Fraternity Nightmare

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I joined a co-ed, medical fraternity in hopes of getting some experience and get more connected with the medical field...a career I'm considering going into. In a few weeks we will be starting volunteer work and shadowing, as well as watching an autopsy. All of it is great accept for the social aspect. Its a freaking nightmare.

Bid day was horrible. I was confined in a room with twenty strangers and forced to talk in front of the group and socialize among the other new members. It was so embarrassing and awkward. Ugh. I skipped the last meeting due to anxiety and now we have this ridiculous Recreational Day coming up and I'm expected to be there. Its going to be activities like kickball, relay races, and a bunch of other stuff I neither care about or am any good at. Suddenly I've come to realize that I have no desire to interact with these people. I just came for the med experience.

Should I just drop out or stick it out? At this point I regret ever putting myself through this whole application/interview drama. I always drop out of stuff like this and I don't know why I thought this would be different. I'll always be a social reject.

Don't do it unless you have some other plan.

Just my opinion, of course, but I'd say stick with it. You never know when the networking can help you out when you need it the most.

I'm a musician, so I joined a social fraternity cleverly disguised as a music fraternity (to get away with being an exclusively male frat). Social frats are, of course, different in a lot of ways from professional frats. I found the initiation ritual deeply meaningful and at one point even performed the ritual as "high priest." To this day the core values of my frat are my own core values as a person and as a musician.

I pledged my first semester as a music major undergrad. I found out just how deep these things can go when i applied for graduate studies when I met a former faculty advisor and long-time member who taught at the main school I was interested in. He and the instructor I wanted to study with were best friends, and it was a funny twist in my graduate years when I campaigned heavily for initiating my mentor as an honorary member (which I presided over as high priest). Even though I've never been "leadership" material, one thing that fascinated me was how much the undergrads looked up to me for experience. My odd style and behavior earned me the nickname "The Colonel," which owed in part to the brutal background I endured in my undergrad years combined with my distinctive Southeastern drawl (I'm from Mississippi but moved to New York state for graduate studies). My fellow brothers are quite forgiving, understanding, and most of all respectful. If I need help in achieving my goals, even now, all I have to do is ask.

And there is nothing at all wrong with having an "in." I think my frat is probably more secretive than most. You are better off where ever you are that fellow students and faculty share your own ideology and have already formed common bonds. Having an "in" only gets you through the door to your education and your career. Your own success or failure is determined by what you do once you get there. Your brothers/sisters are there for you to lean on and provide the support you need at those different stages, and as you get older you'll find that newer initiates depend on you to help them through the same difficult times. I don't know what your frat does, but we did the typical "big brother" pairing. In my experience, the extended lines of "bigs" tended to form cohesive sub-units or cliques sharing a more personal ideology or bond within the greater group. I was always proud of my "littles." If you do this sort of mentorship and manage to stay involved in their educational careers, you'll find it's a very meaningful experience in which you learn as much if not more than those you guide along the way. Even more interesting would be if you ended up yourself mentoring someone on the spectrum like yourself who is struggling with the same issues. Having those kinds of connections will make it easier for you in the long run, especially if you surround yourself with fellow alumni when you get into the field.

Do what you feel is best, of course. I'm just saying that my experience, though hellish at times for similar reasons as you described, was mostly positive.

From what I've heard, I think you can attend the events that interest you, and skip those that don't.
It doesn't sound like the group is all that exclusive, and I doubt they're going to kick you out.
It's a club, with frat envy.

Playing kickball isn't going to make or break your medical career. If you want experience and connections then do actual work, internships, volunteering. If you are like me big social events are no fun unless you've a close friend or clique to mostly hang out with. Another thing you can do is show up and not stay that long if you get bored. It doesn't sound all that worthwhile to me but it's not good to cut yourself from experiencing.

The important part is to feel okay about not liking these things, probably half the people there are bored or uncomfortable. A lot of people do not like big social events because it's all so loud and chaotic and shallow. You could act with the best social skills in the world but still feel like you are doing something wrong because you are not enjoying yourself since such events can be so jarring and yet shallow and unsatisfying.

You say "I will always be a social reject", but you are the one rejecting them, ie "I have no desire to interact with these people".

So I am not saying you should drop out or not, just pointing out some pros and cons, and saying "be yourself" and be realistic. These events are probably draining for you, so perhaps you should save your energy and spend it on other things. Don't try to be something you're not. If you are going to go to these events do it *your way*. Hang out with the people you like, do the things you like, stay as long as you like, don't torture yourself.

I don't see any reason to leave.