Delayed 'Maturation' - anyone else get this?

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Hi all,

I wonder if anyone else here suffers from delayed 'maturation' - as in, not really a socialization problem but more of reaching 'milestones' later. Like I'm HFA not AS, so it may be different, but...

There are many models of maturation, and I'm going to relate this to Erikson's stages of psychosocial development since they're the best known.

- Industry vs. Inferiority (ages 6-11) Feeling competent, getting good work habits down, forming my own moral values and judgments. I feel that I went through this stage between the ages of 10-16 instead. I experimented with the ideology of Ayn Rand (and then rejected it) and actually realized that school grades were important for my future.

- Identity vs. Role Confusion (ages 12-18) I'm currently ending this stage right now and I'm in my early 20s. I've been caring more and more about how I appear to others, I've found a clique, and an occupational identity. I played with many identities, like even my screen name comes from my 'Super Hardcore Metal Kid' phase. Now, I'm really starting to know who I am, having found the religion and career that best suits me. And not being insecure about either. I can read the Bible or wear something with a cross on it without wondering "does this make me Christian or any way un-Pagan?".

- Intimacy vs. Isolation (ages 19-34) I'm still interested in fitting in and dressing like my friends, but I've also started to date for reasons of "hey, I actually like the guy" instead of "omg, I've got to find a date to the honor society social to fit in". But the idea of relinquishing that part of my ego to where I can really experience love and self-abandonment still scares me. A lot.

I mean, of course Erikson's age ranges don't apply for everyone, but I feel I've reached other milestones later as well. Like caring about the way I look. Now, in my 20s, I appreciate wearing a nice suit and having a haircut, when I would've wanted to wear some crappy jeans a few years ago to deliberately appear 'ghetto'. While my NT friends have been wearing suits since they were little, and loved getting dolled up- I've only begun to realize this pleasure now.

If anyone knows Tim Leary's (no I don't use drugs but I know this concept nonetheless) 8 Circuit Model of Consciousness, I probably still don't have Circuit 4: The Socio-Sexual Circuit activated yet, if you look at Wiki's description: "Imprinted by the first orgasm-mating experiences and tribal “morals”. Concerned with sexual pleasure, (instead of sexual reproduction) local definitions of “moral” and “immoral”, reproduction, nurture of the young etc. This circuit is basically concerned with operating within social networks and the transmission of culture across time."

Indeed, Aspies and Auties probably lack this in general.... considering that we don't give a fig for social networks and a lot of us aren't sexual.

Has anyone else experienced this? Agreements, disagreements? Thanks

I am in a hurry right now to catch a bus to a hotel, so I don't have time to answer these stages. But I will definitely come back to that within the next few days. It sounds very intersting when I glance at it.

I do know, though, that I react like a much younger person. For example, I am still seeking my parents approval, at the age of 29, and also my whole personality tend to be the one of a much younger person. It is hard to point out which it is; but it is just obviously I am "simply" much younger than 29 (probably under 20); if ppl were asked to guess that would they guess anyway, plus it is weird for me to think of myself as 29, that is not how I perceived myself at all. Although part of it is probably that time tend to accelerate when you get older, so I dind't have time to adjust my perceptions of myself.

I'm dealing with this currently with my 13 year old. He is at least three years less mature than his peers, and I try to help him realize when he's acting way too immature so that he won't be teased by his peers. BUT, he is so appealing in his immaturity. I really hate to see him change. I know I'm the Mom, etc., but he's really so nice. Plus, my efforts to try and "hurry up" the maturation process by teaching him what a 13 year old does isn't all that effective.

Eventually he will mature, and catch up to everyone else. But I worry that it will be painful for him in the near future.

I think this is true for me too. According to my mum and my own memories I didn't have any separation anxiety when leaving her at the time you're supposed to have it, but then between about 6 and 10 had it terribly. As a teenager I was totally disinterested in my appearance, and I had absolutely no idea what was going on when the girls in my class discovered boys. Now, at 23, I have also suddenly realised what all the fuss is about. I have also just started started to love lie-ins and want more independence from my parents, so I guess I am becoming a teenager.

From what I read, it's typical for aspies to lag a few years behind NTs in social and emotional maturity. That makes sense, because we have to create cognitive models of things that happen automatically in NTs.

An interesting side effect is that the automatic NT reactions often need to be modified by cognitive checks and balances, and we have an edge on them there, so I think we catch up, maybe in our thirties.

I don't think the 8 Circuit Model applies to us. It's based on primate/human instinctual/intuitive concepts, like the Theory of Mind is. It would be interesting to develop the aspie version of the model, though.

Duke,

I feel that it's not 'creating cognitive models' that's the problem. It's the unbalanced development of intellectual and other 'splinter' skills in many (but not all! auties) just speaking for myself - in favor of other skills. I certainly spent a lot of time drawing and the like when I was small, and got a leg up on others that way. But even when I was forced into learning 'skills' - I've been living on my own much longer than any NT I know - it does not happen.

For me, it's not a social and emotional maturity thing. It's a matter of executive function and integration. I put "" around "maturation" because I feel that a positivist conception of 'growing up' is really colonialist and hierarchical.

And I don't think autistic people are a 'different' species than normal people. 8 Circuit applies to us. I don't think we could develop an 'aspie version', because... I'm autie, not aspie, and I don't know how aspies think from an emic perspective.

~ BlackMetal