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shortfatbalduglyman
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02 May 2024, 10:33 pm

What is it like to be mute or close to it?

Have you ever tried to be silent for a day?

How long is the longest you have gone without talking?



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09 May 2024, 10:19 am

I have tried not to talk for a whole day, usually giving up when I became bored. I once didn't speak for a whole school day because I was just tired of talking to people, instead of experimentation.
I'm not sure, but I think I go non-verbal when I'm overwhelmed. I've been forced to talk under those circumstances (it usually takes a few tries), but it's really difficult and I refuse to do so now.
I wouldn't know but I assume mute people feel okay communicating by other means, writing, sign language, body language. I mean, of course it's harder, but they're probably used to it.


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shortfatbalduglyman
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09 May 2024, 5:17 pm

it just seems like the vast majority of the time, when I try to say something, someone either doesn't

hear (Precious lil "people" act so enthusiastic, like every thought and emotion that went through their heads, are the latest greatest scientific inventions. Then when I try to say something, they have the nerve to *half listen* and grunt "huh" and "what", like they are the etiquette equivalent of "excuse me".) (where i work, @ home depot, the entire building is loud. coworkers and customers tend to be hard of hearing, as construction workers).

care (It appears that some precious lil "people", care about plenty of "people", but everyone they care about acts just like them [neurotypical and cisgender], and they care about them vice versa.)

understand (they acted like they understood, but they did not understand. they made wrong assumptions. they were not even aware that they made wrong assumptions.)

believe (they expected me to believe whatever they told me, but they were not willing to believe the slightest thing i tried to tell them. even when there was literally *nothing* at stake for them, if they believed what i said.)

remember (even though I told them)

what i said. And that makes the cost benefit analysis not worth it.



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10 May 2024, 7:02 pm

Yeah, performative allies will act like that a lot; pretending to care or understand but in reality, they're ignorant and won't help you when you need it.
It's messed up nobody listens to you or believes you, but very real if I'm being honest.
I've had people laugh at my serious problems because they didn't believe me and found my issues preposterous and also sometimes, I just don't emote correctly (I find it hard acting serious and tend to say everything like a joke even if I mean it).
It sucks when people don't listen, especially when you're talking about something you care about. I also can't stand people who continue to do something inappropriate or offensive, even when told off by the person it affects.
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vergil96
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11 May 2024, 10:52 am

Do you mean like a completely nonverbal person? Or what kind of thing?

I don't know how long I went without talking the longest. It was long, a week, I think. I write though, texting is much more difficult to stop, lol.

I'm hard of hearing and have always been... If your hearing is suited to it, you might like to talk, I prefer written text, I can always see it clearly, unlike spoken word, in many situations it sounds like gibberish to me. Perhaps not the kind of answer you're looking for, as it's probably a different kind of issue with communication. It's not needed to talk in all situations, you don't have to say a word during everyday shopping, for example.



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20 May 2024, 4:41 pm

I'm reading up on it and it looks like the speech delay in autism has to do with the hearing problems. They have nothing to do with any problems with the ears, it's how the brain processes sensory input that makes it hard to distinguish speech. So yeah - you've got the answer. I can recommend Temple Grandin's book on this topic, quite insightful and intelligently written. She used to be unable to speak as a child, if you want to read about it more.



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20 May 2024, 7:00 pm

I have Selective Mutism and don't like speaking, in general, even when I can. I find speech physically exhausting and I get stressed out because my mind and thoughts are so much faster than my verbal language. I don't think in a linear way either because of synaesthesia and ADHD etc., so my thoughts bounce all over the place and it's very difficult to consciously order them for the sake of others, in real time. Then there's the whole thing about having to use facial expressions, the right tone of voice, or the right volume. I despise having to repeat myself or explain myself when it was hard enough to say something in the first place.

Selective Mutism doesn't mean that I select when to talk or not. It's involuntary. When I can't talk, I just won't / can't, like having Pathological Demand Avoidance and a broken mouth at the same time.

I've gone weeks without talking, especially when I was in Uni and just listening to lectures. Even with my kids, most of our communication is written on text. I've never left a voicemail message for anyone in my life.

It's the single most challenging aspect of all my relationships.

I had a Speech-Language Pathologist at school as a child, as an adult after my first stroke, and again about two years ago when I decided I wanted to try speaking to my mother (something which is historically next to impossible for me). The SLP said it was more of an issue for Psychology related to anxiety, but my Psychologist says it's an issue for SLP.

No one seems to be able to help.


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20 May 2024, 7:57 pm

when nothing you say makes a difference ...or you can expect certain outcomes are the only ones possible.
Then what are the differences if you speak or not ? ......Or does this being mute imply a entire seperate level of understanding ??.ie. as in Aspie mutism :mrgreen:


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27 May 2024, 11:33 pm

I did tried to go mute for a day.

While it's deliberate and somehow effortful...
Like some sort of exercise or practice. It felt like I'm sort of holding back any translated verbal thoughts in my head, sort of feel almost like holding my breathe but without suffocating.

:lol: It took a weight off my head. It's also quieter. Semi-manual verbal processing translation in favor of manual wordlessness. It was quite an odd yet equal trade off.

Then felt giddy about it.

It's as if... I need a good fraction of my processing to think in words and pay attention to it.
Sure the semi-auto unnatural overworking over words it's a habit to compensate, but somehow encumbering; not that I can just avoid it. :| Nor have the options.

Speech is more complicated than reading. So there's that. Sometimes I wish I was mute or deaf, so things won't get more complicated whenever I say things.


Going mute does not end with me not talking; it also stops certain thoughts and processing.

It's sort of one of my relaxation and perspective shifting techniques; deliberate stillness and easier to see certain concepts or ideas that had yet to be named -- I call it wordless world.



At my worst, it's not that I'd loose speech -- I'd lose language.
Speech, hearing, writing and reading would be useless even if I can technically speak, it's meaningless.


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vergil96
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05 Jun 2024, 6:01 am

Yeah, there is also the linear vs non-linear thinking issue. That and hearing being my worse sense make speaking like a left hand. There are things I do better. There are times when I can't recall fitting words and can't organise what I want to say grammatically, in a linear fashion. The way I think isn't like that, it's not linear and I think visually and in schemes. Some of the elements are literally written words or numbers. It takes time and effort to translate it to speech that would meet standard requirements and to find the right words for symbols or concepts. I don't always have the mental energy for it or it will come out very clumsy. I think it basically comes down to those two things, unreliable hearing and non-linear thinking. Then when I'm tired or nervous, the hard things are first to go.

On the flip side, I had an autistic friend whose worse sense is eyesight, he wears thick glasses and had a health accident that made his eyesight worse too. He isn't good at spatial thinking or imagining things, but he is a very good speaker and speaks, loudly, clearly, in full sentences and even well composed "paragraphs", in a radio speaker voice.



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05 Jun 2024, 6:11 am

I don't consider myself mute or anywhere even close to it but I don't talk much, unless I'm asked specific questions in which case I can infodump on people.

In a group of people I'm very quiet, I often don't feel like I have anything to say, that my mind is just blank. I'm usually listening to what people say and do and storing it for later when I'll process it and come to some conclusion.

People don't like that much though. They want to know what I think then and there and get suspicious if I don't have anything to add.

If there's background noise (like in a crowded place, or machine noise) I simply can't understand what anyone is saying so I feel very isolated and tend to go inwards.

When I lived alone I would happily go days without talking to anyone. I don't find that hard at all. Now I live with my family that's not possible, but if I go camping with my dog, or sometimes I'll go to a music festival alone, I can easily go two or three days without speaking.


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FleaOfTheChill
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05 Jun 2024, 7:42 am

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
What is it like to be mute or close to it?

Have you ever tried to be silent for a day?

How long is the longest you have gone without talking?


I used to deal with selective mutism. Still do, I suppose, but not like I did before. When it's a stress based reaction for me, it does not feel good. I cannot make words form in my head, I lose the ability to make words happen and speech is impossible. I might want to say, "I need to go hide, I am not okay" but I have no way to form the sentence let alone figure out how to make my mouth speak it.

Tried to be silent? I have taken vows of silence before and I love that. I've also had days where I interact with no one, so I don't speak at all. Non stressed based silence is awesome for me. I think the longest I've gone without speaking a word is maybe a week? It's been a while though as I do talk to my dog.

What's interesting about it for me is that I don't think in words naturally...it's something I have to make an effort to do to interact with others. I noticed that when I go days without talking, my mind goes back to thinking in only concepts/ideas and my life tends to run a bit more smoothly. I think it's the 'free space' in my brain from not having to be on translate mode. Like removing a slow/steady stressor from the background and not realizing that it was a stressor until it was suddenly gone. One of those content sigh moments. I miss that.



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05 Jun 2024, 11:39 am

Sometimes , I do not mind being trapped inside a mind that thinks in concepts. .. just sometimes that can be impoosible
to convey to other people it seems, very often . Written words can often help that for me. / but not always.


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05 Jun 2024, 12:14 pm

I did try not talking to others when I was younger and undiagnosed, but it never really worked because I loved to talk, I would often talk too much, and they probably would have enjoyed the silence anyway.

I've also tried not talking to the people I was mad at abut to other people, but that didn't go well either since I NEED to tell people why they suck. :lol:

I think it would be incredibly exhausting and frustrating to have enormous thoughts and feelings swirling around in your head and not be able to use your words to get them out.



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05 Jun 2024, 2:22 pm

Jakki wrote:
Sometimes , I do not mind being trapped inside a mind that thinks in concepts. .. just sometimes that can be impoosible
to convey to other people it seems, very often . Written words can often help that for me. / but not always.


I feel that. So much lost in translation, so much doesn't come out right. Words don't do a lot of it justice. Thinking in concepts is great until you add other people into the mix.