Do Apsies emit pheromones that anger NTs?

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Happens to me all the time. Seems there's a whole sub-level of communication we're not in tune with. Like if I make a sarcastic comment or joke, it often comes off mean-spirited. I can't figure out how NTs can pull it off and be charming.

I think with me my awkwardness makes people uncomfortable. They are not sure how to react and this makes them not want to be around me as much. I can understand this because nearly everyone makes me uncomfortable and I do not like it.

I think this is the problem for most aspies. I think even when I'm acting in a socially normal way there are always subtle hints to the NTs I'm really awkward. People are rarely mean to me, rather I make them uncomfortable and they ignore me. Lately my boyfriend and I have been having problems with the fact he thinks I'm insulting him all the time when I think I'm just being critical of his flaws in a non-rude way and I can't understand how to say things about him that upset me without him thinking I'm insulting him. I ask him to explain how others can criticize without it being so personal but I just don't get it. I'm missing somee level of communication.

The "how you say" includes a very difficult activity that has to be learned.
It is difficulot for NTs, I can imagine how much more difficult it is for aspies.

AND modern day 'techno commo' (e-mail, text,ect) only maikes t more difficult;

I've heard it as "intonation" . . .there is another word,,,I don't remember it . . .

Deals with tone of voice, 'modulation'of voice. . . .
. . .How can I say "the voice, not just the words, carry 'emotion'
You fall down, scrape you knee,
. . I can ask " are you OK"
. . . .but in one voice, it can 'sound' like I care about "you" and your wound.
. . . in another voice, I can sound like "I don't know you", and wondering if your situation will interupt my plans ( please remember I ,from reading about yaz, know that you do care about my wound, would help me , etc, but the ' voice ' doesn't carry that emotion)

I think my issue is my very non conformist and contarian ideals. I tend to say things most people don't agree with and most people label as cruel and wrong.

I have the same problem with being critical a lot especially with my family. When I make a comment or ask a question they assume I'm trying to b e rude & start an argument. We end up having lots of arguments as a result. They complain that I don't talk about things or give my opinions but when I do they accuse me of being hateful

Why be 'critical' of family , or anyone ?

examle:

You have n 'observation' of how the other person dresses, talks, eats, things they like, etc,

You feel the need to verbalize you observation
- why ? I don't know
- - -I would recomend just have the obervation, do not ask

BUT if the compulsion to verbalize is overwhelming
THEN is where the problems 'start' . . .

( another part of the problem : I 'think (not sure) that aspies have problems putting words to emotions or opinions)

Rather than critizing the other person, tel them "what you do not like"

I go back to the picnic.....
- he says : I'm a bad cook, food is bad
- but what he meant the food is not to his liking (seasoning, etc)

- - - - -

As for telling jokes, being socialbe : besides the inflection in the vioce,
there's the whole body language . . .and its a tough one that takes
a 'life time' to learn . .

I can only 'sort of' example :
- someone does something that bothers you a bit .not much . . .just a bit
. . .a small joke, in 'my' opinion . . .maybe move you dinner plate, mouse pad,
. . . something little and silly
- you could say, in a "happy voice" ( like someone just gave you something you like)
AND with a 'smile' on face, maybe a little head bobbing
AND with arms, hands relaxed ( hands apart, maybe one hand in pocket)
"Oh man, you do that again and I'll kick yer butt"
- you could say in a montone voice , ,worse yet .sound like your freakking mad..
do remember, the action of the other person only bothered you a bit
AND with a frown on face
AND with your hand clhentced (fists pointing at other person)
"DO THAT AGAIN AND I WILL KILL YOU"

You see, as the 'other person' , I can sense my little joke on you
- was recievedd as a joke " . . .kick yer butt
- it was not received a a joke " KILL YOU"

It is tough to commuicate verablly . . .even when discussing 'facts' . . .
- trying to help someone learn
versus
- stuffing data in their face,
makes all the difference in a relationship

I've been trying to think & analyze myself & things more when I'm around others & it seems to be helping some. It takes effort & concentration but I'm having less problems. Maybe if I keep trying it will start to become more like a habit

In the past, I've found when I was a new user I acted.. more like I was a regular, this seemed to annoy them. And I'm not even sure how to do it differently. but after getting the cold shoulder many times over, this was my conclusion. I don't even know if I'm right.

I remember seeing an episode of The Twilight Zone... its later incarnation or one of the other 80s spin-off creepy shows it spawned... that was about a friendly vampire who moved into a neighborhood. He was old and the only one who knew what he was was this kid about nine or so years old. He got to know the guy and learned a lot about the truths and myths about vampires, and that the guy had to move around a lot. He explained that he didn't have a choice, that his kind naturally had to do so. He was rather cryptic about it but he assured the kid that he wouldn't be around long. Said he was getting tired, that sort of thing. Lot of fore-shadowing. The upshot was that something about vampires triggered a primal defensive mechanism in regular humans, and sure enough, one night the entire neighborhood rose from their beds almost as one, and, zombie-like, stormed his house and savaged him. In the morning, everyone woke with an odd feeling of disquiet and vague snatches of troubling dreams and the news that the old man down the street had been savagely murdered in his bed! To think that would happen in such a quiet neighborhood, they all said, and the kid, particularly uneasy for a lot of reasons, watched as they took the body away.

I can't help feeling a little connection to that old man. A little...

^ Wow.

I think I may feel that too...now.