Not being heard when talking to friends?

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I tend to get lost in group discussions quite often; this has always been very true of me. It can be frustrating.

pepole do not envolv me in there conversashuns. i try to talk and they say im enterupting and get mad. GRRRR taht makes me feel like this why do they alweys hate me i wonder? help me pleese.

Hi,

I have studied social interaction for my whole life, and only recently figured out what this is from.
Mostly with women, there is this unnoticeable eye movements and very small face twitches that people with aspergers usually won't notice. I have noticed it is much easier to talk in a group of men because they lack the ball-of-string emotional conversation mechanics.

So here's how it works. One person flutters some unnoticeable facial movements at another, and everyone else notices it and knows that is the next person to talk. The first person says something that requires some kind of emotional reflection, such as encouragement or agreement. The second person then does the same thing, and so on. I think the main problem with people with autism is the lack of eye contact and face studying which is an integral part of most conversations. There is also a historical aspect of friendship and your past conversations with the people talking.
There is one exception to this ball of string in which you may flutter unnoticeable facial movements to the group signaling that you want to speak. Otherwise you are seen as an interruption, very rude, and your statement is either ignored or rejected by the group. I am still researching whether this is a conscious social mechanic or whether it is a product of the social brain (unconscious social awareness).

But anyways, yeah, when I was little I was always sooo enraged that nobody would let me talk, and I would often cause people to all silently and unnoticeably agree to gravitate away from me physically and so cut off my contact with them.

Remember, in an emotional ball of string, there is no factually irrelevant statement, just an emotionally irrelevant statement.

Yes...

Eye contact is what gets someones attention best, even just a second when you start speaking.

Solution: get a megaphone.

It doesn't happen super-often but when it does it makes my blood boil and I can't not take it personally. Its really like the people around you saying that you're not an adult and that - like a child - you should be seen but not heard. I can't think of much that's more socially disrespectful.

If you know you are not being heard, you may as well just leave the group and play "busy" or try to ask one person if you can talk with them 1-1 on the side. Also, you can always e-mail or write messages if you aren't being heard out. I have had the same problem, not to this extreme. Sometimes, it's better to keep quiet anyway, so don't feel too bad!

I noticed that they seem to really not appreciate what I would consider a valuable addition to the conversation. Some really intelligent book learning or some such.

But if I make a really quick joke, I become the life of the party. I've learned to make associative humor about relevant subjects and topics, and attempt to interject during a quick pause within 10 seconds, and talk fast and in a funny way like I'm about to laugh it's so funny.
The best kind of jokes are ones from poetry books with the main subjects swapped out for whatever the situation calls for. People are instinctively drawn to rhymes and statements with two segments that have the same number of syllables.

This happens to me all the time. Even in one on one conversations from time to time. I can be, or am usually soft spoken, and have a deep voice, but this also happens to me when I'm definitely speaking up- which is sometimes when getting way too excited about something no one else has much interest in, and I'm sure that's sometimes why.

My son was describing something very much like this the other day--how he had to "talk over" people to be heard (although if you're talking over someone else's words, you're still not being heard). I chalk it up to a culture that has lost the art of meaningful conversation.