Creepy appearance

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tomhead
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15 Sep 2010, 6:42 am

goatboy wrote:

Creepy:
indecisive "hovering" on the outside of a conversation. it's better to barge in a bit than to hang back. (weird I know).
smiling a lot for no or very little reason (incomprehensible emotional state)
not smiling enough (looks like you're hiding something)
being too hesitant all the time (girls especially wonder what you're hiding that's so bad you are hesitant about it)
being "just there" but not doing or saying anything can get creepy after a while
trying to force an emotional state on someone else that you don't feel yourself [eg forced chuckles at the end of jokes]
saying things to yourself or under your breath or trying to pass them off "as an aside"
being too questionning and/or hesitatnt
asking for info before sharing your own
being physically forceful in any way
poor eye contact (looks untrustworthy, like you're scared to be seen for what you are)

Women especially find reserved/hesitant/unknown to be creepy. "Hi, I think you're sexy" is fine, "err... ummm... hi...err..." can be creepy. Overt is fine. Too reserved isn't. Low confidence is creepy.
It's really unfair how self-reinforcing this gets:
Positive response from people -> more direct and confident in future -> less creepy -> positive response in future
Negative response from people -> more hesitant and reserved in future -> more creepy -> negative response in future

Break the cycle

This is quite brilliant.

Cheers,

TH

nekowafer
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Joined: 19 Jun 2008
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15 Sep 2010, 7:28 am

nick007 wrote:

Lots of people think I look creepy because of things I have no control over. I have an extremly cr@ppy body :cry:

I had really bad acne as a kid & I have lots of scars on my face as a result. I also have problems shaving my face because I have bad vision, bad motor skills & tremors. I can NOT do a perfect shave job. I can get my parents to help for something important like a job interview or & social function but the rest of the time I just do the best I can & it's NOT perfect. I also have some scares on my upper left arm from slashing myself 7 years ago. I don't like wearing long sleeved shirts because it's usually very hot & humid here. Short sleeves cover em but people might notice after a while depending what I'm doing with my arms. If anyone ask; I tell em I feel against a board that had some nails sticking out of it; my dad does work in carpentry so that was the best thing I can come up with. I'm also losing the hair on my head & I guess I could try shaving it or getting a tupe(SP) or something but I don't think I should have to,

People also think I'm creepy because of my facial expressions. I find weird things funny sometimes & even thou I'm not laughing I still smirk or grin when others think it's inappropriate. I cant display the "correct" emotions on my face. Also when I'm nervous or stressed out; my tremors act up & I also occasionally stutter or slur when I'm very nervous. I would need a different body to have a shot at not coming off as creepy. I kind of accepted that I'm a creep. It's probably partly why I've been unable to get a girl-friend

Have you tried using an electric razor? This should be able to help you, as you won't be able to hurt yourself with it, and you can go over the same spot as much as needed without irritating your skin.

As for scars - look for scar creams. They will not fix everything, but if you use them every day, they can lessen the intensity of the scar and make it look a lot older. Then you can make up some awesome story about fighting off a tiger or something!

And as for facial expressions. This is tough for most people in this forum, of course. But I think one thing that can really help is practicing them in the mirror. When you're getting ready in the morning, or shaving, or whatever, practice smiling. Look up a few pictures online for a nice, calm smile. Mine is closed lips, lopsided, kind of a grin. I've practiced this for pictures, and for dealing with people. When I smile with all my teeth showing, I look ridiculous, and I did not notice this for the longest time. So the time looking in the mirror really helped. If you have to, take pictures and see if someone can help you choose one that will work for you in most occasions. The idea is to let it show in your eyes as well - so try not to think too hard while doing it. Once you get it down you will always be able to fake a smile.

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Peko
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15 Sep 2010, 7:29 am

nick007 wrote:

Lots of people think I look creepy because of things I have no control over. I have an extremly cr@ppy body :cry:

If a lot of it it your looks/mannerisms you could try shaving your head completely & face with an electric razor (I found they're easier to handle than regular ones) and trying to feel which way your facial muscles tend to move to try and work to control it. But don't expect the muscle thing to get under control quickly; I've still got issues with it.

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nick007
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15 Sep 2010, 11:25 am

I tried electric razors before but I do a worse job with em; they don't get as close & spots like my chin are messier. I've talked to dermatologist before about the scars a couple years ago when I was going because of skin allergies & their ain't much they can do; maybe If I had lots of money to spend I could get major cosmetic surgery but I don't have much money. I've tried scar cream out for a while & didn't do nothing. I'll have to try that advice about facial expressions thou. My friends tend to be on the creepy side & I'm not just talking about their looks but their personalities. I never got along well with normal people thou even as a kid.

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nekowafer
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15 Sep 2010, 11:29 am

nick007 wrote:

Try Vitamin E oil (cheap at Wal Mart) and massage it into the scar every day for 5 minutes. It may seem like it's not doing much, but it will break down the scar tissue. I've used this on old piercings and they look SO much better. Just don't give up. It might feel soothing, as well.

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deadeyexx
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17 Sep 2010, 3:06 pm

Being creepy means that you are:
A. a precieved threat (unfriendly) and
B. not easily figured out or dealt with

Both can be countered with an introduction and talking more

corroonb
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17 Sep 2010, 3:58 pm

I don't particularly care if anyone finds me creepy. I find people making subjective judgments about the worth of others based only on "intuition" to be creepy. I may not behave in a typical way and I can't be bothered to fake it, this does not make me creepy. I don't move slowly with my body close to the ground. As far as I'm concerned the word is an insult aimed at hurting those people who don't conform to the narrow expectations of the so-called "normal" person.

emlion
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17 Sep 2010, 6:36 pm

Maybe you're a psychopath. People naturally find psychopaths creepy. :twisted:

cleo
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17 Sep 2010, 7:02 pm

Great suggestions, I can only reinforce them.

People simply can't tell from your demeanor or facial expression what your intentions are, and they find that scary. Smiling is to reasure them you mean them no harm.

Smile, smile and smile until it hurts. In front of a mirror. Yes. I did.

Talk to the mirror. Look at that person and talk like it's a stranger.

See what you look like. If you have a digital camera, or camera phone, take your photo. Put it up on the computer and you'll look 'real'. Not the reverse image you see in the mirror.

The eye contact thing is HARD. This is my format I try to follow: Look in their eyes while they talk (not down at the floor), occaisionally letting your eyes look down or to the side for a couple seconds (like you're thinking about what they are saying), then back. Focused, but without constant staring. Remember to blink. (am I weird, or what?! LOL!)

One Aspie friend of mine (I don't know if I do this???) tends to walk up and get RIGHT TO THE POINT. It's unsettling for people and I can see how they look at him. Ex; "I need that thing you are standing in front of." Straight face, no expression.

It's better to talk some banter too. "Hey, how's going? blah, blah, blah. *smile smile* I really hate to interupt, but I've got to get that widget behind you or my boss is going to kill me." *rolls eyes*

This takes years for some of us. Good luck!

Mike1
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17 Sep 2010, 7:14 pm

...

Last edited by Mike1 on 23 Sep 2010, 7:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Synecdoche
Toucan
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18 Sep 2010, 12:54 am

You know, after thinking about it, I have been "creepy" in situations as well.

Though, I've adapted a little bit better but it's still hard to talk to others without feeling judgment. It does make me feel great when I'm talking to a girl and she smiles and asks me how I'm feeling or how my day went. No one really asks me that. It's just unfortunate that I don't know how to respond.

Sean_91
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18 Sep 2010, 1:27 am

goatboy wrote:

This is all very true for me. For me, some of these perceptions are due to sensory issues.

The latest incident of someone being creeped out unintentionally was yesterday. The bus that I take to get downtown to transfer after class at the college came late once again. I sat in the very back of the bus to prevent potential sensory overload. The sound of the engine on the buses is usually very calming and relaxing from my perspective. Anyway, this girl widened her eyes in fear after noticing me sitting there. It didn't help much that I missed my transfer downtown for the second time this week. I had to wait an hour to catch the bus I need to get home.

The last two lines of the quote apply to me greatly. Positive responses from other people in a certain place really brings out my personality to other people in that place. Negative ones, especially those in public and at the college, result in increased communication difficulties and the chance of making new friends is very low. This is something I have found out about myself in the past few months.

The only good thing about coming across as "creepy" is that bullies are much less likely to target you.

nick007
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18 Sep 2010, 8:51 pm

cleo wrote:

People simply can't tell from your demeanor or facial expression what your intentions are, and they find that scary. Smiling is to reasure them you mean them no harm.

If people think you are creepy before they see you smiling; they might think you are ready to harm em. When people think you look kind of like a child-molester or a serial-killer; smiling freaks em out more

CaptainTrips222
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19 Sep 2010, 4:35 pm

nick007 wrote:

cleo wrote:

People simply can't tell from your demeanor or facial expression what your intentions are, and they find that scary. Smiling is to reasure them you mean them no harm.

If it's not natural, certainly it can.

CaptainTrips222
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20 Sep 2010, 6:05 pm

Peko wrote:

Also, every creeper I've met I'm certain does not have a spectrum diagnosis :wink:

. Its NOT an AS trait

You can't know that.....

Major_G
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29 Sep 2010, 12:50 pm

goatboy wrote:

It's really unfair how self-reinforcing this gets:
Positive response from people -> more direct and confident in future -> less creepy -> positive response in future
Negative response from people -> more hesitant and reserved in future -> more creepy -> negative response in future

Break the cycle

Exactly. I wish more people would realize that this is the logical progression.

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