What is your most common social mistake?

Page 5 of 6 [ 90 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6  Next

Cei
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 9 Mar 2011
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 165
Location: USA

20 Jun 2011, 3:01 am

Most of my social errors are strategies I learned as a small child that grew out of control, or are no longer useful. Apologizing is a big one. I reflexively throw a random "sorry" into most of my sentences. Thankfully, now I'm no longer rude enough that I need to apologize that frequently, but the fear that I'm annoying people has only increased.

I also get really stressed out by the idea of answering insufficiently specific questions, to the point of freezing up or just giving a generic answer. Questions like "How was your vacation?" or "What's up?" are just too complicated to answer. I worry that if I answer properly, I'll start to monologue.



PTSmorrow
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Mar 2011
Age: 60
Gender: Male
Posts: 719

20 Jun 2011, 3:05 pm

# 1 i can't understand when people talk/write out of any common emotional insanity and i often respond in a way they consider as being brutal and inhuman.
E.g. it's obvious and undeniable that the root of all environmental problems is there are way too many bipeds. So when people whine about problems i often say if they really want a change the first step must be birth control. One called me a monster for these words. Many people act stupid and out of emotions instead of logical considerations. The way i look at things seems to be offensive for most of them.

# 2 is i have problems with setting up boundaries in the beginning of contacts which might be kind of invitation for others to violate my personal space. Then i receive stupid phone calls because they just want to jabber without any need. When i finally say, please leave ma alone now, i don't want to hear this gossip, i am the bad and mean person.
Same about my down time. Contacts easily cause a sensory overload. Thus, i want to be alone with my cats. When one calls me strange i ignore it for a few times but if they insist in telling me how wrong, how strange i am, finally i yell at them and become verbally abusive.



sealion
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jun 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 66

20 Jun 2011, 3:42 pm

Being stuck in your head and caring to much what people think of you.


_________________
let food be my medicine and medicine be my food.

-Hippocrates

http://www.loselegfat123.blogspot.com


Miyah
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jul 2007
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 771

21 Jun 2011, 2:13 pm

My common one is perceiving the way that someone says something and I happen to think one way, while the messenger means another way. So when I feed that message about the receiver, then they will go and confirm it with the first person who then gets mad and mistakes me for twisting the truth around.



astaut
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2009
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,777
Location: Southeast US

21 Jun 2011, 6:04 pm

1. Like a lot of people said, not knowing when I'm supposed to follow someone
2. Having absolutely nothing to say in response to someone
3. Not knowing when to say "hello" or "bye" to someone


_________________
After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true.
--Spock


myowngeeksqwad
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

User avatar

Joined: 22 Mar 2011
Age: 47
Gender: Female
Posts: 18
Location: Joplin, Mo

23 Jun 2011, 10:23 am

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
I think my most common mistake is thinking people just don't want to talk to me.



This is me too.



ravenintheradio
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 19 Jun 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 2

25 Jun 2011, 12:36 pm

how about taking a back seat to every conversation. no one seems to be interested if I am "leading" a conversation. then, usually, they think i'm interested in what they're talking about. And, of course, it is followed by me putting my actual thoughts into it, and the inevitable crickets follow right on cue. most conversations are like a dance that I never received the dance steps.

So, usually people will approach me and start talking, then realize they want nothing to do with me five minutes later. It's nothing offensive that I say (I think) but it probably is not the typical chit chat formalities that are usually accepted.

Side question: Anybody wonder why people ask for your number and then never call? It's like they seem interested in you at first, but want nothing to do with you.



Ai_Ling
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Nov 2010
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,901

30 Jul 2011, 3:33 am

1) Greeting people, not knowing whether or how to appropriately greet someone. Not knowing if its ok to say a comment or 2, or what to say back when someone says a brief comment.
2) Social timing, not knowing when to insert a comment when people are talking. I swear, my social timing sucks so badly that probably most aspies surpass me with this one.

This is the reason why I make a crap ass acquaintance. Its funny how I find it easier to hold conversation then say hi to someone. I can perform more advanced social interaction better then things that are considered basic.



Bosun117
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jul 2011
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 97
Location: Wallingford, CT

30 Jul 2011, 11:39 am

My most frequent, basic mistake is a tendency to stare, especially at girls. That rarely gets received well at all, leaving me with plenty of heartache.

Another is my trouble with judging proximity. I tend to stand too close during a social interaction.



LadySera
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jun 2011
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 418

31 Jul 2011, 3:36 am

The following thing is really confusing sometimes, especially if someone has unwittingly "trained" you in a certain way. My sister used to make me follow her around & fawn all over her when we went places. A couple of times when I did my own thing she left me there. Almost like you would punish a dog. So once when a friend I'd never hung out solo with before invited me shopping I followed him all over the store for a few minutes. He informed me that I could go look at whatever I wanted & meet up with him after while looking at me oddly. So I explained to him why I did that. We never hung out solo again.

Joe90 wrote:
I mean things like holding doors open for people, letting people through the door first, letting people step onto the bus first, ect.


I have done that too. I used to hold doors all the time at stores to be polite but then a couple of elderly people yelled at me (on separate occasions) for holding it for them, "I can do it myself!" is what they yelled. Now I usually only do it if someone is coming up right behind me.

Imapanda wrote:
I use big words.


Most people don't complain about this anymore with me (of course I don't talk as much either) but when I was in school (before HS & still had friends) a couple would get really angry with me. "Why are you using that word? Are you trying to say I'm stupid?". Of course I wasn't, those are just the words that come naturally to me sometimes.

I have been told that I am too loud when I am excited and start talking about something (with family). Then I clam up and get angry because I feel like I am being real (which I can rarely be) and they are punishing me for it.

My big thing right now is that I never know what to do when I show up at my therapist's office. Sometimes she's on the phone chatting, or on her computer, not in the office yet or in the other building. So I hang by the door or go sit in the waiting room but then it's like she doesn't know I'm there. Then when she finally comes to find me she chastises me for not letting her know that I'm there. Like I would do that.



rexirodkc
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

User avatar

Joined: 14 Jul 2011
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 19
Location: NC, USA

01 Aug 2011, 11:39 pm

starburst76 wrote:
I have difficulty maintaining small talk, as I often find it a waste of time. I really can't handle superficial fluff talk and it's just easier to stay silent. I also mistake people's "interest" in what I am saying and can go on and on and on....I have talking bursts where I can talk non stop for 5 minutes without seeming to breathe and then just go silent. I find I get obsessive over whether people are listening to what I am saying and if I feel like no one is listening I'll just abruptly stop talking and wait to see if anyone notices that I was talking at all. Sometimes no one even notices, which makes me very angry and then I just won't talk unless I have to.

I have trouble smiling and being natural as I'm paranoid about appearing to be fake, but can't find a balance between being "friendly" which requires smiling and being phony. I don't have a natural smile that I am comfortable with, I always feel like there is something wrong with my teeth so I shouldn't show them (even though I know my teeth are fine). I find that when I am in groups and people are smiling or laughing at jokes that I should smile and laugh too, even though I don't want to. But sometimes I just can't be bothered and keep a straight face, which I know is a mistake.


I really understand about the small talk. I just can't stand it. Every now and then I'll engage in a conversation (for the other person's sake) but most of the time, I won't bother. After I say 'hi' to my aunt, for example, there's just dead silence. I do my best to laugh along with others in a group when something is funny (or at least when something is suppose to be; my sense of humor is odd compared to my family members), but sometimes I just don't care to join in. Forcing myself to behave "appropriately" in social interactions is tiring.


_________________
~KC


passionatebach
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 8 Nov 2009
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 440
Location: Cedar Rapids, Iowa

02 Aug 2011, 12:03 am

Kind of goes along with clinginess, but knowing how much is too much to interact with someone. I sometimes wonder if I am posting too much on a friend's wall, calling too much, etc. Also, being flighty around those people whom I really enjoy their company.

I know some people will differ with me on this, but being my authentic self. I used to try to act normal, crack jokes, be funny, etc, but it was more of a turn off to people, than actually being the person that I am. This seems to be the case as I get older, especially with people that I only talk to once in awhile. They want to hear what you are up to, interested in or your life experiences, not the same jokes that they have heard dozens of times before.



bergie
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 18 Mar 2011
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 290
Location: Phoenix, AZ

02 Aug 2011, 12:28 am

I don't know when to stop. I will make people laugh and I enjoy that but then I usually take a joke too far and end up inadvertently offending someone.



astaut
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2009
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,777
Location: Southeast US

02 Aug 2011, 1:06 am

I guess I have 3 big ones:
1. Not knowing when to follow someone or stay put
2. Being too quiet (I assume people don't want to talk to me unless they sort of invite me into the conversation)
3. If I have to talk to someone I'm not familiar with and they start really looking me in the face, I start to trip over my words. People that I have to give more than one-word answers to (doctors, professors, etc). Other people I'm comfortable enough that I can look places other than their face while I talk.


_________________
After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true.
--Spock


izzeme
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Apr 2011
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,686

02 Aug 2011, 5:11 am

well, it's a nice little catch-22 for me;
i'm afraid of doing/saying something that will exclude me from a circle, so i avoid that possibility by doing/saying nothing at all, which is a mistake in itself, but acting on impulses creates said exclusion...