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NegativeNancyboy
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30 May 2010, 4:17 pm

I suppose I have always been very affectionate in a serious relationship, but just recently I realized I would really like to be more physically affectionate with regular friends and such, too (Right now I am pretty much zero touching with friends). I think I never acted on this before because I was terrified of making a mistake...and when it comes to touching someone else, the stakes seem so much higher.

So it dawned on me today that this could partially be AS related -- the worry about social cues?

How affectionate are you? And how do you think AS may have affected that?


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Michhsta
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30 May 2010, 4:27 pm

I am not affectionate at all and find physical contact quite painful at times, but nice firm hug from my fiance or an arm draped across my shoulders from a mate that doesn't linger is fine with me and can give me a great feeling of togetherness. But that is all I need. My fiance is very affectionate which is a good lesson for me and he accepts that I am not. I am a very warm person though and like to try and comfort people if they are sad or sick.

I am not sure about how much is AS(I have meltdowns if my head is touched) or remnants of a nasty childhood. I used to beat myself up that I was not as affectionate as others, and felt that I was missing some core expression of the human condition, but I am getting there with accepting that that is just how I am.

I am practising crying a bit more and asking for hugs a bit more. It can be quite liberating.

Good luck and love yourself anyway,

Mics


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PlatedDrake
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30 May 2010, 5:47 pm

Im not very physically inclined either due to sensory issues (light touches feel like someone sticking my finger in a power outlet . . . especially around my back <shiver>). A lot of our nuances could be attributed to sensory actually since we're taking in, or not filtering, constant environment information (light, sound, touch are the three big ones, followed by smell, then taste). Bout the best you can do is wear ear plugs and sunglasses and hope for the best when out and about.



auntblabby
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30 May 2010, 11:23 pm

i suppose if i had people in my life who valued and appreciated me, i'd be affectionate with them. i crave warm fuzzies meself.



CockneyRebel
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31 May 2010, 5:59 pm

I'm a very affectionate person. I love to give and receive hugs. I also like appropriate touching, as well. :O)


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31 May 2010, 7:05 pm

I would say I'm kinda affectionate, but I don't like people just randomly hugging/poking/touching me without saying they will first. And I also am horrible with my friends touching me. Usually its just my arms and hair that people poke at, but I really cant take that. I really wish I could be more affectionate, but I guess I really just dont know how to be lol.



clumsybee
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31 May 2010, 8:34 pm

I'm not really good with being affectionate in any sense of the word. Certain touches can really hurt, but I didn't know that could be from Asperger's. I thought it was just from my fibromyalgia. Huh... having both together can't help the sensory issues. :?

This reminds me of a long time ago... I remember a friend tried showing me how to flirt and it involved her playing with her hands the entire time in OCD fashion, at least that's what I thought. She tried explaining to me all the signs of affection but I really didn't get it. Others also commented that I was awful at the personal space aspect of flirting along with everything else. It all makes sense now, but my senior class still thinks I'm a freak after the news spread. :alien:



Descartes
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31 May 2010, 10:16 pm

How affectionate I am depends on the person I'm with, I guess. I don't mind hugging friends, and I don't mind touching either. I'm probably more physically affectionate than I am emotionally.



GoatOnFire
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01 Jun 2010, 1:44 am

I affectionately readjust the gag on the mouth of whatever friend I have locked in my trunk if it is making them uncomfortable.

But seriously, I'm not good at giving affection. I don't really receive any so I'm not sure how well I would take it.


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MONKEY
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01 Jun 2010, 7:09 am

Not very. I don't usually give affection to people, I can receive it without much hassle. But I don't like hugs that much, I don't like touchy feely people that much, I will hug someone back if they initiate but I don't usually like it and give a "huglet" with one arm and that's it. I'm not too bad with touches though, I'm fine if someone puts their hand on my shoulder as long as the touch isn't prolonged, I prefer quick ones.
I've always been reluctant to touch other people and I'm quite awkward when it comes to stuff like that.
I don't give much verbal affection either like reminding people how much I like them, even if my feelings for that person are very affectionate.


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Ferdinand
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01 Jun 2010, 8:53 am

CockneyRebel wrote:
I'm a very affectionate person. I love to give and receive hugs. I also like appropriate touching, as well. :O)


*hug*

I love hugs.


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sarek
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01 Jun 2010, 9:00 am

I am not a hugger at all. I makes me uncomfortable, also among friends.

The only exceptions are my closest loved ones. Just my mum and my gf actually.

Especially with my gf I am extremely affectionate. We live far apart and whenever we are together there is barely a single minute we are not touching in some way.


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Homer_Bob
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01 Jun 2010, 8:09 pm

Not very much, the reason is because I really have no reason to be affectionate with anyone.


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marshall
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01 Jun 2010, 9:38 pm

I find it easier to be affectionate with animals. They're easy to please. I can quickly learn exactly how a dog or cat likes to be petted/held. People intimidate me for some reason, even little babies.



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03 Jun 2010, 5:22 am

I'm not terribly physical either, although I'm getting better at hugs. I'm currently taking some ballroom dancing lessons with some friends of mine and although we're friends, holding hands with a girl and standing that close to her is...um...uncomfortable. :oops:

And that's even without having to look her in the eyes... :lol:



Malachi_Rothschild
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03 Jun 2010, 8:40 am

I am very affectionate with my fiance. I don't like light touch or surprise touch. When I am overstimulated being held and rubbed helps. I like hugging other people too but I find the act of engaging in the hug very uncomfortable and awkward.