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kraftiekortie
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17 Jul 2020, 8:38 pm

I don’t enjoy hanging out with more than 1 or 2 people at a time.

I am usually content conversing with people online.



cyberdad
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17 Jul 2020, 8:40 pm

That's 2 more than me



idntonkw
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18 Jul 2020, 3:45 am

Whale_Tuune wrote:
I don't have many close friends. I have one close friend, her friend who I am also friends with (but she's the link between us tbh), a few older church friends, a handful of distant childhood friends and a few online friends.

I still feel lonely a lot. Is this kind of loneliness part of the parcel with Autism? :T


That's a good amount actually. It's very good that you have a close friend, too. That's very important. I was told many AS people report a feeling of loneliness. Music and dance can help with the feeling actually - social swing dancing or social salsa dancing can alleviate the feeling at least while you are at the group dance. It does take a lot of time - the hobby of taking social dance classes.. I would advise to take notes on paper about what your family members do on a regular basis - take note of their little and big routines, so you can anticipate their routines and be part of family events. Send birthday cards and congratulate your family members on important events. Plan ahead of it. Make it a point to plan for the family's birthdays for the year ahead, every Sunday at noon for example. Take note of what your family members like, what they say they want you to do, and then plan on doing it and then put a check mark when you did it. Us aspies can get a lot of companionship from our families because they have known us for the longest time and we can get a mutual understanding without much communication.

Be very in tune and listen very carefully to recognize those days when you don't feel lonely. And make a point to continue doing what was preventing that feeling of loneliness.. so if it was a family dinner, or a social dance class, or an outdoor jog, or cooking at home and eating a health meal at home, or exercising - if that kept you feeling not lonely for several hours or several days, make it a point to stay in that routine and not fall out of it. Because once you fall into a bad routine that keeps you feeling bad, you can stay in it for many years and decades.

You may also have work friends. That will help a lot actually. Temple Grandin only had work friends actually, she enjoyed working together on project with other people.

Also, dating, marriage, and having a child can make you less lonely.

Pursuing a hobby can help. There are hobby forums that are very addictive. For example knitting.

Finally, feeling lonely and AS may go together like Arthritis and joint pain. You may just have it all through adulthood and into your older years.. but joining an AS support group can help a lot too.



Jakki
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18 Jul 2020, 11:40 am

Sometimes interacting with more than one person at a time can be very challenging for some Aspies nervous systems. When youR low on spoons , it can be hard to keep up.With many people at once given a single conversation.


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roccoslife
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19 Jul 2020, 10:47 am

Nope, not at the moment. I work alone and follow mainly solitary persuits so dont really have the opportunity to meet people often in the real world.

Tbh Ive never been that good at making or keeping friends, I had them as a kid and some of my teenage years. I usually only have the energy to keep up with one or two people at a time Ive found. It always seems to follow the pattern that when i make them I either neglect to talk to them enough and lose them or want to talk too much and forcing them away, never been good at finding the middle ground :roll: . It gets lonely for sure, and in the times I dont have any I kind of end up forgetting how to be social which adds to the problem. Im much better with women than with men too, which has led to a lot of my friends becoming partners instead, which i actually prefer, 2 birds with one stone and that.


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Lilinoe
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19 Jul 2020, 12:41 pm

@roccoslife, You described me quite well, except that I'm a female. I have figured out that ideally, I'd work in a place with a few collegues, and a partner would be nice. And a therapist maybe once a month or so, because there I can rant, ask second opinions or clarification to things that puzzle me without having the burden of reciprocity that necessarily comes with friendship.
Maybe some online pals on top of that, but I don't think that I really could manage anything resembling a "normal" social life. Don't have any relatives either. I've had a once per week social hobby for several years, partly because that is helpful in maintaining social skills.
I feel very lonely right now, but know that if I managed to befriend someone, I might well drop her when life gets busier. I'm a pretty lousy friend...partners are easier, because they simply demand their share of my attention. :lol:
I'm now trying to be my own best friend and provide myself at least the kindness that I'd expect to get from a friend.

I had some "friends" as a kid, but I never liked them much and they didn't like me back either. Basically, I hanged out with my friends mostly because otherwise adults would have start fussing and maybe forcing me to participate in things.
When I changed schools, they just stopped being a part of my life.



roccoslife
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19 Jul 2020, 1:26 pm

Lilinoe wrote:
@roccoslife, You described me quite well, except that I'm a female. I have figured out that ideally, I'd work in a place with a few collegues, and a partner would be nice. And a therapist maybe once a month or so, because there I can rant, ask second opinions or clarification to things that puzzle me without having the burden of reciprocity that necessarily comes with friendship.
Maybe some online pals on top of that, but I don't think that I really could manage anything resembling a "normal" social life. Don't have any relatives either. I've had a once per week social hobby for several years, partly because that is helpful in maintaining social skills.
I feel very lonely right now, but know that if I managed to befriend someone, I might well drop her when life gets busier. I'm a pretty lousy friend...partners are easier, because they simply demand their share of my attention. :lol:
I'm now trying to be my own best friend and provide myself at least the kindness that I'd expect to get from a friend.

I had some "friends" as a kid, but I never liked them much and they didn't like me back either. Basically, I hanged out with my friends mostly because otherwise adults would have start fussing and maybe forcing me to participate in things.
When I changed schools, they just stopped being a part of my life.


Online friends are cool, had a few over the years and they do keep you going, but its difficult to connect emotionally to someone you only know through a screen ive found, its almost like they dont feel real no matter how long you talk to them, and so you still feel lonely even after talking to them all day. Maybe thats just me though.

Just wish i could tap into the unlimited pool of energy social butterflies seem to possess, that allows them to manage a phonebook full of close friends as well as deal with career and homelife etc, just seems so exhausting lol.

I think over the years ive grown to value the company of my 2 dogs more than any other human tbh :D. They dont ask for anything other than love, food and the occasional trot in the park haha. Wish there were more humans in the world that loved unconditionally.


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You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits


asuraswe
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23 Jul 2020, 3:06 am

Personally, I know lots of people which I have to in my line of work but tbh; I have only 1 or maybe 2 real friends.


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Feyokien
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29 Jul 2020, 3:14 pm

Besides my wife, I have 1 (maybe 2) friends IRL. I still talk with one occasionally online and the other I haven't heard from in a while. We all met in college. We'll probably meet back up after COVID.


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asuraswe
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30 Jul 2020, 3:33 am

Sounds pretty much like me ☺️


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30 Jul 2020, 4:49 am

I used to have friends, but I lost interest and now I don't have any. Although I spend time with people under friendly circumstances if I'm forced.



funeralxempire
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31 Jul 2020, 9:11 pm

No, not really. I don't think a plug counts.


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Jakki
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31 Jul 2020, 9:47 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
No, not really. I don't think a plug counts.


"Counted my friends in , burnt out spark plugs , " jethro tull . :skull:


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Feyokien
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31 Jul 2020, 10:49 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I don’t enjoy hanging out with more than 1 or 2 people at a time.

I am usually content conversing with people online.


Me neither. I tend to fade into the background when more than two other participates are present and tracking conversations becomes taxing.


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xxZeromancerlovexx
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08 Aug 2020, 5:04 pm

Outside of my family, my stuffed animals and plushies are my friends. There’s really no one to be friends with where I live unless I want to be friends with...
1. Incels
2. Incels with autism
3. Severely disabled people
4. The Special Olympians

Those aren’t my kind of people. I don’t have access to my kind of people. I got told that I’m afraid to meet friends and it’s sad that my plushies and stuffed animals are my friends. It really hurt. I’m not afraid to meet friends. I just don’t do well with the four kinds people I listed.

Sorry for the rant.


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hobojungle
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08 Aug 2020, 5:17 pm

Whale_Tuune wrote:
I don't have many close friends. I have one close friend, her friend who I am also friends with (but she's the link between us tbh), a few older church friends, a handful of distant childhood friends and a few online friends.

I still feel lonely a lot. Is this kind of loneliness part of the parcel with Autism? :T


I don’t have friends, but I’ve had friends before. Sometimes I feel lonely, but usually it’s when I’m with other people. I’m one of those that craves solitude more.