Need advise in dealing with friend.

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First of all, thank you for reading this, my anxiety levels are pretty high at the moment, so this may be a bit of a ramble.

I live in a house with 3 friends while studying at uni. One is never there, but the others are, and as they are not really party animals it works great. Untill one got a girlfriend that is. She has been staying here for the past month without going home and this does not sit well with me, as they make quite a noise (especially when I want to sleep) and a mess. Before the 2 months they had this month of regularly going over, and staying +/- 3 days.

This happening, I wanted to make sure she would not stay the whole of next year and asked them if they could go back to the old arrangement. I was informed that she was in financial trouble and would stay the whole of next year. This really put me off, because he had not discussed it and if I hadn't asked him he would've just gone through with it without anyplace to go for her when I came back in september.

I said that I'd rather not have that as (even though I like her personally) their noise and mess really annoys me and puts me on the edge. He basically told me it was inevitable anyway so I had to concede. Fortunately the other friend backed me up, but the whole thing got out of hand and resulted in a HEAVY arguement including lies from his side to show me as the bad person.

This resulted in me going in a really bad meltdown (me going catatonic) and eventual conceding from him. (He had to because we threatened to tell the landlord who was justified to throw her out)

Now he insures me it's all right, but continues to react off and I know he resents me. Should I relent and give in, or am I right? I don't want to be the bad person, but I really need time off from seminars and lectures in a quiet environment, I just havn't got the money to live on my own.

thanks

What he was trying to do was against the terms of his lease, which he read and signed (I presume), so he is in the wrong and he knows it.

He has the choice to forget about it or to move out with his girlfriend to their own place. Their financial hardship story is not your personal problem. He is being immature if he thought he could bring in another, nonpaying, tenant into shared accommodation without asking first.

You put up with the frequent visits and put your foot down when he threatened to make it permanent, which is exactly what you should have done. Just because he doesn't like that you have healthy boundaries does not mean he can't be friends with you. Boundaries are healthy and you were being perfectly reasonable. If he chooses to continue to fuss and sulk about this issue, that is all on him.

thanks for the responses. It's just hard because he just basically told me that he understands my point of view but does not concur at all and he refused to accept my good luck wishes to finding a solution.

The problem is that I think I can't stand their noise and mess for a year and that in the past it has shown that they try to be less so, but after a week (or hour) they forget the whole plea for it and do it anyway.

It's just that the girlfriend started crying hard after I said no, and I've only got 2 friends at uni, being these two guys, and I don't want to lose them.