Why do so many aspies want friends?

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what does friend mean to you
a word so wrongfully abused
are you like me confused
all included but you

I need somebody to relate to. If I don't have at least one person who understands me and enjoy some of the things I like to do, I feel like I'm in a self made box watching everyone and not experiencing what I think they are experiencing. That's where I am now in my life.

I used to get along with my grandparents very well. They moved away and one has died this January. I used to get along with my sister. She moved to Europe.

I could be with them and be myself and it felt good. I could laugh.... really laugh around them. I don't think I ever found a friend that I felt comfortable around, although I crave it. Or even another family member or significant other.

I like my time by myself. My hobbies are very enjoyable to me and I get engrossed in them but they don't make me laugh out loud. I don't like to always be alone.

Ugh! So hard to explain. Sorry.

I need the friends I have. I get terribly neurotic if I don't have a real conversation with at least one of them in a couple weeks' time.

I think that socially interacting w/ others is essential especially if you're away from your family. It doesn't make sense for one to remain alone forever, and it's boring. You might miss out some things. We need friends for emotional support and to add a little enjoyment into our daily lives. If it's impossible for you to play tennis, basketball, or chess, by yourself for instance then you find a friend who'd love to do those activities with you. Like some of you, I have the desire to be socially accepted.

Friends are very important and i like having friends however meeting people you can be friends with, people you connect with is much more difficult. I couldn't and wouldn't want to be in certain types of friendships. I don't like having very close contact with friends all the time, i don't like going out and find pubs and clubs both tiring, boring and problamatic sensory wise. I'm not superficial and couldn't have a friendship built on gossip or shopping. I need to share an interest with my friends, some mutual enthusiasm.

These things aren't easy to come by and therefore i have few friends. I spend a lot of time with my family, because they accept me the way i am and i can relax with them. Friendship so much more difficult to negotiate and often i just don't. My closest friend at teh moment i haven't spoken too in weeks.

But when i lived alone i did used to think, if i died i wouldn't be found for weeks. I used to feel like a had fallen of the edge of the planet because i could go days without speak to another person.

And maybe thats why you need friends....so you don't fall of the edge of the planet.

Meeting people has been easy for me in school and other places, but socially connecting to them is much more of a different story. It's also hard to seek the right people to become friends with because they could be involved in things that may not seem right to you (e.g. stealing, doing illegal drugs).

I like the friends I have. Would be hard if I lost them

I want and need friends so that I can be around people who accept me the way that I really am. As a Bus Lover who likes the 1950s and 60s.

I tend to make friends although it is hard but it is hard to keep them I think the is an AS thing. At the moment I have a group of four friends and we catch up about once a month for coffee.

even though i could spend months alone, or have no contact with people even i get lonely sometimes. i think its just natural for people to want to have friends.

In response to the title question: Many of the aspies you encounter online are creepy perverts who are trolling for sex partners under the guise of "looking for friends."
I think that just about answers it.

Yeah, it is a natural. Friendship and intimacy are the norms we've been taught in this society. It's not healthy for us to be remain lonely for so long.

Ah, that gets to the heart of the tension...

Is it natural, or are we only taught it's natural?

Would many of us be happier is society taught that it's ok to have the number and depth of friends that you felt like? I was certainbly pushed into degrees of socialising I did not want or like. It may not be healthy not because of the act itself as much because of society's disapproval of people whose preference lies this way.

Or have I just found too many contacts over-emotional, exploitative, boring... just because I've never learned the right way to do it, or enjoy it?
Or am I "wired weird" by "normal" standards?
And if so, is that a disease, or "just the way I am"? One to be treated and cured, one to be noted and adapted to.

I don't have a conventional friend. What I would like is someone who I can talk about on things I am interested in re: the things I am interested in on the level I talk about them. I have members of my family that have interests in those area but they are only "skin deep." After a certain amount of talking, they get tired of it. They don't want to analyze anything like I do. I have a friend online who I can talk to and that helps. But mostly I just sound off against myself. I can get alot through that but only so much. I have had two people in the past I have talked to about my interests so there must be more somewhere.

Why do I want friends? It's not the social expectation or the idea of friends. I feel lonely... I want to feel like somebody cares about me, would care if I was gone, or needs me. There have been times in my life when my cat was the only one filling this slot...I knew he was waiting for me to come home, and that's why I made it home. My family helps a lot... but at the same time, I know they are there because they have to be there. With a friend, you know they are there because they like you and find something valuable in you, not because they are related to you.

A friend is somebody you can trust and be more like yourself around, and that's another reason I feel like I need them. I don't like superficial relationships, and I rarely know how to act with these people who aren't really my friends and don't care about me. They never want to talk about anything "deep" as they call it. If I analyze something to try to understand it better they say I am thinking about it too hard. It's an exhaustion just being around these people and trying to act "normal" which seems like a waste of time anyway. I can't relax around them. Often when I do start to try to be friends with someone, get to know them better, and start to relax and "be myself," they don't like what they see anyway. It makes them uncomfortable and they want to go back to the shallow acquaintanceship that is such a strain.

Because of this, unfortunately, even when I do make friends I have to hold back a certain amount and not relax entirely. I find myself being afraid that if I do really let go, they will realize they don't like me. This has happened in the past at times when I got really emotional over something in front of a friend and it was like a warning signal went off for them and they started distancing themselves. It always gets to a certain point where people start to know me too well and then it seems they get scared... I really don't think I can ever let anybody know me entirely because they won't be able to take it.

when John Donne penned "no man is an island", he hit the nail squarely on the head. we as humans, are designed to socialize and interact. which is why i dont understand why God to allow such a disorder to be created that made otherwise normal humans all but unable to make friends.

aspergers is worse than cancer, worse that alzheimers, worse than retardation, worse than being crippled. all of the latter i just mentioned dont make it impossible to have friends.

despite being given a mild case of what has to be the worst disorder on the face of the planet, i manage to cope. thanks be to god for what he has given me.