Here are some things I have figured out to keep my stress from overwhelming me when I interact with people.
1, Research a little before going into the situation.
If you're taking classes, look up your professor online to see what they're like and what their areas of study are. If you're volunteering or working, make a big point of visiting the group's website. Even if you're just going to a student club, look over their flyers carefully and discretely hang around near their meeting room before going in, in order to get an idea of what the meeting may be like.
2. Observe before talking.
Watch how the other people interact before joining them. It might earn you trouble in the short term because you're "too quiet", but it's good in the long term. Mostly you are seeing how formal or informal your interaction should be. If people have to raise hands to speak, and talk quietly, and don't curse or use slang, follow that. If they are rowdy, try to be a little louder and more animated, but keep in mind that going far out of your usual style might make you look foolish.
3. Remember to smile on occasion and make eye contact on occasion.
This is especially important if you're meeting folks for the first time. You don't have to have a big grin on your face the whole time, or stare folks down, but it's good to look people in the face as you make a particular point, and to smile when making a joke. It is also good to look at people as they speak. You can often get away with looking in their direction, or at their mouth or forehead instead of their eyes. If you don't smile at all, you might think this is just being neutral, but other people will think you're sad, or angry, or snobby.
4. Remember to say "Hello" and "Sorry" and "Thanks".
People get really pissy if you don't, even if you think it's obvious that you care for them. Lots of people today neglect to say these things and you'll come off as very respectful. Even if you live with someone, you should say "hello" to them when you see them for the first time in the morning, and after they return from work. If you have a classmate who likes to talk to you, you should say "hello" to them when you meet them, and try to look at them and smile. They might get upset with you if you don't, but if you do, you might make a good friend.
5. Walk with your head up, in brisk strides, looking forward.
People are vastly less likely to bother you if you seem to have a place to go and know how to get there. Wandering around slowly, with your head down, attracts strangers who want to pick on you, or who ask if you're lost. If you see a rowdy group of people, don't stare or slow down, just avoid them. Rowdy groups are more likely to bully you than solitary people.
6. If you're getting overwhelmed, step aside for a moment and do something that calms you down.
This might mean going outside of a crowded lecture, or heading to the bathroom, or walking away from a noisy protest. Head to a place that's quieter and less crowded. You can rub your change between your fingers, or draw, or count, or whatever it is that you do to calm down. If you still feel bad, and it's not absolutely necessary for you to be there, feel ok about leaving. Don't beat yourself up over it, because staying and having a meltdown would be a lot worst than leaving. It would make other folks upset and maybe get you into trouble.
7. Mentally prepare things to say and possible responses and questions before your interaction.
Think back on past interactions with a friend or classmate for what got a positive response, and what made them yell or cut off an interaction with you. Based on past interactions with your friend and similar situations with others, try to come up with several questions you can ask and several responses you can make during a conversation, so you don't get caught saying nothing. If your friend really likes a band, maybe ask them about the latest news on the band, or share some new info you learned about them.
11 Jun 2010, 4:32 am
