Friends and common interests

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Is it just an Aspie thing (or even just a me thing) for friendships to be based around common interests. I've had NTs recommend ways to make friends and when I tell them that I don't have common interests with whichever group they're recommending, they frequently tell me that it doesn't matter if you have common interests and that you can still be friends. For me, this is confusing. My whole life, even long before I knew about Aspergers, friendships have centered around common interests as the sole foundation. From my viewpoint, if someone doesn't want to do the things I like to do or talk about the things that I like to talk about, why would I want to be friends with that person? I don't care how nice they are or anything else (obviously, I wouldn't be friends with a jerk who shared my interests). If I don't have common interests with someone, I can't see a single reason why I'd want to interact with that person.

I wholeheartedly agree with you. This frustrates me so much ! When you don't have common interests with the person you're talking about or if you lose common interests with a friend, interacting will be hard. My interests are very narrow or very weird so even if I do open up to people it's hard to stay in a conversation long.

I really dunno since I'm younger than you and I have less life experience. But if I take a guess, I think you talk about life in general or funny things to make conversation (although I realize now that I lack a sense of humor).

While I am more lenient regarding regular friendships, common interests are an absolute must in romantic relationships.

I'm so emotionally defunct that these are the only friendships I can have. I've never understood the draw of telling someone all of your feelings. It just seems unnecessary and very uncomfortable.

When I was younger, my friendships were mostly based on geography, ie, kids who lived near me, but with whom I didn't share many common interests. Same thing in college, but included others in my classes, ie, common experiences, but not necessarily common interests. Now I guess my friends do come from my actively pursued interest areas. But I can't easily mix friends from different interests (tried it, didn't work very well) and if I taper off an interest, the friendship fades. Since I simply do not like merely hanging out with someone, must instead be actively doing something, I have a pretty high rate of friend turnover these days. Frustrating, but I'm mostly resigned to it now.

I agree that having common interests does help, but this is not the only thing that a friendship is built on. Values are also very important. I could maintain a friendship with somebody that doesn't have many common interests with me if they cared about me, and took an interest in me and treated me like a friend. I would try and find some common interest with them. It would be difficult to have a close friendship with this type of person, but I would respect them and treat them like a friend too, even
though I may not hang out with them on a regular basis. Maybe I could learn something from them, even though they may be different from me.

My main criteria for considering someone a friend is if they take an interest in me, they have good values and treat other's with respect, and show the same respect to me.

Close freindships and relationships may involve more common interests, but they do not necessarily have to be interested in everything that I'm into. Also experiences with people build friendships, this may be an even bigger factor than common interests. I think it takes a mix of values, common interests, experiences, and a little bit of luck to build a close friendship or a relationship.

I just don't see how that would work for me. Maybe it can't. It's similar to when a friend moves away. I'll keep in contact via phone or email for a while but eventually, I just stop because I can't see a reason to continue because, at such a huge distance, it is impossible to participate in events centered around common interests. I'm not the kind of person that calls just to talk.

I agree Bataar. I don't understand how it could work either. What would you talk about? What would you do? Wouldn't you just bore each other?

If your common interest is humor (esp. off-the-wall, quirky humor), it's a surefire way to make some friends!! My best friends and I all share this in common, and, aside from the fact that we all have Asperger's syndrome, it's pretty much the ONLY thing all of us have in common!

If your common interest is humor (esp. off-the-wall, quirky humor), it's a surefire way to make some friends!! My best friends and I all share this in common, and, aside from the fact that we all have Asperger's syndrome, it's pretty much the ONLY thing all of us have in common!

All my friendships are also based on common interests. And most of the time when I do things with my friends it's that common interest. (biking , gym , video games ect..). Sometimes I do go to the restaurant or the rare party. But I rarely just sit down and talk without music or a tv show.

yeah, I've noticed I really can't 'connect' to people that do not share a common interest with. If you have nothing in common, you have nothing in common.

The best friends are friends with common interests

I'll go with the majority and say that I have extreme difficulty making friends with people who don't share a common interest (or five). I've noticed this trend in my friendships for a while now. I don't make friends in classes at school that everyone has to take--math, science, social studies, what have you. I just don't interact with those people. I keep to myself.

I've noticed I get most of my friendlies in my art class, or by associating with my friends' friends. But I can't think of any friends I've made in a core class that everyone is required to take.