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cyberdad
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14 Jan 2020, 3:26 am

QFT wrote:
As far as Chinese woman is concerned, it doesn't make much of a difference either way since I only date White women (the officemate I talked about in this thread is White). But then again, I do want to make friends too, and as far as friends go I would welcome friends of all races.


Dude! you need to keep this race stuff to yourself. We are living in 2020 and you can't really say "I only date on type of race"

Secondly you are severely limiting yourself given your long checklist requirements....



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14 Jan 2020, 4:02 am

cyberdad wrote:
We are living in 2020


I would have preferred to be in the 90s anyway viewtopic.php?t=384097



kraftiekortie
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14 Jan 2020, 6:35 am

You couldn’t have these views in the 90s, either.

You have the right to date and marry who you want. But you ARE severely limiting yourself by sticking to white people.



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14 Jan 2020, 1:16 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
You couldn’t have these views in the 90s, either.


It all depends whom you talk to. My 3-rd ex (whom I dated in 2012-2014) had those views herself so having them was fine by default.

But, statistically speaking, back in the 90s having those views was less of a taboo than it is now. Yes it was still a taboo, but less so.

kraftiekortie wrote:
You have the right to date and marry who you want. But you ARE severely limiting yourself by sticking to white people.


How am I limitting myself if the majority of people in the US are White?

Or are you saying that other races have different dating preferences and so -- me being an aspie -- I have better chance of attracting other races?



Twilightprincess
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14 Jan 2020, 1:24 pm

Why do you only want to date white women? Have I missed this somewhere?

It’s not that there aren’t plenty of white women, but why limit yourself at all?

What if your ideal partner happens to be of another race?

Racial differences are quite minor.



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14 Jan 2020, 1:33 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
Why do you only want to date white women? Have I missed this somewhere?


I want my kids to look like me. I guess if I already had white kids I might have different perspective. But I want to have at least one white kid. But then again, as a Christian, I don't believe in devorce and re-marriage. So that would be the factor that would stop me from having colored kids after having the white kid.

As a separate point, the issue as to what to think of someone who dates a different race is controversial. By controversial I mean the simple fact that different people have different opinions on this -- right or wrong. So I don't want to attach my life to a controversy. Writing a school essay on how it is okay to date/marry other races is one thing. But signing on it with my whole life and social image is something completely different.



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14 Jan 2020, 3:02 pm

QFT wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
Why do you only want to date white women? Have I missed this somewhere?


I want my kids to look like me. I guess if I already had white kids I might have different perspective. But I want to have at least one white kid. But then again, as a Christian, I don't believe in devorce and re-marriage. So that would be the factor that would stop me from having colored kids after having the white kid.

As a separate point, the issue as to what to think of someone who dates a different race is controversial. By controversial I mean the simple fact that different people have different opinions on this -- right or wrong. So I don't want to attach my life to a controversy. Writing a school essay on how it is okay to date/marry other races is one thing. But signing on it with my whole life and social image is something completely different.


In this day and age, it’s not all that controversial. Most people don’t think twice about it.

My first boyfriend was black. It wasn’t that big of a deal.

Even if your kids are 100% white, they still might not look like you.



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14 Jan 2020, 3:17 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
In this day and age, it’s not all that controversial. Most people don’t think twice about it.My first boyfriend was black. It wasn’t that big of a deal.


I think I heard of situations where this caused a huge fight or even family split. I don't remember whom I heard it from, but I believe I heard of it within the last couple of years actually.

Could it be that you simply happened to live in the circles where they don't care? While others at other places would?

Twilightprincess wrote:
Even if your kids are 100% white, they still might not look like you.


Looking alike is a relative thing. So my standard is not to break the line that has been lasting for past several centuries. Did they all look alike? No. Were they all the same race? Yes. So I want to continue that line.

Perhaps part of it is that I was born in the Soviet Union and back then there were no blacks around. This had nothing to do with racism; instead it was what is called "iron border" which basically kept all foreigners out, regardless of their race. And since Russia didn't have history of slavery there were no native-born blacks either. So thats how it was mostly white.

In any case, given this historic context, to me the idea of a family was always about the one where we are all the same race and breaking that pattern feels weird. But to you it might be different since you were born and raised around all races.

But even then, if you ask yourself why didn't Americans all mix by now -- despite all races being available -- it seems like the answer is that they were "trying" to date their own kind. Well, yes, there are mulatos around which means that sometimes they do date other races. But, from statistical point of view, if they didn't mind it *at all* we would have all got mixed by now. So then it means that they do mind it somewhat, which is why I do as well.

I guess the answer to this might be that they minded it up until last decade or two, so now that they stopped minding it, they "will" become all mixed a century later. But then it goes back to what I talked about preserving the line. If you mix everything up you can't un-mix it, and doing something you can't undo feels bad in my book. If you could produce white kids and then have some mixed kids in addition to them then its not that bad; in this case your line is preserved. But if you don't have white kids to begin with, it would be something I would end up regretting at the end of my life if it were to happen.



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14 Jan 2020, 3:42 pm

QFT wrote:
Perhaps part of it is that I was born in the Soviet Union and back then there were no blacks around. This had nothing to do with racism; instead it was what is called "iron border" which basically kept all foreigners out, regardless of their race. And since Russia didn't have history of slavery there were no native-born blacks either. So thats how it was mostly white.


Russia might not have had black slaves, but slavery was still a thing. I know it's not the point of this conversation, but that really hurt to look at.



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14 Jan 2020, 4:04 pm

Fireblossom wrote:
QFT wrote:
Perhaps part of it is that I was born in the Soviet Union and back then there were no blacks around. This had nothing to do with racism; instead it was what is called "iron border" which basically kept all foreigners out, regardless of their race. And since Russia didn't have history of slavery there were no native-born blacks either. So thats how it was mostly white.


Russia might not have had black slaves, but slavery was still a thing. I know it's not the point of this conversation, but that really hurt to look at.


I thought they had serfs not slaves. I think there is a difference between the two.



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15 Jan 2020, 6:22 am

QFT wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
QFT wrote:
Perhaps part of it is that I was born in the Soviet Union and back then there were no blacks around. This had nothing to do with racism; instead it was what is called "iron border" which basically kept all foreigners out, regardless of their race. And since Russia didn't have history of slavery there were no native-born blacks either. So thats how it was mostly white.


Russia might not have had black slaves, but slavery was still a thing. I know it's not the point of this conversation, but that really hurt to look at.


I thought they had serfs not slaves. I think there is a difference between the two.


The difference is that you can only sell a serf along with the land, but other than that it seems very similiar. A horrible system in any case.



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15 Jan 2020, 7:38 am

Why care what others think?

If people have regressive attitudes about race, I’d take that as encouragement more than anything else...

“Race” is just about how much melanin you have in your skin (and some other minor differences) which is determined by your heredity and ancestral locale.



cyberdad
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15 Jan 2020, 7:48 am

QFT wrote:
Looking alike is a relative thing. So my standard is not to break the line that has been lasting for past several centuries. Did they all look alike? No. Were they all the same race? Yes. So I want to continue that line.

Perhaps part of it is that I was born in the Soviet Union and back then there were no blacks around. This had nothing to do with racism; instead it was what is called "iron border" which basically kept all foreigners out, regardless of their race. And since Russia didn't have history of slavery there were no native-born blacks either. So thats how it was mostly white.

In any case, given this historic context, to me the idea of a family was always about the one where we are all the same race and breaking that pattern feels weird. But to you it might be different since you were born and raised around all races.

But even then, if you ask yourself why didn't Americans all mix by now -- despite all races being available -- it seems like the answer is that they were "trying" to date their own kind. Well, yes, there are mulatos around which means that sometimes they do date other races. But, from statistical point of view, if they didn't mind it *at all* we would have all got mixed by now. So then it means that they do mind it somewhat, which is why I do as well.

I guess the answer to this might be that they minded it up until last decade or two, so now that they stopped minding it, they "will" become all mixed a century later. But then it goes back to what I talked about preserving the line. If you mix everything up you can't un-mix it, and doing something you can't undo feels bad in my book. If you could produce white kids and then have some mixed kids in addition to them then its not that bad; in this case your line is preserved. But if you don't have white kids to begin with, it would be something I would end up regretting at the end of my life if it were to happen.


I think you are entitled to your personal preferences, sounds like you have conditioned yourself but at the end of the day you need to be comfortable with your future partner. But keep these thoughts to yourself.

You need to understand, making your racial preferences known and publicly uttering your inner thoughts on race in public forums is really going to trigger people. It is offensive.

In reality if you were able to overcome your self-imposed restrictions there's an ocean of potential partners who likely would make you a great companion.



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15 Jan 2020, 7:50 am

Twilightprincess wrote:
“Race” is just about how much melanin you have on your skin which is determined by your locale.


Not quite. I remember one black girl back in the 90s whom I kept confusing for white. That was because she was smaller in size, pronounced words the way whites do, and was the smartest in class. So the fact that those things made me confuse her with white seem to suggest that blackness isn't just about melanin.

Before you call me racist, let me point out something else. I am not saying she is the only black who is smart -- I met other educated blacks. But no I didn't confuse those other blacks with whites. So I guess it's not only intelligence. There are other factors such as the way you talk the way you walk, etc. But, whatever it is, it's not just melanin.



Twilightprincess
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15 Jan 2020, 8:09 am

QFT wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
“Race” is just about how much melanin you have on your skin which is determined by your locale.


Not quite. I remember one black girl back in the 90s whom I kept confusing for white. That was because she was smaller in size, pronounced words the way whites do, and was the smartest in class. So the fact that those things made me confuse her with white seem to suggest that blackness isn't just about melanin.

Before you call me racist, let me point out something else. I am not saying she is the only black who is smart -- I met other educated blacks. But no I didn't confuse those other blacks with whites. So I guess it's not only intelligence. There are other factors such as the way you talk the way you walk, etc. But, whatever it is, it's not just melanin.


Those differences are cultural or sociological not biological. Reading a book on race from
a sociological perspective will give you a much better understanding of supposed racial differences. You probably also need to overcome some confirmation bias as well.

Your lack of education in this regard is contributing to your racist beliefs. The good news is that it’s a fixable problem.