Friends that expect you to lie for them.

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OK. This is what happened. One of my friends asked to use me as a reference on a job application. I said yes because I assumed it was for a personal reference NOT a business reference. Well somehow it got confused or he put me in the wrong box or misread the application and now I have his potential employer leaving voicemails asking me questions about what I thought about him as an employee.

He's never worked for me. I was never his employer. I don't answer the calls because I would tell them the truth. That it was a mistake and I'm his friend but he never worked for me (although we have worked together before). I told him a few days ago I wasn't comfortable talking to his potential employer and 'making something up' as he requested me to do. He called again today and insisted that I need to answer the calls because they are getting angry.

I told him that I couldn't make anything up and that he should call them and tell them that he made a mistake on the application and give them appropriate references.

Anyway I'm both annoyed and feel bad that I can't help him as a reference as I'd originally imagined. Plus I'm in the uncomfortable position of being the only reference not to answer the call. I consider him a very good friend for many years and would hate for this to come between that. I'm uncomfortable of being in this position of possibly being blamed if he doesn't get the job. I don't think I'll let anyone use me as reference again.

wow, I guess your avatar express a lot what you are feeling. You friend did wrong here with not explaining from the very beginning in what way he needed you to be referense. If he did then you got the chance to say "no I dont want to participate and contribute with lies". Now its "too late" and he try to force you to take part of his idea, thats of course more wrong from his side...
The most fair way to deal with it is to tell your friend to clean up this mess himself. Meaning he should call the potential employer and say there has been an missunderstanding with leaving you as referense. But this makes him a fool towards them and they might doubt in him and he can risk to loose the job just out of that

One compromise solution could be that you reply the next call. Saying there has been an missunderstanding you was never his employer but you have worked together and then give a good word for him as a person. But I dont know....it still doesnt feel waterproof for your friend to get out of the hook here. They will check his papers and other information and will sooner or later find out that he lied about your position as referense...

Some friend. You have been manipulated into something you never agreed to. If he wanted you for an ACTING job, he should have paid you for that and given you a script.

I hate it when people even ask me to call in sick for them. If you're too sick to call work and tell them, get your nurse to do it.

I think that he didn't mean for the misunderstanding to happen. I assumed it was a for a personal reference and he says that he put me under the personal not the business references on the application. But it's possible that he didnt read the application correctly or the company has a weird policy of calling personal references and asking them employer related questions...

Yeah, I did tell him he should call them and correct it, but as you said, the other two 'personal' references have already answered so now he's in a bad situation. So I don't think I'm going to answer the calls.

He did call me back right as I was posting and wanted to figure out why I wouldn't answer their calls even though I'd told him specifically. I explained again and he seemed OK with it. I told him I could vouch for him as my friend, but I was horrible at 'BSing' so there was just no way I could make up things about being his employer (and it would make me very uncomfortable).

I could answer them and talk about when we worked together, but once again the truth defeats me. He wasn't a very good worker.

I have a pretty responsible job, so several people I know have asked to use me for a reference.

I have always been very clear with people:

1) I will only give a reference when the person has asked me to be a reference, and when the person has told me who they are asking me to provide a reference to. (I usually cite Privacy law as a reason for this).

2) I will not lie or misrepresent our relationship. For example, if they have worked for me as a volunteer, I will make it clear that the work reference I am providing is in relation to work as a volunteer.

In my experience, if you set out the rules ahead of time, people know what to expect from you.

I think that if your friend wants to lie to a potential employer, that's his business. Even giving him the benefit of the doubt - if he made a mistake & wants to lie to cover it up, rather than simply admitting his mistake - it's a dangerous way to start a business relationship. Employers want honest employees.

But to ask YOU to lie to his potential employer is morally wrong. It shows great disrespect for your feelings & your integrity. It also indicates to me that he is more interested in using you to help him get the job, than he is in keeping your friendship.

Plus - when other people want me to lie for them, I will always in the future question whether they ever actually tell ME the truth.