Page 1 of 1 [ 4 posts ] 

Bazinga4
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jan 2012
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 71
Location: Ireland

30 Apr 2014, 7:52 am

So today hasn't been the best day for me.See its my ex best friends birthday today and she is 21 on saturday and invited me to her birthday but I can't go because I am going away this weekend

Her birthday is bringing me down.I'm friends wit her on Facebook but there have been times I have been tempted to block her.She doesn't make an effort in our friendship.Its me who suggests to meet up but she says she can't go and is busy.She doesn't even suggest to meet up another time.She is.not mean to me just she is behaving selfish.and a bit childish.

For some strange reason I want to meet up wit her again.I haven't suggested to meet up in a while so its not like I'm desperate an need her in my life.I think I might need closure and move on.Its sad because I remember a few years back she said we need to meet up more and go into town.I haven't seen her in 2 years.Part of me thinks what have I done wrong and the other part of me is thinking I have always been there for her and she is treating me like crap.

I think the reason she is inviting me to her party is for numbers not actually wanting me to go.I could b wrong.Why is she behaving like this she is 21.
My family don't have anytime for her and that she is not nice and that I should move on but it's hard because I was friends wit her for 6 years in school.

Should I give her a second chance and ask to meet up wit her next week or leave and move on?



minervx
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Apr 2011
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,155
Location: United States

30 Apr 2014, 12:03 pm

I'd give her another chance but establish that you won't tolerate flakiness or one-sided behavior. If she can't be good on that, then I'd end things with her.



B19
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Jan 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 9,993
Location: New Zealand

30 Apr 2014, 2:03 pm

She uses you for her needs, and ignores yours. Let her go.

Find people who value and respect you. Maybe try some Meet Up groups - I found really great friends by joining a Meet Up Social Anxiety group.

Good relationships are built on a foundation of mutual respect. The very best relationships are rich in the "4 A's" - acceptance, attention, appreciation, approval.

Maybe have a look at some of David Richo's books about relationships. Check him out online. He is really good at helping identify where, why, how, relationships don't meet our needs and how to sort the nourishing ones from the toxic ones.



Summer_Twilight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,157

01 May 2014, 5:49 am

I am confused as to how she is behaving in a childish like manner and that she is not nice.

The part that I can understand is her inviting you to her birthday party but not wanting to do anything with you otherwise. It sounds like she is just not interested in you. As for her 21st birthday it could be because turning 21 is a really big deal but she does not sound worth it if you are not happy with her.

I have had to reject someone three times who is really flaky. I had also made it clear to him a few times in that I not want to be friends as a result. He had seemed to contact me several times and I gave him several chances but he failed everyone of them.

I would ask her to call you on the phone and try to talk things over with her by saying that you feel like she seems to have no time for you anymore.

There are two responses from flaky people

1. If you call her on the carpet she would have a firey temper
2. Or she might try the soother which is a form of lying and making promises that are not intentional