do you have aspergers AND good social skills?

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I think Asperger's-Autism Spectrum is some or all of the following:

1) sensory issues,

2) patchy social skills or different social skills,

3) intense intellectual or artistic interests,

4) stimming, and

5) (maybe) meltdowns.

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And I will hold this up against DSM-4!

This one is tricky for me. I've had a lot of therapy, take meds, I'm pretty good socially, and even charming at times, and people tend to like me. But I've had my whole life to develop a sense of humor that I use as a buffer and maybe a way to make interacting interesting. I've got eye to eye issues, posture issues, facial expression issues, but I dunno, people either look past them, or don't notice, or just think I'm a quirky dude.

My psychiatrist says that I probably wouldn't fit the criteria to be diagnosed today, and it's hard to know what about me is genetic, and what is learned behavior from my aspie dad....so... all I know is that I was majorly shy my whole life, sometimes painfully shy, and now you can put me anywhere, and I'll start up a conversation.....and then go home and obsess about it lol

Not really sure and it could be a bit of an oxymoron. If you have Asperger's this should automatically mean you do not know what good social skills are. Although I could see a person with Asperger's being able to put up a good front of having "good social skills." Me I would love to take acting or something and be able to at least appear to have good social skills.

I really think Autism means you're wired up differently.

Social skills might be one aspect of this but only one aspect.

I still do not communicate or socialize like an NT, but I speak and say things better than I used to. I figure that it's because when you get hurt enough times from it, you learn to adapt as best you can. I still get confused and taken by surprised when social interactions I observe or even participate in go off in unexpected ways.

Basically I just socialize better than I did as a child even if I still suck at it compared to being NT.

I kinda of do,but people like me,for some reason.

It's sort of like being deaf but able to hear.

It's really just an endless cycle of thinking I have good social skills to thinking I'm socially awkward and back and forth back and forth.....earlier in the thread I thought I had good social skills, now I'm thinking I'm kinda awkward.......it all depends on how each day goes.....meh

Asperger's pretty much MEANS you have poor social interactions. I'm not sure what do say in regards to the people who learn to essentially become NTs through social skills training, but the no. 1 criterion of Diagnosis is usually social deficit.

I think that's a shortcoming of DSM-4 (or 5), that it neglects to take into account other things which are also important.

If I am out at an event where I do not have someone there that I am close with, I am not so good socially, I aimlessly walk about, bury myself in a plate of food or stand off in a corner, or stand in the middle of a room looking confused. I have learned conversational skills but am still awkward in groups where I don't know someone or have an obvious shared interest. Being in groups is stressful for me and I have a hard time focusing on the many activities and conversations going on. I am much better with one-on-one social skills: my having had kids has been a real life saver in some ways (socially that is). Because at my age so many people have already had kids, it's a topic of conversation that is almost always certain to get people to connect with me, much moreso than my other interests. Everyone loves to talk about their kids or dispense advice about raising them. I have learned through experience what kinds of things offend people and simply don't do them. Experience is a wonderful teacher.

I feel the same way as you...I had pretty bad social skills growing up. I had no idea how to start small talk conversations, didn't know how to keep things going. Most small talk bores me and a lot of times it's with people I don't want to talk to anyways. .I wonder why are they talking to me, I know they don't really care...it's just cause they think they have too.

But I was able to train myself into being more successful in this aspect. Some of the college courses I took were really helpful. And some work situations.

I still have problems reading people, knowing social cues with out planning them out ahead. Knowing what people are thinking, especially about me. Reading faces.....no clue. One of my counselors told me to "fake it until I make it". That strategy has helped somewhat.

I get tired from the work of socializing too. That's why I only have a few, and I mean a few, close friends. I can "get" them or I know I can ask when I don't without offending them or them thinking I'm weird.

I find that wine and ativan work tremendously for me.

I am very strong in some areas of my social skills and shocking at others. I do have some social strengths though.

That's sort of the case with me as well. For instance, I don't feel like I have any real friends at the moment, I think my job has possibly been in jeopardy before partially because of social issues (now it appears that it may be in jeopardy for other reasons ), and it's been several years since I've seen any members of my extended family. On the other hand, I've had a few experiences in recent years of getting into long, in-depth conversations that lasted for hours with people online that I had just barely met. These conversations seemed to make a really favorable impression on the people I was talking to and they seemed to take a strong liking towards me.

Also, as a teenager I had quite a few friends. My house was kind of a hub of activity during those years and I even had some friends living with me at my parents' house for short periods when they were having trouble with their families, etc. That seems like another lifetime ago, as a lot of my adult years so far have been spent basically in isolation. I ended up becoming pretty disillusioned with the social group I had known when I was younger and realized how my social naivete had led to my misjudging the character of certain people I knew and left me open to being disrespected, subtly bullied, etc.