You're so annoying!

Post Reply New Topic

To the OP. I have a problem that's slightly similar to yours. I find myself deleted often and don't know why. It hurts, even if it really shouldn't. I wonder if I did something or commented too often on their posts or something. I rarely ask if I did something wrong, but people here tell me not to worry about it. It's odd, but I think I get it more than others. Oh well... it sounds like you're learning, and remember, you don't know exactly why they did it, so don't take it too personally.

Maybe I can help. I'm not great socially (as in I really don't like people that much), but I do seem to have a pretty decent grasp of boundaries for an Aspie. Mostly because I have super-sized boundaries myself and I get furious if they are crossed, I suppose.

Personally, I know I hate nothing more than when someone continuously keeps trying to talk to me, even though I am showing clear signs of "OMG... go away." For an Aspie, those signs can be hard to pick up. I do this by being very short in conversation with people (in real life) or ignoring them completely (online). Well... actually I just say "go away," but I'm blunt like that.

So, what you might try to do in the future is start off a conversation with a simple ice breaker. Try noting something that you have in common with the other person. "Hi there. I noticed that you like (insert hobby here). I like the same thing. What is your favourite aspect about (hobby)?" If the person responds back, then great, read their answer and reply back. If they do not reply back, then just drop the conversation and don't message them again. It's like tennis. You talk. They talk. You talk. They talk. You talk. They talk. I've noticed some Aspies do the "You talk. You talk. You talk. You talk. You talk. You talk" thing (I do it, too...). Well, that's annoying as all get out. So, just say one thing, and if they respond back, then great. If not, then don't pursue the conversation. Don't post all over their walls, either. People seem to not like that.

Good luck! I hope I explained myself okay. I'm kind of groggy and still haven't had my coffee. Oh wait... I don't drink coffee. s**t.

You were very helpful AMDeering

Lol, don't like coffee? Try a fizzy drink in the morning to get you going! XD lol

I love coffee, I'm just allergic to caffeine.

An autistic girl kept commenting on my page and all of that stuff and I was being nice and told her she was pretty and she became obsessed with me, for lack of a better word. This was on myspace. So what I ended up doing was deleting my entire profile. I didnt wanna ignore her, I didnt wanna delete her, so I deleted myself. That was the nicest thing I could do. Or I couldve told her to stop writing me, but I chose to just delete my profile. That way she would just think that I deleted it because I got sick of myspace and not her. I am very aware of people's feelings when they are in that position because I am in that position most of the time. Most of the time I'm being ignored. I haven't been blocked since 2005, but being blocked hurt.

But you know, if these people don't have the decency to tell you what you're doing that's making them not wanna talk or just deleting their profile to save your feelings, then I would just stop talking to them.

Don't label, just act. Don't say "these people aren't worth my time" just go "I'm going to stop talking to this person because he or she is ignoring me or blocking me, or deleting me".

Aspies are often told to label when we are in this position which makes these situations hard on us. People tell us "oh that person is not worth your time" or whatnot, when in reality, should we really put worth on people? No. all we should think about is "this person is ignoring me so I'm going to stop talking to him or her"...the end.

That's what I did 2 days ago when a girl in my class ignored my text message. I didnt label her, I just acted. I never texted her again, and nor did I ask why she didnt reply, nor did I try to talk to her. Because it's obvious she didn't wanna talk to me.

we often label these people as bad people, when a lot of times they are really good people, with little flaws. And people say "F that person" when that person is a really nice person, who just doesnt wanna talk to you.and then you get confused because they are a really nice person, and you wonder what's wrong with you. Thats why I say dont label these people. Just dont ever talk to them again. and dont think about how popular they are, how nice they are, or whatever. because all of that is labels too. They are just a human being who does number 1 and number 2 like the rest of us.

I've a nice new shiny rule when it comes to facebook comments. Especially with old schoolmates whom I don't really see anymore.

1. if they have a nice picture or something interesting, I leave a short comment and leave it at that unless the reply
2. if they leave a comment on my stuff, I send a 'thanks' and ask them a question (what they're doing, where they are.. doesn't really matter).

3. if they reply with an answer, and then a question for me, I respond again, with another question for them.
4. if they reply with just an answer, I take it that the 'conversation' has run it's course and leave it at that until next time.
(if they don't reply full stop, then I just leave it).

Repeat steps 3 until step 4 is reached. I try not to initiate the end of a converstion myself, because I don't want to look abrupt, but I won't keep 'interrogating' people about their lives if they aren't showing interest about mine back.

I think that's fair enough.

Bit rude of your friends and aquaintences to block and delete you though; all they had to do is just ignore you.

My rule is that I do whatever the heck I wanna do. and I don't care about the people's feelings. (I'm talking from the aspie end, not the person doing the ignoring end). I write them a million times and if they dont reply, I dont care how they feel. I just think it's best to not sit around writing these people. or people at all. Just don't write people at all, and focus on your special interest. I know you hear this all the time on wp, but it can do wonders when you stop focusing on socializing and doing your special interest. we are not made to socialize, most of us. so why try it? just know your basic social skills like hi and bye. I don't know any autistic person who is world renowned that got his or her fame or success off of socializing and being charming or whatnot. we should not sell our personalities but we should sell our work. Most people don't like our personalities, let's be real. They may like it when we first meet them, but if we dont share a common interest, our personalities began to become a burden when the relationship gets deeper. so why try? why not sell our work, not our personalities. Even Temple Grandin says that herself.

I read that thread, too... I didn't respond to it because I didn't have anything useful to add. I don't claim that my "rules" always work, or will ever work for anyone else, for that matter, but another tool in the toolbox never hurts....

To some extent, we all have to find our own way to navigate conversation. I just finished reading Look Me In The Eye by John Robison, about his life as an Aspie, and he has a chapter called "Logic and Small Talk" that really cuts to the heart of this issue. He describes, pretty clearly, imo, just how differently Aspies and NTs approach conversation.

you're right. But some NTs hate small talk. My brother and I think exactly the same on many issues. He's NT and he hates small talk. He said people thinks he's an a**hole because he doesn't do that small talk stuff. But then again he knows how to do it and I've seen hom do it comfortably.