i dont know how to keep friends.... i feel cursed for life.

Post Reply New Topic

this is simply a rant.....


what is it with me compared to everyone else?! is it a fear of rejection? or just shyness or wanting to avoid anything better and not rock the boat. why cant i keep the people that matter to me. why cant i have more confidence!! !?!?!?!?!? i want to, but i just cant.


do i really believe deep down that im not worthy of friendship nor love????? WTF is going on inside of me?!

not that i expect anyone here to know, but i wish i could figure myself out.





i wish this stupid world didnt revolve around relationships.

im better off dead. im better off alone.



::end rant::

If you can't keep friends outside of the aspie boundaries, then look for friends within the aspie boundaries. Go to an aspie meeting or something. Many areas have them.

I doubt if most aspies would turn you away, but maybe you may not have the same interests or whatever. We tend to know what each other goes through, so if an aspie turns you away, then I would question his integrity.

- Ray M -

It's probably that you haven't got a system or protocol for keeping friends. I have the same problem. I can make friends, but I can't keep them. For a long time I thought several things like you, like they don't like me when they get to know me better, or I probably think I don't deserve friends or something like that, why else would I not call them or talk to them.

But lately I tend to think that I can't keep friends, because I don't really have an interest in keeping on friendships. And when you don't work on that, you will lose everybody you know in the end. Other people continue to keep in touch, because they don't want to let the feeling they are in touch with others go, I think. I can't set myself to just call or visit people for nothing in particular. I don't want it, I don't need it and I think it's even inapropriate to just pop by for nothing. But I think that other actually do that a lot and that is how the continue to be friends. I think.

OMFG!! aeturnus, im already trying to do that!! !! !! !! !


please read:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/asperger.htm ... ic&t=15272

I'll be your friend ($15.00 for the first day, $20.00 for each following day. I am not responsible for any injuries or death resulting from the friendship).

I know what it feels like. I find it awfully hard to keep friends, and sometimes I think that I'm better off without them or people I have a crush on. I can't cope with relationships and I have low self esteem. It makes me really miserable.

Do you have a job? One of the best things to do is get a job and get to know the people.. My job is basically my social life, and they can usually make me feel better when i'm sad.

I'm terrible at maintaining relationships.

The few friendships that have lasted a long time have done so because the other person has made the effort to keep contacting me.

I agree with Hale Bopp. My job is my social life together with the parents of the friends of my daughter.

i do have a job, but it aint the best supplement to trying to establish a better social life.

I work as a customer service rep at a hotel. 95% of the time, im working all by myself. and the other 5% is mostly with adults way older than me. i do work with a couple peers, and even asked a nice girl that i work with now if she wanted to hang out sometime, cause i thought we really hit it off when we got to talking the first few nights we worked together. (kinda a long story). it took me a lot of courage to ask her that tho, and she said maybe. i dont think its gonna happen now cuz we dont have as much chemistry as i thought we did originally, and she's usually very busy anyway. im not sad or anything about how this "opportunity" ended.


but anywho... the main reason i have this job is lack of overall stress on it. lots of downtime and its not physically grinding like a factory job. but yeah, a different kind of job where you interact with people more often just might help me. or it might be like when i worked in fast food for a year and a half. i was a good nice person but hardly anyone gave me a chance. some were nice, and the others total jerks, but nothing good socially came out of it. probably because i wasnt trying, but still.



my main problem is, im scared to try to make friends anymore. cause ppl dont understand me and they needlessly reject the good honest decent person i am as a friend because of petty things, or because i just dont fit their mold.


i dont know what to do, nor who to trust...

i know how you feel... I have very few friends and the ones i do have are friends from back in highschool... and I think that's because I had multiple years to grow on them. Now that I'm in college, and moving around, I find it very difficult to make friends and I don't know if it's just because I'm shy or what... But I'm 24 now and have lived in 3 different cities since highschool, and have made maybe one friend to add to that list.

and even with the few friends i have, i'm horrible at keeping in touch. i can easily go months w/o talking to them... i still forget their birthdays... and sometimes i even won't answer the phone when they call, for a variety of reasons, but mainly if they call me and I'm having a bad day--I don't like to rant or have to supress a rant when I talk with them. eventhough i WANT to talk to them, it's so much work for me to make myself call them. i generally have to plan out like 3-4 things I want to talk about cause, i don't know, maybe i'm afraid they won't call back or something ret*d. because of this, i generally don't call them and i still spend a majority of my time alone. same with my family... i'm jsut horrible.

and i don't know what to do to fix it. i would say a more sociable job would help. the most i even speak in a day is at my job (although i work the majority of my day's anyway) and even if i haven't successfully made friendships to where i hang out with the poeple outside of work... it's nice to have someone at least ask you how you're doing every once in a while.

also, maybe take a class around town or something. i like doing art (like pottery classes) and martial arts classes... they will give you something to do and thus something to talk about with people who share a common interest with you.

i tend to get offended when people don't talk to ME or don't initiate some sort of social action with ME... i think that's where my issue is cause i'm afraid i'll like mess it up, so i always wait... well, sometimes you just have to throw caution to the wind and not wait anymore! make yourself talk to people... even if it winds up being awkward.... it's not like it hasnt happened before (well, for me)!

you may just start to grow on people

Where do you live? I can do a search within the United States. If there's not one around where you live, then I just don't know what else to say. I mean, you can try going to parent meetings and meeting up with some of the older aspies. I mean, maybe there is someone on this forum who will agree to meet up. It's better if you can find someone with similar interests, but that may not always be possible.

- Ray M -

ok,

sorry for how long its been since ive replied. I live in the northwestern part of the state of ohio. im an hour south of toledo, 30 minutes from findlay, and 2-1/2 hours from detroit and cleveland (although i aint driving to either one just for an as group).

the way things are looking, ill have to move near a big city someday just to have a live group i can go to with people who has as.


and btw, the friendship issue has kinda improved recently but i still feel isolated because it seems like every young adult in this country has a girlfriend (or bf) other than me. its freakin depressing.


thank you all for caring. cya.

-E

Work is not always the best place to socialize. Even though it depends on the workplace and the people in it. The people that I work with are very cliqueish (sp). There are people there who will only socialize with you if you look, act, or dress a certain way. I don't look the right way, act the right way, nor wear the right clothes, so I am ostracized. Also my work enviornment is very gossipy and scandelous so I just keep to myself to stay out of all the drama.

reminds me of working for a year and a half at hardee's (fast food restaurant). hehe. those were interesting times.

I definitely felt like that I was cursed from making and keeping friends before I was diagnosed w/ AS. I just had to be rejected or neglected everytime I ask someone out or just to hangout, and it was too much. When I seek friends, I target those who are very nice and sociable and they treat me that way. So I greet them, get to know them for a few days, a few weeks, and plan to hangout w/ them. But they don't seem to care about hanging out w/ me. I want to hangout w/ others because it contributes to the continuation of friendship.