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Jamesy
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07 Dec 2022, 9:09 am

I walked around my local woodland today and when it comes to strangers sometimes they don’t even look at me or even say “Hello” even though they greet and talk with other people around the woods.

Has anyone else had similar experiences to me?



Joe90
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07 Dec 2022, 9:46 am

Yes all the time and I feel insulted.

A few years ago I remember walking with my mum and an older lady was coming towards us on an electric scooter. I stood to the side to let her pass and gave her a nice, friendly smile. She just glared at me, so I just struggled it off and assumed she wasn't the friendly type. But then I heard her say hello to my mum, who was a few feet behind me. When I asked my mum if she knew the lady she said no. So that just made it obvious that most strangers hate me and I don't even know why. I don't look much different to anyone else and I know to make eye contact and smile.

So I don't bother making eye contact with strangers these days unless I'm interacting with them in some way. It just hurts when strangers greet others who I'm walking with but never greet me if I look at them and smile. Even when my mum was scowling (she often did because she had anxiety/depression) strangers still said hello as they passed. So it can't be anything to do with my facial expression. And I don't think it's my body language because what body language is the "correct" body language? Stepping aside to let a disabled person pass and smiling nicely at them sounds correct to me.


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Jamesy
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07 Dec 2022, 9:51 am

Joe90 wrote:
Yes all the time and I feel insulted.

A few years ago I remember walking with my mum and an older lady was coming towards us on an electric scooter. I stood to the side to let her pass and gave her a nice, friendly smile. She just glared at me, so I just struggled it off and assumed she wasn't the friendly type. But then I heard her say hello to my mum, who was a few feet behind me. When I asked my mum if she knew the lady she said no. So that just made it obvious that most strangers hate me and I don't even know why. I don't look much different to anyone else and I know to make eye contact and smile.

So I don't bother making eye contact with strangers these days unless I'm interacting with them in some way. It just hurts when strangers greet others who I'm walking with but never greet me if I look at them and smile. Even when my mum was scowling (she often did because she had anxiety/depression) strangers still said hello as they passed. So it can't be anything to do with my facial expression. And I don't think it's my body language because what body language is the "correct" body language? Stepping aside to let a disabled person pass and smiling nicely at them sounds correct to me.



Maybe they don't like us autistic people? That said it's not all the time that strangers are rude to me sometimes there friendly.

In my last place of employment i remember in the office some days my work collegues would totally ignore me and it pissed me off.



Last edited by Jamesy on 07 Dec 2022, 9:53 am, edited 1 time in total.

kraftiekortie
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07 Dec 2022, 9:53 am

People seem to trust older people more, in my experience. I wouldn't take it personally.

As an older person, I'm treated better in the street than when I was younger.

I am 99.99% sure that they don't know that Joe is on the Spectrum.



Jamesy
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07 Dec 2022, 9:55 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
People seem to trust older people more, in my experience. I wouldn't take it personally.

As an older person, I'm treated better in the street than when I was younger.

I am 99.99% sure that they don't know that Joe is on the Spectrum.



In my last job I remember on one particular day everyone ignored me and one women did not even say thank you when I held the door open for her at work :evil:


Also in America they have much different standards of courtesy compared to England I am sure



kraftiekortie
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07 Dec 2022, 9:57 am

In big cities, people aren't usually friendly.

In small towns, people tend to be friendlier.



Joe90
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07 Dec 2022, 11:17 am

I was in a small town when the lady wasn't unfriendly.

But I don't like the "you're autistic so you give off vibes" cliche because that just makes me feel self-conscious. I have a kind sort of expression about me, as many people have told me that. I'm a bit timid too but not unapproachable or creepy. I don't look creepy at all.

This is why I'm having therapy, because of my fear I have of looking like a freak.


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07 Dec 2022, 7:46 pm

I find that teenagers tend to roll their eyes and talk badly of me. When I'm approached by teenagers, sometimes they speak to me in a condescending baby voice. Which is odd. :? I overhear teenagers calling me uncool. Granted, I wasn't cool when I was a teenager, so it doesn't surprise me that I remain as such.

However, this is directly conflicting with how most strangers treat me in public. I find myself randomly invited to settle arguments because I'm an unbiased stranger, people ask for my help with temporarily holding their kid whilst they are carrying items, and strangers randomly tell me about their problems unprompted. However, I do live in rural middle of nowhere, so this isn't that unusual.

I remember going shopping one time and a stranger approached me. She was with her husband. I was just about to look through a clothing rack. "This is the type of thing I'm looking for" the woman said and gestured at my clothes. I gave her a puzzled expression and looked behind me because I wondered if I was stood near a display or something that I'd missed. For a moment I wondered if she'd mistaken me for a mannequin but then I realised that I'd been moving around too much for that to make much sense. She explained "Oh, this is my husband, he's useless at this type of thing" and then they left. I mean I'm flattered but also incredibly baffled. Hopefully they found whatever they were looking for in that shop. :lol:


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Joe90
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07 Dec 2022, 8:16 pm

It just seems that other people can not be focusing on strangers at all and are lost in their own thoughts and not really giving off a super friendly facial expression that screams "greet me!" but as soon as they inadvertently meet a stranger's eye they get greeted.

One time I was waiting with my friend at a bus stop, in a busy town where neither of us lived, and my friend was trying to light a cigarette. She had to turn her back to me to get out of the wind direction, and as she did a woman was coming along. I made eye contact with her and gave a smile but, as usual, she just looked at me like I was a freak. Then my friend's cigarette was lit so she turned around again, not expecting the woman to be walking by, so she automatically made eye contact with her cigarette in her mouth (not smiling or even really making any friendly expressions) and the woman said "hello" to her.

This kept happening so often that it began to hit a raw nerve and I avoided walking out with other people because I was afraid of being reminded how differently I get treated by how passing strangers greet them and not me.
Having ADHD I do tend to focus on these little things and it can end up ruling my self-image and generating feelings of anger, resentment and depression, and even thoughts of suicide.

God I hate being me.


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Summer_Twilight
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15 Dec 2022, 9:40 am

Jamesy wrote:
I walked around my local woodland today and when it comes to strangers sometimes they don’t even look at me or even say “Hello” even though they greet and talk with other people around the woods.

Has anyone else had similar experiences to me?


Hi:
Yes, I do but I have noticed that most people greet each other because they would most likely be involved in a clique or are just comfortable with the people they know. They also probably have a set of unwritten social rules that are different from the rules that we are used to.



ezbzbfcg2
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15 Dec 2022, 9:53 am

Can relate. It's easy to say, "That stranger is just an unfriendly person," but then, a moment later, they're friendly and normal with someone else. Definitely. You're not alone. It is puzzling. Maybe we do give off vibes.



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15 Dec 2022, 10:59 am

I ride the bus with a lady who seems to have no problem talking to other people but when it comes to me, she either ignores me or calls me the B word under her breath when I try to be nice. However, she made me so uncomfortable by being rude that I used a couple of comebacks with her. However, I ended up sharing a ride with her through a ride-share service back in October which was awkward and I could not wait for that ride to be over. While she ignored me, I noticed that she struck up a conversation with the driver.

However, I found out that other people on the bus have a problem with her and think she's pretty stuck on herself.



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15 Dec 2022, 1:22 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
I ride the bus with a lady who seems to have no problem talking to other people but when it comes to me, she either ignores me or calls me the B word under her breath when I try to be nice. However, she made me so uncomfortable by being rude that I used a couple of comebacks with her. However, I ended up sharing a ride with her through a ride-share service back in October which was awkward and I could not wait for that ride to be over. While she ignored me, I noticed that she struck up a conversation with the driver.

However, I found out that other people on the bus have a problem with her and think she's pretty stuck on herself.


This reminds me a bit of a woman I used to know who was very fake and tricked people into liking her like she's a wonderful person (she mostly tricked elderly people, and guys of any age would fancy her and ask her out even though she was like 60+ and not that attractive). She acted out the same kind, sweet personality that I have, except this is my REAL personality - but more people loved her than they did me!

I did get jealous of her in the end. That's how we fell out, because I started to see through her lies and she didn't want me to see the nasty narcissist she really was, and I showed that I was jealous of all the attention she got. But I don't like the way she tricked sweet little elderly people into thinking she was wonderful. She'd make fun of them behind their back and say really nasty things.


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16 Dec 2022, 8:40 am

I am so sorry she hurt you like that and it’s not your fault. She probably manipulated those elderly people and did what she could to isolate you. Narcissists tend to gravitate towards nice people so they can use them and control them.

Speaking of narcissists, I recently stumbled upon a TikTok page of one who I used to be friends with. However, she wants nothing to do with me because I wasn’t willing to play her therapist anymore. I am also not willing to take the emotional abuse that she likes to throw at people. Also looking at her content was incredibly toxic. I had to share her page with a few people who I can trust and they all felt the same way.