Page 1 of 1 [ 8 posts ] 

Jamesy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,655
Location: Near London United Kingdom

28 Feb 2011, 7:01 pm

My brother said to me in regards to my communication skills

When you talk it just does not sound natural
i cannot really talk to anyone
i am very awkward when talking

How can i fix this problem



sandrana
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 134

28 Feb 2011, 9:05 pm

Jamesy wrote:
My brother said to me in regards to my communication skills

When you talk it just does not sound natural
i cannot really talk to anyone
i am very awkward when talking

How can i fix this problem


Do you have any idea why you feel so awkward when talking? For example, are you nervous about talking to certain people, or do you have a hard time coming up with words? (I describe myself as a slow thinker; I don't really mind talking to people, but they often seem impatient and won't let me get the words out at my own pace, which bugs me and distracts me even more) Or maybe you don't use tone and inflection the way people are used to? Speaking too loudly could sound aggressive or overly excited, speaking too softly might make you sound uncertain.

Is it any better for you if you're in a situation where you have a good idea of what the conversation will be (like going to the post office and having to ask for stamps, versus a freeform conversation with a neighbour)?

A friend of mine loves to say "if you can measure it you can manage it". I think to a certain extent this is true, and that if you can identify details about the nature of your problem(s), you'll be better able to start addressing them.



Jamesy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,655
Location: Near London United Kingdom

28 Feb 2011, 9:16 pm

Well are you suprised given that i read things on this site directed towards me saying "Socalising and communication will never come naturley to you" :roll:

It just puts me under more pressure to try and say the right thing and everytime i go out with my mates its just painful becuase i try so hard to say the right things in the right pace and what i say is often ill received by my friends.



sandrana
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 134

28 Feb 2011, 10:51 pm

I don't know lots about AS, I've just been diagnosed this year, but I know from my own assessment that what other people say can only describe their own experiences, or what they believe to be true based on what they've observed in others. No one but you can say what you are or aren't capable of. We may have more challenges in communicating and interacting, but they aren't necessarily insurmountable.

You might find that hanging out with one friend is easier to deal with than hanging out with a bunch; if you have known one (or more) of them for any length of time and feel comfortable with them, maybe you could ask them to give you some honest feedback in the interest of helping you understand.

An alternative is to try to find an AS group in your area; I'm going to be meeting with some AS folks soon, and I think it'll be a really good learning opportunity for me. It seems a little weird, I'm not sure what to expect from a gathering of socially impaired people, but it can't be any worse than immersing myself in a gaggle of non-aspies, can it? :)



Jamesy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,655
Location: Near London United Kingdom

01 Mar 2011, 9:42 am

Yeah but really i'd rather improve my skills with non autistic people. none of my friends are autistic......



Moog
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Feb 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 17,671
Location: Untied Kingdom

01 Mar 2011, 10:51 am

That's not much to go on. Ask him to expand on his comments.


_________________
Not currently a moderator


Wolfheart
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,971
Location: Kent, England

01 Mar 2011, 6:29 pm

I can relate to what you're saying, the words inside your head don't seem to sound as great when they are expressed or you have trouble showing variation in your tone and body language which leads to being misjudged, you feel awkward because you don't know the fine line between what's appropriate and what isn't.

I'd say the best thing to do is try to engage in brief small talk with random impartial people. You may feel nervous about it but it will help you to build comfort in socialising, join a gym, join a group or club that shares a common interest or passion rather than one that focuses on the people in the group. Read the news, learn to talk about what is relevant rather than always talking about sensitive personal issues. Learn to engage people at a brief shallow level and build a level of comfort before engaging deeply. Slowly take babysteps in building up your confidence and social awareness, you will break a few social rules and face rejection but you have to remember, it will be more productive than doing nothing at all to change.



Jessi_in_wonderland
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 9 Aug 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 273
Location: Honolulu

02 Mar 2011, 3:37 pm

Maybe if you talk about something that you love, or that you know alot about, the way you speak will seem less awkward.