My mom lies about me...
Bloodheart
Veteran
Joined: 17 Jan 2011
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,194
Location: Newcastle, England.
Sorry that your mom is doing this, she is trying to sabotage your relationships...although have you tried talking to these other people, it seems strange for them to be this way with you over what your mother is saying, I would suspect there is something else going on, not with them but maybe that she is doing more than you think to cause these problems.
My mother lied to people, but not in the same way as your mother - mine would tell friends and family that I would steal, lie, refused to do chores, was generally a horrible daughter - in my mothers cases she was trying to justify her beating and trying to kill me by convincing herself that I was some horrible kid by telling others, also by telling others it meant I was unable to tell anyone what she was doing. My ex-flatmate was also similar, she was telling my partner I was cheating on him, telling my friends I was abusing her, etc. - she was doing this to sabotage relationships and make herself out as a victim.
I have no real advice to offer, my way of dealing with such things was to move away from home - this isn't practical for everyone, in fact it only really became possible for me when my mother threatened to put me onto the street so I was left homeless so put into emergency housing. Perhaps if you cannot talk to anyone else about this consider a therapist or local autism/asperger's support organisation or representative who can both give you advice and help with action whether that be confronting your mom or helping you get away from her if that is something you want to do. Even if this is only an occasional thing it's still her being possessive over you and controlling you.
_________________
Bloodheart
Good-looking girls break hearts, and goodhearted girls mend them.
Thanks for all your kind words. It helps not to be alone in this.
The advice that seems to emerge here is that I need to get away from this environment.
Practical. But it doesn't make what my mom is doing hurt any less. I don't know if I have the energy to fight this much more tbh. I keep thinking: if I just find the right switches in my mind, I can make the world go away forever and it won't be able to come back and hurt me.
I've been reassured that these switches do exist and while you cannot stop your mom from making the decisions that she makes, there's a way you can process the information and manage your internal monologue to make sure you're not as overwhelmed and anxious by her behavior. It may make correcting the misinformation she spreads doable for you. I'm not sure how to do this yet... I've got my own person in my life causing havoc that requires me to learn how to manage the anxiety... but if you're going to therapy, I strongly suggest you begin to discuss this problem, especially your feelings and anxiety behind it. Before you can take anyone's advice to stop the problem (or reverse the damage) you've got to manage the storm inside you that exhausts you.
The same things happened with me and my mom. She is a narcissistic personality someone who enjoys hurting other she used to lie about me and manipulate things and also tried to brainwash my husband against me.
Just like in the movie White Oleander she is very very manipulative.
The only way i could keep my sanity was by getting away from her....i stopped answering her calls, i stopped entertaining her, she used to end up at my house without invitations i started ignoring her....
But controlling that she is she wont let go off me easily...
Now after 3 years i can say that its over between us and i have moved on from her...though not emotionally but atleast she doesnt show up here at odd hours
The pain as not left, the bad image she created of me is not wiped out clean but there is nothing which can be done to change her all u can do is to leave such people.
_________________
The only thing right in this wrong world is
WRONG PLANET
I suggest finding some place else to live. Some mothers can just be irreproachable psychos. My girlfriend's mom once tried to get my girlfriend arrested when she was just 15, simply because her abhorrent mother didn't want to get arrested for DUI. She tried to convince the cops that her daughter, my girlfriend, was also drunk and had purchased the liquor illegally. This of course was complete bullsh*t. And to top it off, she blamed her innocent daughter for the incident, and continues to do so to this day. Some people just have no conscience.
So she was getting pick up for DUI and tried to drag her daughter down with her? That's really beyond my comprehension. I'm amazed her daughter even knows her mother still blames her to this day. I'd be long gone. If the police didn't place me in foster care, I'd be on my own. On the bright side, I know from experience that anyone who's survived a psychotic mother has been given the tools and strength to survive anything the world has to throw at them.
I had a mother who would do this. My therapist said she had Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I moved out of her house, which enraged her and she would call me on the phone and scream things like, "WHY WON'T YOU WATCH THIS MOVIE WITH ME?!? YOU GET OVER HERE RIGHT NOW AND WATCH MOVIES WITH ME!! I DON'T DESERVE THIS TREATMENT FROM YOU!! YOU WILL DO AS I SAY!! !"
Then I moved again without telling her where I was going and changed my phone number.
Your mother sounds frankly psychotic and I advise moving away from her as quickly as quickly as possible (if you are not a minor).
Then I moved again without telling her where I was going and changed my phone number.
Your mother sounds frankly psychotic and I advise moving away from her as quickly as quickly as possible (if you are not a minor).
This sounds so much like my own mother....very similar
she wouldnt let me go..even after marriage she used to call up my husband and get info about me
then she would use my sis-in-law to get info about me
even im planning to run away to another place and not leave behind my phone number
seriously i wish i could do that.
_________________
The only thing right in this wrong world is
WRONG PLANET
I've been looking at apartments. The problem is, my mom always either answers the phone or listens in to who calls. So, she's invited herself along on both apartment viewings that I've had so far. I'm getting to the point that I think that I need to go to a different country to get away from her but the problem is that I have a cat that means the world to me and she's too old to do that. The only places that I've been able to visit have been close enough for her to visit. I'm dreaming about this. My mind is such a mess.
seriously i wish i could do that.
I did it. We moved and changed all our numbers. We got a PO Box for forwarding then "Return to Sender"-ed anything that came from my mother or her family. I stayed in touch with my dad and he kept my number a secret in his wallet until he died. I didn't change my cell number after she got the paper from my father's wallet but she only called twice and I only spoke to her once, enough to confirm that she hadn't changed and wasn't ever going to change. She died not too long after that. My mother's other children couldn't care less about me and my kids so it's easy to be left alone now.
seriously i wish i could do that.
I did it. We moved and changed all our numbers. We got a PO Box for forwarding then "Return to Sender"-ed anything that came from my mother or her family. I stayed in touch with my dad and he kept my number a secret in his wallet until he died. I didn't change my cell number after she got the paper from my father's wallet but she only called twice and I only spoke to her once, enough to confirm that she hadn't changed and wasn't ever going to change. She died not too long after that. My mother's other children couldn't care less about me and my kids so it's easy to be left alone now.
i need to take a tip or two from you.
really it takes courage to put plans in action
and ur true inspiration.