My Aspie Best Friend's Behavior

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I have been having some qualms with my Apsie best friend's behavior here lately. Even though I have AS, I cannot see his reason for doing things the ways that he does.

I have tried for years to get him involved with groups that I feel would fall in his interest areas. For example, one of my friend's special interests is world politics. I have tried for years to get him involved in a UN group in town that deals with world politics. I know a number of these people from church and political circles. Albeit, they are older, but I think they would like my friend once they got to know him. I have tried other avenues for him to get involved with aspects of his interests, but I have had little or no luck. The only thing he takes an interest in socializing is through dating sites on the internet to meet a female companion. He will drive a few hundred miles to a strange big city to meet a girl that he does even know, but I can't seem to get him involved in groups in his own community. He will then turn around a few months later and complain how this person dumped him. This behavior scares me personally, and I have tried to explain to him my qualms, but to little avail. I also understand that he has anxiety and depression along with his AS.

Does anyone have any answers as to why he acts this way? Why would someone not want to socialize in their own community with tolerant and understand people, but will meet someone that they don't know, other than through internet contact in a city a few hours away?

It's nice that you're trying to include him, but I think it's time to stop banging your head against a wall. He doesn't seem too interested in joining a group, just in pursuing romantic interests. Some people are like that.

It's not really your place to push someone to attend a group they seem disinterested in.

Looking at your age I'll assume your friend is also an adult, in which case you cannot do much about the dating. Just make sure he goes about this safely.

People with AS have varied interests, sometimes interests that conflict the uninteresting things.

As for me, I hate sports, but I bowl. I don't like socializing in person, but I have no problems doing it online.

People with AS are wierd, I'll give you that, but your friend may have other interests that you don't really get.

This post is spoken from experience.

My guess as to why your friend will go way out of his way to meet up with an internet companion, but won't attend a social gathering in person is because with the friend from the internet, acceptance has already been obtained, at least somewhat. He already knows that person finds him interesting, and wants to meet him. It's also one on one contact, which is less confusing than trying to socialize with a whole group of people at once.

I'm not sure what you can do about it, though. I'm really not keen on meeting groups of people, even if they do share a common interest with me. The only aspie group I've been to was a meet up that I could view on-line first, and think about it for a very long time.

I do not think the two forms of socialization are equal.

He wants a girl and will go through great lengths to meet one.

He likes politics, and doesn't care to talk with a bunch of people about it.

I understand this perfectly.

I have interests that I have no interest in talking to people about. Especially ones where I'm not 'into it' for the reasons that people usually are. And maybe he has more of an interest in personal/more-intimate sorts of conversation than talking politics.

Many of these comments are things that I never have thought of.

He usually is pretty open with me about his special interests, I thought he might be open with others. My friend also has an obsession with acting normal. When I asked him about the chasing around to meet women, he told me it was because "normal young people do it". This is the same friend that likes ameteur radio as well, but uses it as a conduit to listen to emergency calls and radio. I have gotten after him, to no avail, about going to the scenes of police calls. I have told him that this is a dangerous activity and could get him arrested, hurt or killed. He keeps on doing it and just shrugs any advice off. I have tried to get him involved in an ameteur radio club, or to take criminal justice classes to satisfy his obsession.

Maybe it has to do with the excitement and suprise of the interest, much rather than the nuts and bolts type things.

In your post, you never said that your friend is unhappy or that he specifically wants to have more friends or conversations related to his special interest(s).
Why is it then that you feel the need to get your friend involved in all sorts of groups and activities? And why keep trying if he has already shown many times that he is not interested?
I understand that you are worried about him when he does something that might be dangerous, like visiting the scene of a crime or driving to a city alone to meet a stranger. But I can't fathom why you are troubled because he is not involved in the groups you think are appropriate for him?

(If you want him to join the groups to distract him from the other activities you don't like, then perhaps it's time to change tactics, as he clearly isn't responding to these ones. If you want him to join these groups because you feel like he should want to be involved, then perhaps it's time to just sit back and let him do what makes him happy - and it doesn't look like these groups are what he wants.)

Other posters have discussed reasons why he might be more at ease meeting a one-on-one contact from the Internet, or why the groups might not appeal to him at the moment, so I won't waste your time by repeating their points. I just thought I would ask why it was so important to you that he be involved in these groups? It doesn't seem like it is important to him. I know that if a friend tried repeatedly to get me to do things that didn't interest me, it would probably start to bother me after a while (and I don't want this to happen to you and your friend).