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InuyashaLover4ever
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12 Jan 2022, 7:39 am

Hello, I'm a 22 female who can't get it together.
I've developed a massive case of misanthropy, yet its born out of bitterness and social rejection. I want to be like my friends who can instantly make conversations with complete strangers and even win them over! Me though? I get blank looks or even stares when I try (and I don't do much to warrant a weird reaction. Having a speech impediment doesn't improve things and is a major source of insecurity for me. I have 4 main people I go to for support, neither are my parents (Who I resent greatly). I cry at night thinking about what it could be like having charisma and making friends. Actually meeting people be a nice experience instead of anxiety-inducing or exhausting. I just want to a be a regular person. Thats all.



AprilR
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12 Jan 2022, 8:15 am

Hello, i get what you are saying so much. I used to be a misanthrope too and even got scared that i will become a evil, hateful person.
I think the best thing you can do for yourself is to surround yourself with positive things and people. Things that make you happy and people who support you.

And come to terms with the reality that no matter how nice you are to someone, they can still be as*holes to you and hate you. Some people are just hateful that way, and if you get affected by their negative energy it is best to stay away from them instead of trying to get them to like you. It is not your fault if someone hates you, as long as you are kind to them and don't hurt them. It is very easy to internalize hateful people's thoughts and to become a hateful person yourself but i think the best revenge would be the opposite. Not changing who you are because of other people's hate. You have it inside yourself to remain the good and kind person you are, don't doubt that.

Signed, an ex hateful misanthrope.

(also i am another inuyasha fan too!)



DunaDuna
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12 Jan 2022, 7:32 pm

I (kind of) know what you're going through.
I went from wanting to be the nicest person on Earth, to needing someone - anyone, on to feeling rejected, lonely, then suddenly being loved too much and feeling crowded.
I'm a misanthrope now, though not a hateful one. I dislike humanity, for how they behave and do to other species. But I do it in rather rational way. I don't hate them (I don't think I'm capable of such a strong emotion, anyway).
There are individuals I like more than others.
Sometimes I think it would be nice to have someone to share a special experience with. But then I think that before I can do this, I have to learn to be able to enjoy things by myself. To be at peace with myself, know my strengths and weaknesses. And allow myself to be a misanthrope.

Sounds a little Zen, but forcing yourself to be someone else won't help.
There's only so much masking you can do and still feel comfortable and relaxed during a prolonged time. I'm confident there's many people out there who have the patience and mind to get to know the real you.
Just don't give up!



theprisoner
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12 Jan 2022, 7:38 pm

There is no easy answer.


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21 Jan 2022, 5:25 am

sometimes it is unavoidable. the lightbulb clicked on in my head in my 40s, that me and people are just not compatible. so i broke it off with society and became a hermit and haven't looked back.



DunaDuna
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23 Jan 2022, 10:37 am

auntblabby wrote:
sometimes it is unavoidable. the lightbulb clicked on in my head in my 40s, that me and people are just not compatible. so i broke it off with society and became a hermit and haven't looked back.


Admirable.
I would like to live like that, too. Unfortunately I went from being quite independent to almost unable to organize my life or even do things I enjoy on my own.
These last three years have been extremely challenging, and I think that's why I'm not functioning so good anymore.
Hope some upcoming changes (one of them moving to a much more remote area) will help me find back my self-confidence and the peace of mind that I need to return to the 120% I'm used to function at (now I'm at about 70%).



txfz1
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23 Jan 2022, 10:43 am

I love mankind, its the individuals or man that I dislike.



auntblabby
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23 Jan 2022, 6:41 pm

DunaDuna wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
sometimes it is unavoidable. the lightbulb clicked on in my head in my 40s, that me and people are just not compatible. so i broke it off with society and became a hermit and haven't looked back.


Admirable. I would like to live like that, too. Unfortunately I went from being quite independent to almost unable to organize my life or even do things I enjoy on my own. These last three years have been extremely challenging, and I think that's why I'm not functioning so good anymore. Hope some upcoming changes (one of them moving to a much more remote area) will help me find back my self-confidence and the peace of mind that I need to return to the 120% I'm used to function at (now I'm at about 70%).

if it weren't for an inheritance i'd likely be dead by now, or at least living under a bridge like poor ol' "ASS-P" did for a long time [he was a WPer who passed away last year, his eulogy is on WP]. the only thing that separated him from me was i had a bit better luck in life, otherwise we were similar. he described his life as a "misfire" and that is me also, i've never functioned at "120%" or even "70%" - more like running on fumes most of the time. but it definitely is easier out here among the smogberry trees. just the sounds of nature, and occasionally yahoos off in the distance shooting their guns and revving their 2-strokes.



mohsart
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25 Jan 2022, 5:48 am

DunaDuna wrote:
I would like to live like that, too. Unfortunately I went from being quite independent to almost unable to organize my life or even do things I enjoy on my own.
These last three years have been extremely challenging, and I think that's why I'm not functioning so good anymore.
Hope some upcoming changes (one of them moving to a much more remote area) will help me find back my self-confidence and the peace of mind that I need to return to the 120% I'm used to function at (now I'm at about 70%).

That could have been written by me.
Except for that my problems started when I moved to a smaller place.
I feel like the melting pot of a larger city makes it easier to find people to relate to.
I find that finding ones place and getting accepted in a smaller town/village is much harder.

/Mats


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28 Jan 2022, 9:03 pm

Getting rid of misanthropy is easier with positive social experience, than getting rid of loneliness as an autistic.


It takes hope to humanity to loose misanthropy a bit. It doesn't have to be in a form of external trigger like watching acts of charity and resilience.
But to see something else in humanity as a whole and as individuals -- something better for everyone, both the selfless and selfish.

But loneliness, regardless of misanthrophy, won't be easy still.
"Find your tribe" they say.
Can't help well in this area. I only know how to be less alone and more relatable, but not less lonely because I never truly felt lonely.


Anyways.
I have a form of misanthrophy not because of social rejection and negative interaction experiences.

But because humans, as individuals, as a society and being one are all disappointing and frustrating and inconvenient.

The negative experiences that are solely coming from my own shortcomings, and seeing someone else (or me) pay for someone else's (or my own) shortcomings.


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auntblabby
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28 Jan 2022, 9:13 pm

i know other humans are simply not wired to grok me. took me all my life, all these decades in this hellworld, to grok that. that is a barren consolation, a cold comfort.