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JustFoundHere
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23 Mar 2023, 3:17 pm

A WP discussion-thread - 'AS/NT Friendships' - a discussion-thread topic whose title is "spot on."

The positive experiences of AS/NT friendships needs further discussion.



cyberdad
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23 Mar 2023, 3:58 pm

KitLily wrote:
'Doing weird things' is just too vague.

I know you're trying to explain but those things he did don't apply to me.


I never said anyone is anything. I just said when people do weird things it becomes harder to get on in the neurotypical world.

I gave examples of things I experienced that were weird.



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24 Mar 2023, 1:23 am

Trueno wrote:
KitLily wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
KitLily wrote:
Define 'weird' please.


I briefly worked with a guy back in 2010 who subsequently disclosed to me he had Aspergers. We actually got on, and he seemed pretty intelligent and ran his own business. But he did weird things.
1. He refused to sit down anywhere with his back to another person (He told me he felt paranoid)
2. He had a grandiose sense of self and when he spoke of his achievements (which were impressive) it came across as elitist like he was better than other people
3. I thought he would sympathetic about having a child on the spectrum, instead when he heard she was non-verbal (at the time) he said something rather horrible like "I'm not interested in low functioning autism" (like it triggered him or something?). I took that as a cue to avoid/leave him alone.

All three of those things were in his power to control, but he chose to be weird. That's what I mean.


But I don't do any of those things. So what do I do that's weird? Because I don't know. 'Doing weird things' is just too vague.

I know you're trying to explain but those things he did don't apply to me.


I met an aspie.
He was weird.
Therefore all aspies are weird.

It’s what’s known as a false syllogism. Flawed logic.


I have never met a "normal" PERSON in my life. 8)



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24 Mar 2023, 1:24 am

KitLily wrote:
Trueno wrote:
I met an aspie.
He was weird.
Therefore all aspies are weird.

It’s what’s known as a false syllogism. Flawed logic.


Seems that way. I really hate the word 'weird'. What does it even mean? What is defined as weird and what isn't?


Anyone who isn't "Pepe" is "weird".
Simples. 8)



KitLily
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24 Mar 2023, 7:45 am

cyberdad wrote:
KitLily wrote:
'Doing weird things' is just too vague.

I know you're trying to explain but those things he did don't apply to me.


I never said anyone is anything. I just said when people do weird things it becomes harder to get on in the neurotypical world.

I gave examples of things I experienced that were weird.


I know you're trying to help but I don't understand what is weird about my behaviour or what I say. I suppose you'd have to meet me in person to see what I do that's weird. If someone could just say 'when you do X, people think it's weird' it would be a massive help. But no one ever does. They just look at me with confusion and disappear.

That's not an invitation, don't panic :lol:


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KitLily
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24 Mar 2023, 7:47 am

JustFoundHere wrote:
A WP discussion-thread - 'AS/NT Friendships' - a discussion-thread topic whose title is "spot on."

The positive experiences of AS/NT friendships needs further discussion.


Please do start this thread!


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Joe90
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24 Mar 2023, 8:09 am

I get on with NTs. I'm quite well-liked everywhere I go, but I just don't seem to form close friendships with NTs, especially the average sort of NTs that focus less on what sort of person you are and more on how much you speak and how much like them you are and how many questions you ask about themselves and how much make-up you wear and how appealing you find going out to bars getting drunk at weekends.

The NTs that don't have this mindset are much more easier for me to form friendships with.


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KitLily
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24 Mar 2023, 12:15 pm

I *used* to get on with NTs or people in general, I was perceived as 'that quirky, wacky girl'. I think it's just living in this crap village where everyone seems to be interrelated and anyone 'new' is excluded. Maybe it's circumstances, I dunno.

I know I go on about that a lot but hopefully we can move away next year *praying*

It just helps me to make a list of what I've discovered about NTs/people and how to get on with them.


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cyberdad
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25 Mar 2023, 2:52 am

KitLily wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
I know you're trying to help but I don't understand what is weird about my behaviour or what I say. I suppose you'd have to meet me in person to see what I do that's weird.


I guarantee you there are aspies (especially female ones) who seamlessly blend in and are more socially successful than 95% of NTs out there.
Of course it's not easy for them. A little bit like an acting role except you play the part every time you walk outside the door.



KitLily
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25 Mar 2023, 7:44 am

cyberdad wrote:
KitLily wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
I know you're trying to help but I don't understand what is weird about my behaviour or what I say. I suppose you'd have to meet me in person to see what I do that's weird.


I guarantee you there are aspies (especially female ones) who seamlessly blend in and are more socially successful than 95% of NTs out there.
Of course it's not easy for them. A little bit like an acting role except you play the part every time you walk outside the door.


We shouldn't have to do that, should we. People should be more accepting :roll:

Then again, do I want to blend in seamlessly? I don't want to be acting a role 24/7, it's too exhausting. I am often glad I'm a weirdo.


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JustFoundHere
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25 Mar 2023, 3:51 pm

KitLily wrote:
JustFoundHere wrote:
A WP discussion-thread - 'AS/NT Friendships' - a discussion-thread topic whose title is "spot on."

The positive experiences of AS/NT friendships needs further discussion.


Please do start this thread!


As of this writing, the discussion thread, 'AS/NT Friendships' is on 'Page 2' (within the first 10 listings) of the 'Social Skills and Making Friends Forum.'

Other discussion threads of interest on 'Page 2':

- Friendships - Age 30 Plus.
- Doubts, Bad Experiences, etc.........



cyberdad
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25 Mar 2023, 5:46 pm

KitLily wrote:
We shouldn't have to do that, should we. People should be more accepting :roll:

Then again, do I want to blend in seamlessly? I don't want to be acting a role 24/7, it's too exhausting. I am often glad I'm a weirdo.


I'm afraid we all have to do that. Including us NT schmucks. It is psychologically draining and dissonant to have to smile and "take it" from unpleasant people we all have to work with. I'm afraid even NTs have to learn to grin and bear it. It's not a walk in the park to be not allowed to be yourself. Even among family or friends. It's one reason my wife and I maintain minimal links with outsiders so both so we can focus on our daughter which saps most of our energy.

It's rather odd as I detect that the majority of WP members are not into wokeness and that people need to accept social norms as they are. But I'm afraid you can't have it both ways. If you want to get on with NTs you also have to play their games. You can;t pick and choose what rules to change.



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25 Mar 2023, 6:16 pm

KitLily wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
KitLily wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
I know you're trying to help but I don't understand what is weird about my behaviour or what I say. I suppose you'd have to meet me in person to see what I do that's weird.


I guarantee you there are aspies (especially female ones) who seamlessly blend in and are more socially successful than 95% of NTs out there.
Of course it's not easy for them. A little bit like an acting role except you play the part every time you walk outside the door.


We shouldn't have to do that, should we. People should be more accepting :roll:

Then again, do I want to blend in seamlessly? I don't want to be acting a role 24/7, it's too exhausting. I am often glad I'm a weirdo.


"Ppl" are simply tribalistic naked apes.
Many are more than happy to form groups that discriminate against other "competitors".
"Nature of the beast."
What can you do?



Pepe
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25 Mar 2023, 6:23 pm

cyberdad wrote:
KitLily wrote:
We shouldn't have to do that, should we. People should be more accepting :roll:

Then again, do I want to blend in seamlessly? I don't want to be acting a role 24/7, it's too exhausting. I am often glad I'm a weirdo.


I'm afraid we all have to do that. Including us NT schmucks. It is psychologically draining and dissonant to have to smile and "take it" from unpleasant people we all have to work with. I'm afraid even NTs have to learn to grin and bear it. It's not a walk in the park to be not allowed to be yourself. Even among family or friends. It's one reason my wife and I maintain minimal links with outsiders so both so we can focus on our daughter which saps most of our energy.


"You knew the job was dangerous when you took it." :mrgreen:

cyberdad wrote:
It's rather odd as I detect that the majority of WP members are not into wokeness and that people need to accept social norms as they are. But I'm afraid you can't have it both ways. If you want to get on with NTs you also have to play their games. You can;t pick and choose what rules to change.


In what universe? 8O
"We will have to agree to disagree."



KitLily
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26 Mar 2023, 4:33 am

JustFoundHere wrote:
KitLily wrote:
JustFoundHere wrote:
A WP discussion-thread - 'AS/NT Friendships' - a discussion-thread topic whose title is "spot on."

The positive experiences of AS/NT friendships needs further discussion.


Please do start this thread!


As of this writing, the discussion thread, 'AS/NT Friendships' is on 'Page 2' (within the first 10 listings) of the 'Social Skills and Making Friends Forum.'

Other discussion threads of interest on 'Page 2':

- Friendships - Age 30 Plus.
- Doubts, Bad Experiences, etc.........


Oh thanks! I didn't know what you meant at first :)


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KitLily
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26 Mar 2023, 4:42 am

cyberdad wrote:
I'm afraid we all have to do that. Including us NT schmucks. It is psychologically draining and dissonant to have to smile and "take it" from unpleasant people we all have to work with. I'm afraid even NTs have to learn to grin and bear it. It's not a walk in the park to be not allowed to be yourself. Even among family or friends. It's one reason my wife and I maintain minimal links with outsiders so both so we can focus on our daughter which saps most of our energy.

It's rather odd as I detect that the majority of WP members are not into wokeness and that people need to accept social norms as they are. But I'm afraid you can't have it both ways. If you want to get on with NTs you also have to play their games. You can;t pick and choose what rules to change.


Yes...I'm a bit too old to play along with people 24/7 now. I've made a list of rules that might help me get by but I'll see how it goes. It's good that every post I make on WP helps me come to a conclusion.

It's quite reassuring that even NTs don't have it all their own way and sail through life though. What a strange world humans have made for ourselves, where everyone has to play a part instead of being themselves.


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