When people ask: Are you doing anything fun for the weekend?

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KitLily
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11 Nov 2022, 7:03 am

I got this information from an autistic person on Twitter who posts useful advice for other autists. She says:

I may be wrong, but... I think I finally figured out that the questions, "Are you doing anything fun for the weekend?" and the same questions framed in past-tense, are social cues that just mean: "I'm fishing for a small talk subject. What's exciting for you recently?"

Which means, even if you don't have something to talk about that fits *exactly* what someone is asking, it's generally okay to respond with: "No, BUT!"

Examples:
Q: Got anything fun planned for today? A: Not today, BUT in a few days I'll be getting a game that I'm looking forward to playing!
Q: Did you travel anywhere over the holiday? A: No, BUT I was able to experiment with cooking a lot, and I made some new foods I like.

Basically, these questions are a social script where they're trying to find a subject that the person wants to talk about, that also isn't boring for them. So they cast a wide net, with a question that's "safe" that probably, hopefully has an answer.

But whether they realize it or not, I think the majority of the time, the *intention* is just to get a conversation started, for reasons from literally getting to know you, to trying to be polite and making the other person feel more comfortable/at ease by showing friendliness.

And in my experience, the majority of the time, if you respond to a small-talk-prompt like that with a "no, BUT," most people will roll with it, because it gives the conversation *some* kind of hook to work with. As opposed to: Q: Doing anything fun this weekend? A: Hm... nope.

Granted, I'm also autistic so I might be missing bits and pieces of this! But this is at least what I've pieced together for myself so far.

"No-but" is a cousin to "Yes-and".

^This has helped me a lot! A lightbulb switched on!

I often get asked what I'm doing this weekend/ what I did last weekend and I just say, 'nothing.' or similar.

So...the people asking this want to start a conversation! They aren't just being nosy/annoying! :idea: :idea:

I hope this helps some other people on WP too!


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DuckHairback
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11 Nov 2022, 9:29 am

KitLily wrote:
"No-but" is a cousin to "Yes-and".


Off topic but I've often wondered whether improv classes (where you can practice yes-anding) would help some people with ASD build social skills.

They don't seem to be as much of thing in the UK as in the US, and are frequently focused on comedy which might not be so relevant. But all the same.

Thankyou for the tip. There's a lady who sometimes asks me this when I pick my daughter up from school on Friday afternoons. I usually say "no" because its often true, or I just don't know yet. Probably does come across as rude!


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KitLily
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11 Nov 2022, 12:11 pm

DuckHairback wrote:
KitLily wrote:
"No-but" is a cousin to "Yes-and".


Off topic but I've often wondered whether improv classes (where you can practice yes-anding) would help some people with ASD build social skills.

They don't seem to be as much of thing in the UK as in the US, and are frequently focused on comedy which might not be so relevant. But all the same.

Thankyou for the tip. There's a lady who sometimes asks me this when I pick my daughter up from school on Friday afternoons. I usually say "no" because its often true, or I just don't know yet. Probably does come across as rude!


I think you are right, those classes would help. We could at least practice different scenarios.

I *love* acting and improv. I used to work in schools and had so much fun acting with the students. I would join one of those classes. My daughter is also a good actress, she got an award at school for playing Lady MacBeth. So it seems that autistic people can act.

I always get asked 'doing anything nice at the weekend' by the hairdresser. It is the bane of my life. I had to 'shop around' til I got a hairdresser who didn't ask me that. And mums in the playground used to ask me that too, the same situation as yours.

But now I know what to say!


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kraftiekortie
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12 Nov 2022, 7:50 am

Just say you’re running errands or something. Most people actually run errands during the weekend.



KitLily
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12 Nov 2022, 8:04 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Just say you’re running errands or something. Most people actually run errands during the weekend.


I suppose so, but the person asking would be bored by this and say 'oh.' And the conversation would end as usual. The person asking wants to start a conversation, it seems.


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Mountain Goat
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12 Nov 2022, 8:37 am

Confusing. Want to know why question has been asked. Have suspicious mind. Haha!

I tend to give a reply that is either too honest or very guarded.

If asked from someone I can predict I can answer correctly.



kraftiekortie
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12 Nov 2022, 11:03 am

Indeed, it’s a way to make conversation.

I guess talk about some project you’re doing around the house—or talk about spending some “quality time” with your daughter.



IsabellaLinton
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12 Nov 2022, 11:22 am

I usually say "Yes, I'm staying home reading a book". I get the strangest looks, as if that couldn't possibly be fun.
Sometimes they ask what I'll be reading but their eyes glaze over when I name German philosophy, literary criticism, or a biography on some dead sod from the 19th Century.

I'll never forget years ago I told my optometrist I needed reading glasses. "Oh, you read? How far away is your computer screen?" When I told her I read print books she looked at me like I had four heads and said "Wow ... That's so cool!"

8O



Trueno
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12 Nov 2022, 12:17 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
I usually say "Yes, I'm staying home reading a book". I get the strangest looks, as if that couldn't possibly be fun.
Sometimes they ask what I'll be reading but their eyes glaze over when I name German philosophy, literary criticism, or a biography on some dead sod from the 19th Century.

I'll never forget years ago I told my optometrist I needed reading glasses. "Oh, you read? How far away is your computer screen?" When I told her I read print books she looked at me like I had four heads and said "Wow ... That's so cool!"

8O


I like that. I read a lot of dead sods from the 19th century and even more dead sods from the 18th century.


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IsabellaLinton
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12 Nov 2022, 12:32 pm

Ooohhh!! I'll see your Walpole and raise you Arnold! ^ :twisted:


It's even more funny when they ask about whole seasons:

"How was your summer?"
"Great, thanks!"
"Did you travel or do anything?"
"Nope! It was marvellous!"



Trueno
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12 Nov 2022, 12:55 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Ooohhh!! I'll see your Walpole and raise you Arnold! ^ :twisted:


It's even more funny when they ask about whole seasons:

"How was your summer?"
"Great, thanks!"
"Did you travel or do anything?"
"Nope! It was marvellous!"


I also like that one.


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KitLily
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14 Nov 2022, 9:23 am

Mountain Goat wrote:
Confusing. Want to know why question has been asked. Have suspicious mind. Haha!

I tend to give a reply that is either too honest or very guarded.


Same here! 'Why do you want to know?' lol.


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KitLily
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14 Nov 2022, 9:24 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Indeed, it’s a way to make conversation.

I guess talk about some project you’re doing around the house—or talk about spending some “quality time” with your daughter.


yes, those are good ideas. I've spent 'quality time' with my daughter for the last 17 years though, so I might avoid giving that answer. haha.


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KitLily
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14 Nov 2022, 9:25 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
I usually say "Yes, I'm staying home reading a book". I get the strangest looks, as if that couldn't possibly be fun.
Sometimes they ask what I'll be reading but their eyes glaze over when I name German philosophy, literary criticism, or a biography on some dead sod from the 19th Century.

I'll never forget years ago I told my optometrist I needed reading glasses. "Oh, you read? How far away is your computer screen?" When I told her I read print books she looked at me like I had four heads and said "Wow ... That's so cool!"

8O


I usually think of that answer but stop myself as it sounds boring. It isn't though!

That is so sad that people don't read print books anymore though isn't it. We are cyborgs now.


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JustFoundHere
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02 Dec 2022, 6:16 pm

Most often, I'm asked this question by like-minded people - who also want to pretty-much relax during weekends!



KitLily
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03 Dec 2022, 4:55 am

JustFoundHere wrote:
Most often, I'm asked this question by like-minded people - who also want to pretty-much relax during weekends!


Wow! Where do you find these like-minded people? I don't know anyone similar to me.


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