules here which caused them to condemn my drinking? I got drunk and loud because that's what I understood about the holiday.



kraftiekortie
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11 Sep 2019, 4:31 pm

There aren't any "rules."

They just wanted to stick it to you a little bit.

A "Mardi Gras themed" party, invariably, has drinking to get drunk as an essential component.



Summer_Twilight
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12 Sep 2019, 9:35 am

It was my roommate, who hosted the Mardi Gras party was the angriest with me and she drank and got drunk all the time. Why would she even humiliate me like that? However, she showed her anger in a passive-aggressive manner.

She did things like:

1. The morning after, I tried to talk to her but she said she was in a "Bad mood"
2. She was talking loud on the phone to someone on the phone by telling me that "I just wanted to kick her."
3. Wrote a note and in it she said
-I need you to clean the toilet which I refuse to clean and especially after someone vomits in it
-Also, don't eat the leftovers, they are for people in at work who didn't come to the party

Meanwhile, there were only a few of her guests who got annoyed at me for getting drunk
-Yeah we can hear you over here, calm down
-Knock it off
-You have had enough
-Maybe you should lie down

Now that I think about it, I remember that she and her boyfriend had some great friends who attended that party who I hit it off with. I actually forgot about them until now and they were very cool with me getting drunk and the like.



Joe90
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12 Sep 2019, 10:12 am

There aren't any rules. NTs who often drink themselves think that getting drunk is the most wonderful thing ever known to man, even if they're not getting drunk and you are, you are really great and really cool to them because you are drunk, no matter what social setting it is. They'll still clap their hands and laugh like babies at a puppet show.

So I'm just as baffled as you.


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beady
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12 Sep 2019, 10:30 am

Personally, I do think there are rules about getting drunk but you didn't break any of them in a way that your roommate thinks. Your roommate sounds like she was jealous of how much the others liked you and wanted to humilite you to show her disapproval of that.
Regarding drinking and getting drunk - do it in a safe place.
Don't get drunk at work related events no matter who else is doing it.
Don't let someone else encourage you to drink, only drink if you know you have a safe place to crash, a non-drinking buddy to give you a ride home, and only around people ( at least one) who cares about your welfare.



Moretto
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12 Sep 2019, 11:13 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
A "Mardi Gras themed" party, invariably, has drinking to get drunk as an essential component.


TRUTH!!


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Roboto
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12 Sep 2019, 11:48 am

You'll have to assess your own behaviors and tolerance to drinking and manage accordingly.
It's not the "getting drunk" that's an issue. It's the behavior one displays while drunk that is the issue.
Typical NT approach of being unable to address a real thing and instead latching on to the easy thing to attack.
It's hard to say "hey, you were really overbearing and loud when drunk last night and it annoyed me," and much easier to say "it's not okay to get drunk."



SaiDushoBob
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12 Sep 2019, 12:40 pm

When you have people round to your house, there is an unwritten rule that the hosts do not get drunker than each other, and should not be drunker than the median drunkard.
Sounds odd, but you have to weigh up how drunk everyone else is and adjust your intake accordingly.



Joe90
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12 Sep 2019, 1:28 pm

Well where I live the rules must be different then. Sadly being drunk is part of the culture I live in, and the more you drink, the more accepted you are by your peers, especially if you are young. I bet I'd have more friends than I do if I was into drinking.

But it seems that I am seen as an anomaly because I don't ever get drunk or drink at all. It's weird how a person who is a 0% drinker gets treated like they have an alcohol problem as much as an alcoholic does. That's how I'm made to feel anyway in this UK culture.


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Mona Pereth
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12 Sep 2019, 5:08 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Well where I live the rules must be different then. Sadly being drunk is part of the culture I live in, and the more you drink, the more accepted you are by your peers, especially if you are young. I bet I'd have more friends than I do if I was into drinking.

But it seems that I am seen as an anomaly because I don't ever get drunk or drink at all. It's weird how a person who is a 0% drinker gets treated like they have an alcohol problem as much as an alcoholic does. That's how I'm made to feel anyway in this UK culture.

Is that true of everyone in the UK? Are there not any little subcultures of people who don't drink, or who don't care whether someone drinks?

I don't drink at all myself. Here in the U.S.A. I have always felt alienated from the social mainstream for lots of reasons, but the alcohol issue has always been relatively minor insofar as it has been an issue at all. Most of my friends have been people who either don't drink at all or, if they do drink, have no problem with other people not drinking.


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12 Sep 2019, 5:28 pm

I think only certain religions don't drink here, like Muslims or Jehovah's witnesses. But it does seem that 99% of people I have ever come across do get drunk when they go out, or at least have been drunk before in their lives, even people who you'd least expect. The only thing that stops a Brit from getting drunk is religion or strict medical reasons. And then there's the people who want to get drunk but can't because they don't have the time or the money, or are designated drivers, but otherwise would get drunk. And then there's rare people like me who don't get drunk because they're a wimp.


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kjeezy0127
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12 Sep 2019, 5:33 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Hi:
When I was 21, I lived with two roommates who were six and eight years older than I was and they both happened to be heavy drinkers. While the two were friends, they just took me for extra help in paying rent, bills and other chores and I never grew close to either.

The one time, the older of the two invited me to a dinner party that was Mardi Gras themed and there was alcohol flowing and I got drunk which my roommate and her several other did not approve of. Yet, they got drunk all the time and it was okay.
Nonetheless, here are the dynamics
1. My roommate, her friends and colleagues were older than them
2. I didn't know and of them and vice versa
3. I was invited but it was out of obligation

What were the unwritten rules here which caused them to condemn my drinking? I got drunk and loud because that's what I understood about the holiday.


There are certain rules when it comes to getting drunk. Such as doing it in a safe place, watching over your drink to make sure no one puts anything in it, and making sure you don't drive under the influence. But you didn't break any of those rules on this occassion. Sounds like you got drunk at an drinking event and just had a good time. Maybe they thought you were being disrespectful when you were being loud?



Mona Pereth
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13 Sep 2019, 12:57 am

Joe90 wrote:
I think only certain religions don't drink here, like Muslims or Jehovah's witnesses. But it does seem that 99% of people I have ever come across do get drunk when they go out, or at least have been drunk before in their lives, even people who you'd least expect. The only thing that stops a Brit from getting drunk is religion or strict medical reasons. And then there's the people who want to get drunk but can't because they don't have the time or the money, or are designated drivers, but otherwise would get drunk. And then there's rare people like me who don't get drunk because they're a wimp.

"A wimp"? Or just sensible?

Aren't there any little subcultures around various artistic and/or intellectual interests and/or hobbies, fandoms, etc., where the people, even if they themselves drink, don't care whether other people drink?


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Summer_Twilight
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13 Sep 2019, 8:20 am

Actually Joe90, I got drunk that time because I was having a hard time fitting in with my roommates as they not only heavy drinkers but they older. I thought that if I got drunk at my roommate's party, I would be more accepted when the opposite happened.

My roommate, who hosted the party did not get drunk herself but she did such on several other occasions. However, she had an attitude with me prior to getting drunk

1. I never went to drinking parties in high school so jello shots were new to me. I thought they seemed like the coolest way to get drunk. Her response was "Where have you been?"
2. She would not let me answer the door when her first guests arrived because she wanted them to know that it was her house
3. When she taking pictures of people, she shut me out of group photos and only wanted her friends in and colleagues in them.



Joe90
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13 Sep 2019, 10:12 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Actually Joe90, I got drunk that time because I was having a hard time fitting in with my roommates as they not only heavy drinkers but they older. I thought that if I got drunk at my roommate's party, I would be more accepted when the opposite happened.

My roommate, who hosted the party did not get drunk herself but she did such on several other occasions. However, she had an attitude with me prior to getting drunk

1. I never went to drinking parties in high school so jello shots were new to me. I thought they seemed like the coolest way to get drunk. Her response was "Where have you been?"
2. She would not let me answer the door when her first guests arrived because she wanted them to know that it was her house
3. When she taking pictures of people, she shut me out of group photos and only wanted her friends in and colleagues in them.


I don't think your roommate is mad at you for being drunk. She's just being weird.


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