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passionatebach
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02 Feb 2010, 11:54 am

Has anyone ever run into a situation where they have a close friendship with someone, but cannot get along with that friend's SO? How has this impacted your friendship with that person, and how do you deal with the friendship when these type of dynamics are at play? Has the spouse ever talked your friend into dropping the friendship?



ursaminor
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02 Feb 2010, 12:21 pm

Depends. What does SO stand for?



passionatebach
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02 Feb 2010, 12:26 pm

ursaminor wrote:
Depends. What does SO stand for?


An SO is usually somebody's spouse (husband, wife, companion).



ursaminor
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02 Feb 2010, 12:27 pm

I don't understand why the SO would have anything to do with a friendship. Or even worse, talk the friend into dropping the relationship.



rabryst
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02 Feb 2010, 4:27 pm

SO = significant other.

I had a friend at school who was like the brother I never had. We were friends from the ages of 15 to around 27. We spent all our free time together. I made it through all of his relationships, including the one where his girlfriend had to get an abortion (we had a difference of opinion about that one - it turns out I'm pro-life when it's someone I know).

Then he met someone I didn't approve of. I felt that she was way too young for him (mentally speaking). Over time, we disagreed about her, and I referred to her directly as a child. Then when he said he was getting married, I reminded him of our agreement that I would be best man. He told me there would be no speeches at their wedding, so we had a huge fight*.

Now we never speak. There was a misguided attempt at reconnection a few years afterwards, but he was not the same person. It felt like she had taken his spark.

Anyway, as with any relationship I am no longer interested in, he doesn't feature in my frame of reference at all. I cut him off completely. She is happy about this arrangement (as I gather from mutual friends), but he misses our friendship.

--
* They did have speeches at their wedding. Her ex-fiance was his best man. And he called my mother a fat c**t.


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AnnaLemma
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02 Feb 2010, 5:39 pm

Yes. The SO of a male friend was "intimidated" by me (her words). We all used to go hiking together, but she could apparently only relate to other females in a certain way (complaining about job, weight control, health issues). Not my favorite areas of conversation, but I did the best I could to change the subject without dismissing her outright. Eventually she put pressure on him not to get together too often and I guess he caved. Too bad--he was very knowledgeable about several areas I'm interested in and he was an all-around nice guy.


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amazon_television
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02 Feb 2010, 6:43 pm

If someone's SO is the type of person that "chooses" who they can and can't associate with, they should see that right off as a pretty big red flag about where the relationship is eventually going. If the person in question is too dense to understand that, they will live and learn eventually. It is of no consequence to me.

On the other hand, if the SO is someone that you, as the friend on the outside, simply do not see eye to eye with, that can be tricky but it's definitely not insurmountable.


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