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Since childhood I have been questioning whether something was wrong with me other than typical depression or adhd and have never found words to explain myself to those that could have helped. Not only have I often been extremely overstimulated/dissoriented in busy or loud places, but I feel isolated which enhances when I try to explain how I feel to others and they dont get it. I constantly am feeling the need to control my mind to not drift off into too much analysis/thoughts of my state of being, which enhances my anxiety if I do. Memory is a problem, I have to do lots of thinking in order to recall past events. Memories are fragmented and not linear, all jumbled. When I reflect on the day, I don't feel connected with the things I said and did, and usually have a lot of self-hatred because of this. I spend much of my waking life, especially when I am alone, creating some internal monologue to some imagined listener, which seems always lucid and frequently eloquent. I'm about as awful as can be when it comes to remembering people's names, street names, dates, etc. Have Dysphoria/Dysmorphia. Miss out on social cues, and am very awkward when meeting people. I can't judge when certain things are inappropriate sometimes. When I am under extreme stress or pushed out of my comfort zone (especially when I have no way to escape a situation) I shut down. When I was 17 I started smoking cannabis, it didn't really do anything for my symptoms but I found that I now had something in common with many of my peers and started to make friends. Before that point I was pretty much incapable of socialising with people of my own age group and preferred to converse with adults where I could use my intellect to have a meaningful conversation.

I have had many relationships, but I have never felt comfortable opening up or even realizing that level of intimacy was expected. My best friend Dani is an exception, and certain people have made me feel comfortable speaking to them although they are few and far between.

I am certain I suffer from some sort of anxiety disorder and the possibility of AS/OCD/Depersonalized Episodes.

Talking to someone that has experience with AS would make me feel more at ease. If anyone has the time to speak to me or know of Los Angeles resources, I have skype and google voice information available.

Hey there I don't live in LA, but what you've described has always been a major problem for me. Since receiving an AS DX within the last couple years I've done so much better in regards to your concerns. If your interested in knowing some of my personal coping strategies feel free to PM me. Memory has always been my biggest problem too I feel it enhances my depression and anxiety. I feel like the reason I have deep thoughts and daydreaming is because it's part of the learning process for me. How my brain decodes information. It does interfere with my memory though. My OCD was really bad because having learning disabilities and social disabilities had caused me make many embarrassing mistakes in childhood. Thus I felt worthless stupid and kinda paranoid. The same things that perpetuate your difficulties can also be changed slightly in ways that can be benefited from. I learned how to turn some of my weaknesses into strengths but I still have blunders with them from time to time. I've just made them more manageable as well as my depression. I also found that depersonalization can be used to your advantage if you have anxiety towards low self esteem. Even though it wasn't always positive that running inner dialog in my head I was eventually able to turn into the voice of reason when I got unrealistically depressed about living with my disabilities.

Welcome to Wrong Planet! I live in Los Angeles. Feel free to contact me.

I can relate to all of these as well.