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lunaloo
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28 Sep 2011, 9:29 am

I'm primarily a loner; however I think I would enjoy socializing once in a while if I knew how do it successfully and weren't so uncomfortable with it. I like the IDEA of friendship and relationships. When I read novels I'll get very attached to the characters and think that I'd love to be friends with someone like that IRL. Of course, if I were ever to meet someone resembling one of these characters IRL, I'd have no idea what to say or how to act.

The thing is, I often enjoy being around people, I just don't like interacting with them. I remember when I was a kid I used to love when my parents would have guests over. As a child, my social responsibilites in those situation were nearly nonexistant - a polite greeting was all that was expected of me. Then I'd sit at the table with one of my craft kits or a jigsaw puzzle and lose myself in those activities while listening to their conversations. I wouldn't mind parties or social events if I could do the same now. :)



DeanAdamFry
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28 Sep 2011, 9:34 am

proxybear wrote:
DeanAdamFry wrote:
proxybear wrote:
DeanAdamFry wrote:

The main difference between Autism and Asperger Syndrome is that Autistic people either DON'T want to socialise or they are unaware of it to begin with (low functioning) while people with Asperger Syndrome WANT to socialise


And where have you read that? Because I can't find anything about actually wanting to socialize or not in the diagnose.


Been told about it from professionals that explained it to me in simple forms of the differences between Asperger and Autism. I think this explains it as well: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome even though its wikipedia, I doubt they would mess around with important information such as this.


I don't see anything that clearly states what you are saying in the article on Wikipedia.

The closest (but yet not the same) I could find was:

Wikipedia wrote:
People with AS may not be as withdrawn around others as those with other, more debilitating, forms of autism; they approach others, even if awkwardly. For example, a person with AS may engage in a one-sided, long-winded speech about a favorite topic, while misunderstanding or not recognizing the listener's feelings or reactions, such as a need for privacy or haste to leave.[7] This social awkwardness has been called "active but odd".[3] This failure to react appropriately to social interaction may appear as disregard for other people's feelings, and may come across as insensitive.[7] However, not all individuals with AS will approach others. Some of them may even display selective mutism, speaking not at all to most people and excessively to specific people. Some may choose to talk only to people they like.[26]

The cognitive ability of children with AS often allows them to articulate social norms in a laboratory context,[3] where they may be able to show a theoretical understanding of other people's emotions; however, they typically have difficulty acting on this knowledge in fluid, real-life situations.[7] People with AS may analyze and distill their observations of social interaction into rigid behavioral guidelines, and apply these rules in awkward ways, such as forced eye contact, resulting in a demeanor that appears rigid or socially naive. Childhood desire for companionship can become numbed through a history of failed social encounters.[3]



What I put in bold text doesn't mean that some people with Asperger doesn't enjoy social interacting, but some just don't take part in it which makes me believe that their need for social interaction is quite low or nonexistent.


*facepalm* Yes there are some who won't do it but the MAJORITY do and its the main difference between Autistic and Asperger Syndrome people, you just read and quoted what I said and yet your still trying to look for a flaw in my argument, of course not every person with AS want to but the MAJORITY do, that's what makes the DIFFERENT from AUTISTIC people, honestly I cannot believe I have to explain the obvious here.



The_Perfect_Storm
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28 Sep 2011, 7:38 pm

Wikipedia =/= evidence.

EDIT: The wikipedia article is talking about pre-primary school children. Why on earth do you think that's relevant here?

Children with asperger's display fewer socialising deficits. That's all there is.



Last edited by The_Perfect_Storm on 28 Sep 2011, 7:54 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Samarda
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28 Sep 2011, 7:42 pm



Last edited by Samarda on 01 Oct 2011, 9:44 am, edited 1 time in total.

DeanAdamFry
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29 Sep 2011, 1:07 am

The_Perfect_Storm wrote:
Wikipedia =/= evidence.

EDIT: The wikipedia article is talking about pre-primary school children. Why on earth do you think that's relevant here?

Children with asperger's display fewer socialising deficits. That's all there is.


Don't you read a post? I said it CAN explain it, I wasn't exactly sure if Wikipedia is legit but what they said on there is more or less what my doctors said to me, jeez don't try to give me the lip about it.



zen_mistress
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29 Sep 2011, 3:33 am

I think aspies can have varying drives for socialising. Some have little desire to socialise. Others would like to but get tired from all the stimulation. Still others dont find themselves excessively stimulated but instead screw it all up with their poor skills. And many variations and mixes of this.


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The_Perfect_Storm
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29 Sep 2011, 5:11 am

DeanAdamFry wrote:
The_Perfect_Storm wrote:
Wikipedia =/= evidence.

EDIT: The wikipedia article is talking about pre-primary school children. Why on earth do you think that's relevant here?

Children with asperger's display fewer socialising deficits. That's all there is.


Don't you read a post? I said it CAN explain it, I wasn't exactly sure if Wikipedia is legit but what they said on there is more or less what my doctors said to me, jeez don't try to give me the lip about it.



I read your post and I disagree with it. Stop talking in capitals.



DeanAdamFry
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29 Sep 2011, 12:43 pm

The_Perfect_Storm wrote:
DeanAdamFry wrote:
The_Perfect_Storm wrote:
Wikipedia =/= evidence.

EDIT: The wikipedia article is talking about pre-primary school children. Why on earth do you think that's relevant here?

Children with asperger's display fewer socialising deficits. That's all there is.


Don't you read a post? I said it CAN explain it, I wasn't exactly sure if Wikipedia is legit but what they said on there is more or less what my doctors said to me, jeez don't try to give me the lip about it.



I read your post and I disagree with it. Stop talking in capitals.


Excuse me, I can talk like THIS or leik dis any time I want, how dare you try to tell me what to do? and that is fine that you disagree with my post but that was how they found differences between Autism and Asperger Syndrome, they had different behaviours when it came to social encounters, the simplest form my doctor told me was "People with Autism are normally in their own world and unaware of the outside world while people with your disability are stuck inbetween your own world and reality". If you disagree so much then could you please tell me what are the main differences between Autism and Asperger Syndrome instead of arguing with me because as far as my knowledge, that is the main difference.



J-P
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29 Sep 2011, 3:46 pm

I do not have value for others peoples family included. They gang everywhere that exclude me. They don't ask my opinion. They decide things without me. So i have no worth for others why i'm waiting for a bloody vengeance



tomboy4good
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29 Sep 2011, 4:30 pm

I have a lot of trouble socializing. Tried making friends & stuff, but it usually turns out bad....get used/exploited until the other person(s) is done with me. I am still inept all these years later, & have learned that it's just easier to be a loner. No expectations, no hard feelings, no feeling used or abused....it's just me, my hubby, & my dog. When my hubby isn't here, it's just me & the dog & it suits me just fine.


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pyramid
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30 Sep 2011, 12:08 am

tomboy4good wrote:
I have a lot of trouble socializing. Tried making friends & stuff, but it usually turns out bad....get used/exploited until the other person(s) is done with me. I am still inept all these years later, & have learned that it's just easier to be a loner. No expectations, no hard feelings, no feeling used or abused....it's just me, my hubby, & my dog. When my hubby isn't here, it's just me & the dog & it suits me just fine.

At least you found someone. That would work for me too, maybe an Aspie girl who's in the same boat.

tomboy4good wrote:
I do not have value for others peoples family included. They gang everywhere that exclude me. They don't ask my opinion. They decide things without me. So i have no worth for others why i'm waiting for a bloody vengeance

I know how that feels. People don't understand what that's like, not having a voice. Then when you lash out they join hands to vilify what they themselves created.



BasalShellMutualism
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30 Sep 2011, 12:34 am

Yes; loner.

I socialize or speak well in a class discussion setting or 1-on-1 if there is "subject" talk. Talking to two or more new people at once or trying to go in on group conversation is awful.

Terrible at any kind of small talk and I don't "follow" sports, but I don't mind playing or watching along.

I have no issues being alone anymore since the end of my 30s but it becomes more painful when I know I am in a situation in work or graduate school where others are forming "lunch" and hang out groups and I still don't have a knack for that yet.



The_Perfect_Storm
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30 Sep 2011, 6:35 am

DeanAdamFry wrote:
The_Perfect_Storm wrote:
DeanAdamFry wrote:
The_Perfect_Storm wrote:
Wikipedia =/= evidence.

EDIT: The wikipedia article is talking about pre-primary school children. Why on earth do you think that's relevant here?

Children with asperger's display fewer socialising deficits. That's all there is.


Don't you read a post? I said it CAN explain it, I wasn't exactly sure if Wikipedia is legit but what they said on there is more or less what my doctors said to me, jeez don't try to give me the lip about it.



I read your post and I disagree with it. Stop talking in capitals.


Excuse me, I can talk like THIS or leik dis any time I want, how dare you try to tell me what to do? and that is fine that you disagree with my post but that was how they found differences between Autism and Asperger Syndrome, they had different behaviours when it came to social encounters, the simplest form my doctor told me was "People with Autism are normally in their own world and unaware of the outside world while people with your disability are stuck inbetween your own world and reality". If you disagree so much then could you please tell me what are the main differences between Autism and Asperger Syndrome instead of arguing with me because as far as my knowledge, that is the main difference.


Calm down.

"The main difference between Autism and Asperger Syndrome is that Autistic people either DON'T want to socialise or they are unaware of it to begin with (low functioning) while people with Asperger Syndrome WANT to socialise "

You said that people with autism don't want to socialise. This is wrong.

The difference is people with Asperger's are more likely to to display attention seeking behaviour and other forms of socialisation. And keep in mind that they are referring to very young children; none of it applies to adults. The wikipedia article doesn't support your claim either.

Proxybear was right when he said "And where have you read that? Because I can't find anything about actually wanting to socialize or not in the diagnose. "

PS: It reads as though you're patronizing the other person when you write stuff like *facepalm* and capitalise random words for emphasis.



Afr0
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30 Sep 2011, 9:24 am

I'm not going to claim ownership here, but based on personal experience I can definately say that as an aspie, I seek and desire social acceptance and interactions, but keep getting frustrated because I can't quite figure out how.
It could be because I'm still in my twenties though (23).
That said, I've definately improved. I have a lot of aquaintances, some of them might even be friends, but I prefer to look at them as aquaintances because it's easier. It probably comes down to the fact that I've been to two different schools in three years, and am now in university.
Still, I can't help but feel like the only part of the "social game" that I haven't unlocked yet is how to score a partner (or girlfriend, depending on how you look at it). Right now my lifestyle kind of prevents me from having one (I go to karate two times a week and am a member of a political party in addition to the time spent at school), but I still keep trying to flirt from time to time.
If I sound like I'm being extremely optimistic on my own behalf right now, it could be because I'm simply lying to myself (something I tend to think that I'm doing a lot, in order to stop myself from realizing what a completely pointless live I'm leading).



DeanAdamFry
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30 Sep 2011, 9:46 am

The_Perfect_Storm wrote:
DeanAdamFry wrote:
The_Perfect_Storm wrote:
DeanAdamFry wrote:
The_Perfect_Storm wrote:
Wikipedia =/= evidence.

EDIT: The wikipedia article is talking about pre-primary school children. Why on earth do you think that's relevant here?

Children with asperger's display fewer socialising deficits. That's all there is.


Don't you read a post? I said it CAN explain it, I wasn't exactly sure if Wikipedia is legit but what they said on there is more or less what my doctors said to me, jeez don't try to give me the lip about it.



I read your post and I disagree with it. Stop talking in capitals.


Excuse me, I can talk like THIS or leik dis any time I want, how dare you try to tell me what to do? and that is fine that you disagree with my post but that was how they found differences between Autism and Asperger Syndrome, they had different behaviours when it came to social encounters, the simplest form my doctor told me was "People with Autism are normally in their own world and unaware of the outside world while people with your disability are stuck inbetween your own world and reality". If you disagree so much then could you please tell me what are the main differences between Autism and Asperger Syndrome instead of arguing with me because as far as my knowledge, that is the main difference.


Calm down.

"The main difference between Autism and Asperger Syndrome is that Autistic people either DON'T want to socialise or they are unaware of it to begin with (low functioning) while people with Asperger Syndrome WANT to socialise "

You said that people with autism don't want to socialise. This is wrong.

The difference is people with Asperger's are more likely to to display attention seeking behaviour and other forms of socialisation. And keep in mind that they are referring to very young children; none of it applies to adults. The wikipedia article doesn't support your claim either.

Proxybear was right when he said "And where have you read that? Because I can't find anything about actually wanting to socialize or not in the diagnose. "

PS: It reads as though you're patronizing the other person when you write stuff like *facepalm* and capitalise random words for emphasis.


"Another major characteristic that identifies Autism Aspergers from the typical Autism is the socialization deficit. In most cases, children with AS express a desire to fit in socially. Typical Autism victims suggest complete exclusion and seclusion. In fact, AS individuals tend to become frustrated because they aren't able to interact appropriately. " from this website: http://www.disabledinfo.co.uk/dis/323-u ... ers-an.asp

There you go, another website claiming the same thing.

Like I have said in my previous post, MAJORITY of them do but some will fall through the cracks and actually come out wanting to socialise despite being actually autistic, its stupid to assume all of them are and I thought anyone would have enough common sense to know that there are some who do, I do not need to explain this kind of stuff to you when you already know some people who have autism do want to socialise but the MAJORITY DON'T. If both the majority of Autism and Asperger people wanted to socialise then what's the point of having Asperger being there in the first place if Autism already does that? Seems kind of stupid don't you think?



irene
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30 Sep 2011, 10:32 am

To be a friend or have a friend is it necessary to socialize? While reading some of these posts I thought the my ideal situation could be just communicating with people who share my interests. Just exchanging info, experiences on those topics. If the situation comes up that one of us has experienced something that they feel they would like to share with another human, or maybe it's the type of thing that could be more enjoyable with another human then socialize.

Now I might become somewhat of a hypocrite by saying I wouldn't mind having the ability to get along with a massive amount of people. The difference, as far as I am concerned, between that and being alone is that it would just allow me the option to socialize or not socialize. I would not have to be with people unless I wanted to. Options are a wonderful thing to have. I am 62 years of age and still do not know how to speak to people. I don't have a clue how to interact with a fellow human being. Knowing me once I realize that I am capable of "playing well with others" and being alone I would feel one step closer to not feeling as though I am an alien from who knows where just constantly wandering around and wondering if there's really truly others out there like myself. Once again I feel like I should be segregated from the general public because I put my foot in my mouth and hurt someone's feelings with what I have said. Actually it's more than one person.