How do you make friends with men?

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I know you asked Smudge but I would like to say that my reasons for seeking friendship with men was that they were so much more straightforward than women, and didn't behave in coy or sneaky ways. It was cool having conversations with males who liked to talk about a variety of topics.

Exactly my answer too. And, I feel judged easily by women, because I think I easily offend them. I wish it wasn't that way - I would love to have some women friends who I could tell my secrets to without being judged or the fear that they'll be told to anyone else. There's also the competition thing, which I'm sure accounts for much of the reason why some women prefer to be friends with men.

At the same time though, once you're in a relationship with a man, it's all the other way around. The straightforwardness and lack of sneakiness, that is.

Aussiebloke, are you talking about aspies? I'm not hunting you lot down anymore! But, with my existing friends with AS, I'm keeping those.

Aspies.

Aspies. They all want so much of their own space, and they're often so intolerant, black and white, and one-sided. I have known so few aspies who actually like listening to other people. I've known very few who are actually reliable. One the other day even admitted to me that he kept being late because he was being a jerk, not because of his other problems. That infuriated me.

And I'm supposed to have a boyfriend, who has AS, who should want to see me, but he has problems. He is full of hate, and has absolutely NOTHING nice to say about me. And he wonders why I feel so insecure about the whole relationship.[/quote]

[img][800:625]http://www.gregslens.com/share/NUKE+IT+FROM+ORBIT+_893c1086f2ca17bb1b9ec311ce47861f.jpg[/img]

Last edited by thewhitrbbit on 11 Oct 2012, 3:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't get you, sorry.

^^^^

end the war kill the relationship.

Agreed while your frank and honest assesment was appreciated and probably on the money after your assesment of the aspie men at those meet ups I wouldn't want to meet you or any of the other women around here foe that matter

I know I go on about it though it made me laugh and that hardly ever happens being aspie and all

I'm not sure what you mean by that. I do remember meeting one Aspie guy at a meet-up, but I then met another Aspie guy at another meet-up, and married him last month.

^^^^

Do you have a poor memory? it's been discussed previously , you said the men at the meet ups either "irritated you or aroused your self pity" not all of them it seems

Ah boy, reverse of the question I have often.

I dunno, talk about cars or something. Or motor oil. And make sure to hand a written note saying "Hi, I am not interested in having romantic or sexual relations with you, but I would like to have a platonic friendship." While talking about cars and motor oil and stuff.

No, I don't have a poor memory. Some things just get buried under more interesting stuff along the way! As I recall, I said that one guy there irritated me and/or aroused my pity. He was one of two Aspies that attended until I met a third, my husband.

^^^

thanks for clarifying, I thought it was all of them. I need to pay more attention

I make friends quite easily with the men I work with. To avoid misinterpretations I will often hangout with small groups (2 or 3) guys and do a lunch invite to them as a group. I find its easier to talk them than most NT women as they are more likely to be in to sci-fi, films and sport and things that I am interested in and want to talk about it in the detail that I like, whereas most NT women seem to flit from one social anecdote to another.

However every guy will be different and you cant just assume that all of them will like soccer, cars and that sort of thing. Just find out what they are interested in and talk about that.

Hmmm. I have quite a lot of male friends. Some of them have girlfriends, others don't. How did i befriend them? I don't even really know, it just came naturally.

Say you meet a boy in class that you really get along with. Maybe it's a smart thing to first, rather casually, mention that you have boyfriend. Just like: 'oh yeah, my boyfriend and I did that too one time blah blah blah". So he knows what he's up too. And than you talk about common interests. If you like movies, invite him to go to the cinema one time. A smart thing to do is to invite him with some other friends of yours. (Like: 'yeah, we're gonna see this/that movie tonight, if you don't have anything to do tonight, come )

It's always smarter to ask a boy (that you just want to be friends with and nothing else) to do something with you and some others in the beginning. Later, when the friendships 'deepens' a bit and you know what to expect of eachother, you can do things with just the two of you.

:') get real.

I really like the advice here. I guess I've already done the group thing, and the boyfriend mentioning thing, and they worked! I guess I'm not so bad afterall.

At college - because we all only get a 30 min break and each prefers their lunch at different places, there's obviously not enough time to go to each place. So, I asked the helpful guy if he wanted to go out to lunch with me on our own. While we were sitting in a cafe, I actually burst into tears in front of him, and was crying about my relationship situation. Maybe I shouldn't have spoken about it to an almost stranger, but it was written on my face the whole morning.

He was actually really helpful and honest to me, without putting down my boyfriend (like I've known some guy friends to do) and he actually told me that *I* was in the wrong. I really appreciate that kind of honesty. This helpful guy is NT and talks to everyone, yet isn't a people person (he says). He really made me feel better, and I really appreciated hearing his POV. Anyway, I hope I've made a real friend there.

Who should get real?