Assuming nobody likes me made for a malignant lonliness

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I had some ugly social experiences in my 20's that occurred when I assumed "Everybody likes me." I then switched to the opposite extreme. The resulting lonelines became malignant because there was no way to escape it. I go hang out with someone and I couldn't be present--i spent the whole time being cynical.

Lately I've experimented with a compromise: instead of either extreme, I now use significantly higher caution than before when meeting new people. I forgot what it's like to enjoy meeting new people. I can now meet new people and have fun. Keep in mind the anxiety still kicks up, I still have doubts, I still get bouts of cynicism.

You may also see me switch between "nobody likes me" and this method. I'm trying man.

glad you're trying to live in the "happy medium."

Well done and keep on trying. It's sad that you are cynical and jaded, but I think I can relate to why you feel this way. Keep you chin up though, as not everyone is an arse and there are true friends to be made in the world, so don't you cynicism stop you from being happy.